to request payback tactic suggestions for nightmare neighbour?

[annoyedofnorwich]

Yes, I know I should turn the other cheek and yes I will refrain from doing anything daft, but humour my daydreaming about ways to irritate her, please! Suggestions of things you've done or things you'd love to have done when landed with a nightmare neighbour?

Depends.

What are they doing to earn the wrath?

Pick a lovely Eminem tune and play it incessantly. Not too loud to worthy a complaint but entry of choice language to make her go

Need more details

Well I had the most awful, moany, miserable old bastard for a neighbour. He was AWFUL...acted like he owned the street, made complaints that weren't warranted etc.

So I began greeting him like he was my favourite person in the world.

FULL on greetings...big smiles and open faced friendliness.

"Hi!!!! Good morning...HOW are you? Isn't it a BEAUTIFUL day!?"

He was

I kept doing it.

Then he began greeting me in a similar fashion. We're fine now.

It depends on what they have done. We had a couple next door who were horrible. Luckily they've gone now.

They did plenty of awful stuff, but the one (really silly thing) that really got to me was their lawn was a state, completely overgrown as they hadn't mowed it for months. They decided to mow it on the only day of the year we invited guests round - came out and did it about 30 minutes after we'd all sat outside for a barbecue, and spent about 2 hours doing it, seriously!

We knew the guy worked nights, so DP took great pleasure in mowing our lawn and doing loud DIY jobs every week, at a time when we knew Mr Knobhead next door would be in bed

He actually had the cheek to come round and complain - we told him good luck complaining to the council about us doing DIY in the middle of the day! That felt good.

Oh I'd love to give full details but she's really quite... odd. To the extent that it would really be quite identifiable as I don't think many people would act how she does! Essentially she's a complete fantasist who makes all sorts up, has reported us to various authorities for various things- all of which came to nothing as totally made up! Has recently taken to photographing me in my garden!

Take up a new musical instrument. One of the loud ones. Set yourself to learn every piece by heart, which involves lots and lots of repeating every phrase. If you read music, misread the key and play it incorrectly and with completely random timings.

Do they have a flat roof on their kitchen or anywhere else? Nice tasty bird seed chucked up, nice noisy birds for ages. Downside is you get birdshit all over your car too.

Gather lots of slugs and deposit on the doorstep.

Heavy metal music. I can recomm me a nice bit of Pantera or Anthrax, although American Headcharge is very effective too.

Next time shes chilling in her garden get out the bbq & cook loads of kippers & make sure the bbq is positioned next to the adjoining fence

She sounds quite unstable.

Can you not report her for taking pictures of you in your garden? Do you have DC? Does she take pictures of them too?

Bad neighbour threads seem to usually attract a large, rapid, enthusiastic response , but this one seems to be slow and half hearted!

Don't think you've given out enough, annoyed.

Your neighbour doesn't seem that bad.

Borrow my sons, they are both learning to play the bagpipes. If you can't get pipers, then the violin is hard to beat for torture.

Get a life sized, cardboard cut out of your self and stick it in her garden.

Get all your family/children to wear masks of your face whenever they go out in the garden.

buy an army of gnomes and in the dead of night surround her doorstep with them.

whenever you see her with her camera pull out a random photo prop. Cheshire cat grin, comedy glasses, moustaches.

I was considering an outdoor drum set... and I do like feeding birds! I have reported her for the photographing in the past- however apparently it is unlikely to result in a prosecution as harassment is hard to prove

Essentially she's a complete fantasist who makes all sorts up, has reported us to various authorities for various things
imagine the lengths she might go to when she realises that you are actively out to get her, a paranoid unbalanced person would make for an 'interesting' enemy....

Trust me, a dish, she's bad! Trying to think how to phrase what she's done in a none identifiable way, but where to start!

To be honest, shining, there's not much else she could do short of burn down the house! She's already tried to cause trouble for us by lying to police, council, our jobs... failed in every case fortunately as can't keep her story straight!

Strike a catalogue model pose whenever she gets the camera out. Hands on hips, one leg up on the BBQ, that sort of thing.

Or go on YouTube and find a song called I've Seen My Fate by Will Haven. Play it on repeat at full volume. She'll be begging for mercy within five minutes.

Award for best so far goes to twatbadging! Googling how to get a life size cardboard cut out!

If she's photographing you in the garden, can you start wearing T shirts with rude messages, or just spelling out something like "Fuck Off" in pebbles on the lawn?

Play the song "I hate you so much right now" by Kellis very loudly on repeat.

Or start morris dancing in your garden.

Is she mentally ill?

Also looking for a set of 5 face masks which I can decorate with my face!

Ijustwanna- I actually think it is possible. I did feel quite sorry for her at one point but she's gone way too far.

Maybe this story will appeal to the 'journos' on the Daily Fail..... You might even get some of the article title in capitals..... thinking 'nosy neighbour falsely ACCUSES xxxx of (insert mad thing) and then takes PHOTOS' without permission.
Ooh the fun that could be had filling the gap of (mad things) to concoct a tale

I like the idea of the over enthusiastic greetings.
Sicken her with your niceness!