to request payback tactic suggestions for nightmare neighbour?

[annoyedofnorwich]

Yes, I know I should turn the other cheek and yes I will refrain from doing anything daft, but humour my daydreaming about ways to irritate her, please! Suggestions of things you've done or things you'd love to have done when landed with a nightmare neighbour?

[UnderslungBowlingBall]

A suggested playlist to be played at top volume:
The wu tang clan aint nothing to fuck with.
The narwhal song
Let it go
badger badger song
Numa numa
anything by lil waine
baby by Justin Bieber
Full Metal Jacket compilation
Nyan cat
I like to move it move it
Versace
anaconda
stupid hoe
Hasa diga eebowai (if no children present)

[limitedperiodonly]

I took pictures of my neighbour and her workman once because they'd placed a ladder in my garden to reach the balcony on her house and to piss me off. I'd told her to move it but she shouted down imperiously: 'Neighbour access! You have to allow it. Look it up!' and then they ignored me.

When I started taking pictures and said I'd call the police, she went up the wall, but removed the ladder.

You can take pictures of people unless they have a reasonable expectation of privacy btw. Sometimes that includes their garden, though a long lens trained on their bedroom window would be going too far. Not that I'd want to take any pictures of my neighbours where there'd be any danger of them being naked.

As I said, the police were great. They said if I ever felt threatened by her presence on my property I could call 999. If it wasn't urgent, I could call the Safer Neighbourhoods Team office for a later chat. I never did because the threat was enough.

She was a colossal cunt. I do sympathise with your desire for petty revenge OP.

[pombearcat]

We had an odd neighbour who reported us to the RSPCA as 'we left our dog in the garden all day and our cat wasn't kept inside...the dog kept escaping into her garden and she had to return it' in fact the dog goes to work with DH and they were both working away at the time .although I will admit that the cat leaves the house 😊
She also complained that the kids laughed too loudly, my deaf brother did not say 'hello' to her in the supermarket and that we were spying on her everytime we went in the , that our chickens didn't eat the food she threw over the fence for them ..all done in screaming rants on our front doorstep.
We got a cockerel ....he crowed loudly to the cockerel at the farm across the lane ...she'd moved out within 3 months

[redexpat]

Sign her up for mailing lists.

And I have read the full thread, but sorry if I missed this one: order a glitter bomb.

[limitedperiodonly]

My gerbil died while my mum was looking after him for me. She didn't tell me because she didn't want to spoil my holiday, but kept him in the freezer until I got back.

He was well wrapped and we had a service for him in her garden.

[JellyBelli]

We have a neighbour like this. She recently described DDIL as sinister.
DDIL is 4 feet tall and as sinister as a muffin decorated with a kitten.

I think she's paranoid.

[justilou]

Just want to point out that it was my DAD not me who froze toads. I could never kill one and there's no way in hell something like that is going in my freezer with my food.

[SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires]

Get a few shop dummies then paint them white with a creepy clowns face and stand them facing her windows, or just use the painted head with a creepy clown face and the hands place on the top of the wall. evil

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Take up the piano/keyboard and play umpteen scales incessantly, always remembering to get at least one note wrong in each.

[limitedperiodonly]

I have a lot of chicken in my freezer. A whole one looks a bit like a toad, but they are always dead before they go in. I can't believe freezing to death is a nice way to go and as a method of pest control it seems a bit labour intensive.

[Airandmungbeans]

She sounds nuts! We had awful neighbours, ended up moving because of them, but whenever they were going through really bad phase of playing loud music at all hours, we gave DS (4) a violin to play before breakfast! Hearing them complain about it was so satisfying.

[theoldtrout01876]

I keep 2 composting barrels my side of the fence right next to their deck. I have my veggie patch manure delivered the weekend of their annual extended family barbecue. I have a "wildlife patch" that is behind my garage but in full view of their front windows, Feral raspberries, thistles, some kind of out of control vine . Danelions in their lawn? from my side of the fence? NOOOO, Really? cunts
When I snowblow in the winter I have it set so it blows snow onto the top of the pile between our property but it slowly rolls /slides down into theirs cunts
Low hanging berry laden trees are left un clipped, purple bird shit on your cars, Clogged pool filters ? Really? cunts
Before anyone says anything, they have trampled all over my privacy and done whatever they wanted property wise with no regard to how it effects mine ( their permanent- temporary driveway causes mine to flood )
CUNTS

[VioletBam]

Lou that's a myth. It's not a kind way to kill anything actually. I know cane toads are a massive problem but there are faster ways to off them.

