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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this banter

85 replies

YourNewspaperIsShit · 13/08/2016 23:19

If some people in your group of friends on a chat says "wish you were here... not" when they're out together and you're stuck at home, is that like a 'bantery' thing or should I be as upset as I am?

I am quite sensitive and don't understand insinuations, etc so willing to be wrong here. Actually hoping I am Blush

OP posts:
DerekSprechenZeDick · 13/08/2016 23:21

That's not banter

That's a cunts trick

eightbluebirds · 13/08/2016 23:21

That sounds rude to me.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 13/08/2016 23:22

It's banter.

Really really shit banter.

Do your friends get banter?

I wouldn't be upset though-they sound like twats.

pictish · 13/08/2016 23:22

Unless you have reason to think this person strongly dislikes you, it's banter. Imo. Crap banter obviously...

monkeywithacowface · 13/08/2016 23:24

No I think that's pretty mean actually and bitchy.

Chikara · 13/08/2016 23:37

Impossible to say. I regularly banter with my teen kids in a "Thank God you are going back to school - can't wait to get rid of you" way. There would be friends / colleagues I'd joke with in a "Let me escape!" way.

There is no way to tell. If you are happy with them. If you could chat back "Don't worry I'm much happeir watching re-runs of Murder She Wrote" than listening to you lot drone on" - or some such thing - then it's banter.

If you don't feel secure and they don't really act like good friends - then it is not banter.

Chikara · 13/08/2016 23:38

sorry - typos in that.

Essentially if it doesn't make you laugh - and this is regualr - then it isn't banter

99GBPChargeToUseMyPostsJournos · 13/08/2016 23:38

If they are having a shit time, it's fine.

If they are enjoying themselves then whoever said it isn't a friend.

JenLindley · 13/08/2016 23:42

Depends on whether you think the person who said it would genuinely mean it or is just teasing you. I have a very good friend who taunts me constantly and I her as well but it is never serious. Other people I would take it as genuine.

hownottofuckup · 13/08/2016 23:42

I don't get banter. It appears to be something you say 'it's just banter!' after saying something really mean/rude/cruel/unfuckingnecessary to someone, and then belittling them even further when they naturally feel hurt by insinuating they just don't get this mythological 'banter'.
It's not 'banter' it's just being a cunt fucking rude!

MonsterZinc · 13/08/2016 23:43

That's quite hurtful really. :(

kaitlinktm · 13/08/2016 23:54

You could say "Why? Are you having a shit time then?"

LuluJakey1 · 13/08/2016 23:55

Of course it's 'just banta man'; meaning people can say anything that is unfunny or hurtful or insulting and then make it sound as if you have no sense of humour or are over-sensitive if you object. In actuality they are twats.

OuchLegoHurts · 13/08/2016 23:56

Well I think the key question is whether you were invited or not. If you were invited and couldn't go, then they did want you there and so it's (shit and stupid and immature) banter, but probably meant as a joke and not worth getting too upset over.

If you weren't invited, then its cruel and horrible and dump them all immediately.

Naoko · 13/08/2016 23:57

It sounds pretty awful on the face of it, but the thing with banter is that it's all context. You say something to someone that sounds terrible, but is clearly a joke, and you only say it knowing that it's not something that'll actually upset them. You don't seem sure that this is a joke, and you seem upset - therefore, bad banter at best and they owe you an apology and to cut it out, and at worst they're actually being really nasty.

Liiinoo · 13/08/2016 23:57

The fact you are asking says it all. If you were good mates it could possibly be funny. As it stands it is mean and bitchy.

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 13/08/2016 23:57

I feel like an idiot Sad It turns out they don't like me and i didn't even know, I asked if everything was ok and got a barrage of abuse and was told I was pathetic and 'playing the victim' when I said I just wanted some friends Sad

One of them is my DC's family I'm so heartbroken

OP posts:
frikadela01 · 13/08/2016 23:59

I hate "Banter" in my experience it's become an excuse to make sly digs. Ive seen too much of what constitutes bullying written off as Banter.

Cavogirl · 14/08/2016 00:00

Oh OP!!!
That's so horrible !
What mean disgusting people to text you that. If they were reasonable, even if they didn't like you, they should just keep it to themselves .
I'm so so sorry!!
Find some nicer people x

frikadela01 · 14/08/2016 00:02

Fuck me your are they actually adults? I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone like that
You're better off without them Flowers

malin100 · 14/08/2016 00:04

Sorry they are so horrible. I'm sure you are not, so try to find some nicer people and remember it's a bad reflection on them and their personalities, not you and yours.

AyeAmarok · 14/08/2016 00:05

WTF! Shock

Why on earth are they being so rude to you? Are these people you've spent a lot o time with? Is it a group, or just one individual from the group who's being a cunt?

123beanie · 14/08/2016 00:05

Sounds like they handled it in a horrible way. At first I'd have said that was just really shit banter but clearly not. How awful. Hope you're okay OP, they don't sound very pleasant at all FlowersFlowers

CashelGirl · 14/08/2016 00:08

No! You shouldn't feel like an idiot. They sound like a pack of mean bitches. Switch off your phone/block them/delete them from all social media, have a good old cry and then forget about them. Hugs to you. Xx

honeysucklejasmine · 14/08/2016 00:08

Wow, no-one has said anything like that in my hearing since primary school!

Sorry they are being such bitches. Who are they? (E.g. old friends, school mums, family)

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