To not go to this wedding?

[wanchor]

DPs cousin, who I've never met (I've only met his dad and his partner and his nan and grandad from his dad side of the family), is getting married next weekend. Me and BILs girlfriend are invited but only to the reception after the meal and speeches not the actual ceremony.

DPs dad and his family live an hour away so that would mean having to drive there with DP as we don't want 2 cars there and wait around for hours or get the train which I don't want to do.

DPs dad suggested me and other girlfriend come up with DP and his brother and help set up the reception whilst they're at the ceremony. sorry if this seems rude but fuck no!!

On top of that, I hate things like weddings. Loud music and lots of drunk people, no I just don't enjoy that.

I really really don't want to go, I'm already starting to dread it. Plus I have to find a nice outfit

WIBU to just say to DP, I'm not going to enjoy it, I'll probably not be very happy as I'll be uncomfortable so I'm going to stay home instead. I'll still set a gift and a card. I just don't want to go to the wedding.

[wanchor]

She's getting married at a church with family and close friends then having a meal with them. Then at like 6 she's having a party where everyone and anyone can come, that's the bit I'm invited too.

[FireSquirrel]

I think it's pretty unfair of them to invite your DP to the service and you only to the reception, given that the wedding isn't local to you so you'd have to either travel seperately or hang around all day whilst DP is at the service. You'd think they would've invited you both to the service or DP just to the reception, especially as you've been together a while and not a new relationship. However, I think I'd probably suck it up and go for DPs sake, make an effort and meet his family. I also get anxious in social situations so can sympathise, but most of the attention will be on the bride and there will be at least a few people there who you already know and can make conversation with, so it shouldn't be too awful.

[MapleandPear]

I find it rude in the extreme to invite one half of a long-term couple all day and one just for the evening.

[wanchor]

Spoke to DP about me driving and he said no way. There's no where to park around there for free and I'd have to leave my car over night if I have a drink. I did remind him that I rarely drink so I'll be fine not having one if I had to drive but he doesn't want to risk it!

So I either get the train or hang around all day.

[furryminkymoo]

I think I would go, hop on a train, have a wander around the town before the evening party starts, maybe suggest an early bird early dinner with the girlfriend? Then arrive at the evening party happy, chilled and happy to meet the family that you haven't yet met.

I wouldn't entertain setting up though, that's a bit shit

[MiddleClassProblem]

What's in the area and do you and Ms BIL get on ok? Could the two of you see what the town is like before going?

For me it really does depend on how much it means to DP. We do keep asking but it might be getting lost in other questions. Does he really want you to go or is it not such a big deal?

[MissingPanda]

It you're going to meet the family then if it's a typical evening do then it's not worth it. They tend to come complete with DJ and loud music so you can't even hear yourself think much less hold a conversation. Not exactly the best circumstances to meet and get to know family. Also if your invite only came two months ago, three months after your DP got his then it's a courtesy invitation rather than them really wanting you there.

YANBU

[OVienna]

After what you've described, I think I would also make my excuses.

[HeddaGarbled]

Well it's not really your P's call about you taking your car. If that's what you prefer to do, that's entirely your choice.

[hazeimcgee]

Is BIL's OH going tl the evening?
Could the blys drive up together then you girls drive up together so there's one car per couple? You could either leave later or go somewhere en route with SIL and have fun before you get there?

[Witchend]

I suspect the "help set up" is not so much them wanting you to help as giving you somewhere where you can go and be with people during it.
"She won't want to be stuck on her own".
Thinks about it, everyone else wants to be at the wedding, except the few people setting up, so suggests that as basically somewhere to wait.
Personally I'd quite like that, nothing better to get to know people in a nonthreatening way than to be doing stuff together-and I'm quite shy.

But don't go if you don't want to. I don't see it as a biggie either way.

[Wanchor]

DP worked out that I didn't want to go so I didn't have to say anything. He's okay with me not going as he knows I won't enjoy it.

[Doobigetta]

I don't think it's that awful, tbh, especially as you and the brother's girlfriend are in the same position. If you get on ok with her it might be nice to spend the day with her and get to know her a bit better- you might end up being sisters-in-law. It's always good to have allies among your in-laws.

[TaterTots]

I don't get why 'evening invite only' is such a taboo on MN. In the case of couples it seems a bit odd, but if evening invite only means you can invite people you couldn't include otherwise, why not?

OP - to be honest it just sounds like you can't be arsed. It's not that you can't take two cars; you just don't want to pay for parking. You say you don't want to take the train, not that you can't get there by train or that it's a prohibitively long journey. It's not on to ask you to help set up, but personally I would still go to the evening do. You've never met your partner's father's extended family - do you really want their first impression of you to be 'the woman who couldn't be bothered to travel an hour for X's wedding'?