[justilou]

Oh, and he planted trees with red berries, blue berries and white flowers so the birds and bats would crap red, white and blue all over their cars/house/laundry....

[justilou]

I grew up in Australia where we have a major problem with imported cane toads that have no predators and are poisonous to wildlife. The kindest way to kill them is to put them in a plastic bag and throw them in the freezer. My dad made a slingshot out of a bicycle inner tube and would fling frozen cane toads onto the flat iron roof of the neighbours (who used to play Christian rock music at all hours of the night - amongst other un-neighbourly things) where they would a) Make a hell of a noise when they landed and b) rot and stink in the sunshine.

[AdjustableWench]

Tuba.
At 6am.
If you can blow a raspberry with your lips you can get a note out of a tuba. Not sure what they cost to rent for a few months weeks, but you could be reasonably proficient within a fairly short space of time, especially with a bit of youtube self-teaching.
Then you could join a beginners' band and organise rehearsals at your house.

Although actually the peacock thing is probably less of a commitment.

[Farmmummy]

Guinea fowl easier to look after than peacock but similarly noisy! Also I may once have know someone who ordered a craftmatic adjustable bed for an ex who stupidly signed for it before realising what was being delivered

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

Evilstepmum01 yep you can eat them! All parts too. Take the green bits off the flowers and steep them in oil - sunflower is good. It'll change to a deeper yellow. Great for dressing salads with.

The roots can be used to make coffee too.

[RockyBird]

Do you stay next door to my mother, OP?

She has a neighbour dispute or two wherever she goes.

She put raw fish into the grille of her neighbour's car for the heinous crime of parking on "her" side of the road. Public highway, no driveways.

[Evilstepmum01]

Twatbadgingcuntfuckery,

you have quite possibly the most brilliant username ever!

You eat dandelions? we pick them for rabbits, didnt realise you could eat them!

OP-music, noisy kids, higher fences or trellis? Enjoy!!

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

Minisoksmakehardwork

My neighbour claimed that the only dandelion seeds seeding his garden were the ones from my garden. So he put a tarp up over the handrail to stop them spreading

Anyway. He was convinced it was working it wasn't so I helped things along with some carefully made dandelion seed bombs I dropped into his garden when ever he went out.

He still huffs and puffs over the dandelions but im one of those people who grows dandelions in pots next to my front door. they are a fab free food. Flowers in oil and salads. Leaves I'm casseroles of salads and roots in stir fries and home brew.

[WhooooAmI24601]

If you have small children the very best punishment for shitty neighbours is to feed them some sweets when they get up at 6am and let them run feral about the garden with jousts and weapons and nerf guns. Maximum points for them if they're over-tired and mardy as they're more likely to shout and scream at one another.

Our lunatic neighbour likes to have bbq's on summer weekends which go on until 6am, whilst serenading the neighbourhood with Coldplay on repeat as she gets progressively spannered. So I release the DCs into the garden as soon as they get up and she cries out of her bedroom window "I've got a hangover, pleeeeeeease keep them quiiiiiiiiet" and I silently smile as I drink my tea and imagine the ways I'd like to insert the karaoke machine into her.

[annoyedofnorwich]

Oh so tempted to send her that card! Yes a bit late- we tried to avoid an official dispute but sadly she pushed too far! Shame as without the dispute maybe she would have have sold or rented by now. Can't imagine new neighbours or renters could be any worse- we'd hold them a welcome party!!

[daisychain01]

Hey no offence intended annoyed Was just concerned you don't go too OTT and cause yourself future selling issues. Sounds like that's a bit late if you've already had a dispute,

How about a "good luck with your forthcoming house move" card? Maybe give her a hint

Btw we've just had new neighbours move in, the last ones were an utter nightmare. So fingers crossed the new ones are better behaved!

[annoyedofnorwich]

Sadly she has no garden and doesn't appear very house proud! Sounds like a complicated neighbour situation you had!