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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this wedding?

65 replies

wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:35

DPs cousin, who I've never met (I've only met his dad and his partner and his nan and grandad from his dad side of the family), is getting married next weekend. Me and BILs girlfriend are invited but only to the reception after the meal and speeches not the actual ceremony.

DPs dad and his family live an hour away so that would mean having to drive there with DP as we don't want 2 cars there and wait around for hours or get the train which I don't want to do.

DPs dad suggested me and other girlfriend come up with DP and his brother and help set up the reception whilst they're at the ceremony. sorry if this seems rude but fuck no!!

On top of that, I hate things like weddings. Loud music and lots of drunk people, no I just don't enjoy that.

I really really don't want to go, I'm already starting to dread it. Plus I have to find a nice outfit Sad

WIBU to just say to DP, I'm not going to enjoy it, I'll probably not be very happy as I'll be uncomfortable so I'm going to stay home instead. I'll still set a gift and a card. I just don't want to go to the wedding.

OP posts:
MrsSecker · 25/08/2016 16:37

Definitely not being unreasonable! You've never met the cousin so I assume you've never met the bride? I definitely wouldn't go to help set up!! Yanbu

Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:38

Oh and, this isn't a wedding I've known about for ages. DP only got the invite in April as it got sent to his dad and he rarely sees him. I didn't know I was invited too until July.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 25/08/2016 16:38

Giving it a miss sounds fine to me. I think it was very rude to not invite you to the whole day since you're the groom's cousin's partner. Not a fan of weddings either. Card and gift would be lovely

Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:39

The cousin is the bride I think

OP posts:
Elizawh · 25/08/2016 16:41

I'd give it a miss. YANBU.

Really cheeky to suggest you help up though.

My DD can not stand her dads family so decided late year to miss her cousins wedding. That's obviously worse than missing you partners cousins wedding but still, no one minded much.

Lasagna · 25/08/2016 16:43

think it was very rude to not invite you to the whole day

That's all dependant on how long OP has been with her DP. Could've been only a few months for all we know therefore I'm not sure I'd want her at my wedding either especially if we'd never met and she was probably only invited along out of politeness.

Lottapianos · 25/08/2016 16:45

Well its was shockingly rude to suggest that you help to set up the reception, which you are not invited to, and then jeff off until later that evening! Some people disappear up their own bums when organising their weddings

KC225 · 25/08/2016 16:46

I wouldn't go, it sound a right faff. You can have a nice relaxing day/evening maybe see some friends. He gets a catch up without constantly worrying if you are okay.

ScarletForYa · 25/08/2016 16:48

You're not invited to the wedding, just the evening. In other words jyst to make up numbers. Don't bother your arse!

Especially since they tried to use you as a dogsbody, the tight gits.

MiddleClassProblem · 25/08/2016 16:48

Is dp and BIL invited for the whole day?

It's the asking you to set up bit that's off, otherwise I would say it's a good chance to meet some more of the family. If dp is really keen on you going to meet the family I would just suck it up as a one off meeting them prob won't see them for at least a year etc. If he's not fussed I would duck out. You do look a bit peaky.

Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:49

Been together 2 and half years, have lived together for 8 months and have a 3 babies okay the babies are 2 cats and a dog but i don't find it rude I haven't been invited. She's having a small wedding and doesnt know me so I understood.

Looks like I'm okay to give it a miss then, now just got to work out how to tell DP! Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:53

Yeah DP and BIL are going for the whole day and the dad and his partner will be too so we won't have anywhere to go whilst they're at wedding as I won't be comfortable alone in a house I've been too once.

OP posts:
Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 16:59

i think what makes it worse is having to drive 3 hours to my dads pain in the arse lovely family on Saturday for a welcome home party for my aunt, uncle and cousins who have been living abroad for the last 2 years and then having to spend the night and most of Sunday with them Sad

So after one weekend making small talk with people I see once a year for Christmas and don't particularly like I want to spend the next weekend chilling and enjoying myself. Not at a wedding, which I don't like even when it's my own family and friends surround by people meeting for the first time.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/08/2016 17:00

Give it a miss. Send him on his own.

Lasagna · 25/08/2016 17:01

"Sorry DP, I'm really not up for going to your cousins wedding. I've got to spend this weekend at a party with people I don't like so I just want my own time next weekend. I really hope that's okay and I'll still send a card and a present. Maybe we can arrange something soon for me to meet your extended family in a more casual situation"

Andylion · 25/08/2016 17:05

Especially since they tried to use you as a dogsbody, the tight gits.
It was the OPs DP's dad who made that suggestion, no the bride or groom or her immediate family.

Nevaehsmum · 25/08/2016 17:06

Wow. You sound like a lovely social DIL. Make an effort with your DPs family. It's weird enough in 2 and a half years you haven't met anyone other than his dad and grandparents. Especially if you're living together with kids. Hmm It's one evening, a couple of hours if you're not attending the main ceremony, then you probably won't see them again for years!

No doubt you're expecting DP to attend your family thing this weekend?

expatinscotland · 25/08/2016 17:09

'Especially if you're living together with kids. '

The 'kids' are pets.

Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 17:10

No, I really am not social. Grin I prefer somewhere quiet and chill with not too many people. I've always been like it since a kid and I'm sure I'm not the only one. We don't have kids, I said babies as in my cats and dog becuase I'm one of those weirdos Wink

No, DP doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to. He volunteered to come when he saw how much I was dreading it. He's also a more social, confident, outgoing person so I'm sure he doesn't mind.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 25/08/2016 17:10

Do your own thing OP. Send DP on his own if need be. Life's too short for all that bollocks.

myownprivateidaho · 25/08/2016 17:11

Yep sorry I think yabu, if your dp wants you to be there. It's a good opportunity to meet his family and show willing. Surely you'll have family occasions you'd like him to come to too? I don't like the attitude on mn that you should never do anything you don't want to to make your partner happy. And I'm far from a martyr.

Happyhippy45 · 25/08/2016 17:11

That's just odd inviting your do to the ceremony and not you. Would your dp not compromise and just got to the reception? Means you wouldn't have to hang about for ages.
If you really don't want to go, don't go.
My DH not long after we met was pissed off I wouldn't go to his granny's funeral! I'd never met her and the funeral was a 5 hour drive away. He said I was being unreasonable and this was one of the few opportunities to meet the rest of his extended family.

myownprivateidaho · 25/08/2016 17:12

He volunteered to come when he saw how much I was dreading it. And you don't think it might be nice for you to return the favour for an event he'd like you to come to... Confused

Original poster
wanchor · 25/08/2016 17:12

His dad's family also don't live close to us and never invite us over, it was hard enough arranging to meet his dad so that's why I haven't met most of them. I've met all his mums family and even went to one of their weddings.

OP posts:
eightbluebirds · 25/08/2016 17:15

If the wedding is next weekend I assume you've already RSVP'd and they think you're going?