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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this banter

85 replies

YourNewspaperIsShit · 13/08/2016 23:19

If some people in your group of friends on a chat says "wish you were here... not" when they're out together and you're stuck at home, is that like a 'bantery' thing or should I be as upset as I am?

I am quite sensitive and don't understand insinuations, etc so willing to be wrong here. Actually hoping I am Blush

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Domino20 · 14/08/2016 00:11

How horrible for you, what a shame. Hopefully they will be suitably embarrassed by their behaviour when the drink (I'm assuming they're drunk) wears off. Don't invest emotionally in these people for a moment longer.
All the best to you I'm sure you must feel rotten x x x

LauderSyme · 14/08/2016 00:14

OP you poor poor thing! What horrible heartless nasty people!
Please don't be heartbroken, they are not worth it, they are ignorant, unkind, worthless pricks. They are getting off on being mean to you. They are bullies.
Your dc do not need this kind of arsehole around, even if they are family, so cut them out of your lives.
I am sorry you are lonely and feel friendless. That sucks Sad
But being alone is better than having wanky "friends" like this. Please don't get drawn into any interactions with them, ignore them and try and stay strong. This will pass and life will get better. Hang in there! Flowers Wine Chocolate

DeathStare · 14/08/2016 00:15

These people are not your friends. Ignore their nastiness.

There are lots of people out there who would love to be your friend. Don't waste time on the people who don't

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 14/08/2016 00:17

Who actually says things like that? Who are these people to you? I hope you're able to cut them off, block, and avoid them?

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:19

It's my DP's sister Sad I put a passive aggressive status on social media, like "Im so bored, it's alright for everyone out partying" because it's a Saturday and I have 2 DC in bed and it would be nice to be out once in a while (not that i couldn't go, they just stopped inviting me a couple months back) and apparently she decided it was meant specifically for her and everyone just follows her lead.

I'm really shocked as she was probably one of the only friends i felt I could spend time with without annoying Sad Clearly I'm a shit judge of character.

It was such a nasty spiteful thing to do, I'm meant to forgive her when she calms down because she was drunk and DP has given her a flaming... But you don't really forgot something that nasty I have felt bullied like that since school

Thanks for all the kind words

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Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:19

*haven't felt

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Lweji · 14/08/2016 00:22

You know that drunks tend to speak what's in their minds?

I might accept a heart felt apology, but my relationship would never be the same.

Kateallison16 · 14/08/2016 00:27

Bound to get abuse for this- dont care.

To be honest your status was attention seeking though wasn't it?
You wanted everyone to know how hard done by you are.
"It's alright for everyone out partying"
"Because it's saturday and I have 2 dcs in bed"

It's no good having a pity party, nobody made you have children.

Jizzomelette · 14/08/2016 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenLindley · 14/08/2016 00:33

So basically they were out, saw your FB post so new you were feeling down and the decided to message you saying "wish you were here...not" Shock what a shower of nasty bastards! And then clearly went on to have a bitch about you followed by a group pile on when you asked about the message. You need none of these people in your life! So what if you were having a moan on FB! Everyone is entitled to feel a bit down now and again. For them to see that and then actually contact you to rub your nose in the fact they were out and you weren't says all you need to know! Not worth your tears.

DeathStare · 14/08/2016 00:38

You know that drunks tend to speak what's in their minds?

I don't think that's necessarily true. I talk an absolute load of crap when I'm drunk.

And lots of drunks think things are hilarious when actually they are inappropriate or rude.

sonjadog · 14/08/2016 00:40

So you put a passive-aggressive post on Facebook aimed at her and she got pissed off about it? I´m not sure I blame her.

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:41

The whole point is my post wasnt directed at anyone at all. I'm autistic everything I say is really literal 😔 I was just very lonely and bored so I meant exactly what I said, if I have an issue with someone I just say it to them I don't understand what could come from not doing that?

I see people all the time put things like "Im out in the rain walking the dog, alright for the rest of you snuggled up by the fire", etc. Maybe it is attention seeking a bit but isn't everything on social media? It wasn't Facebook it was my snapchat story

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Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:42

Why are people saying it was aimed at her?! I don't understand how what I typed wasn't just a generic status whinging about being bored

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Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:42

I didn't even know she was out!!

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MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 14/08/2016 00:44

When I first read it, I was going to say it sounds like they meant they're having a shit time so you're lucky you missed out - I didn't believe anyone would actually be that pathetic! How old are these people, OP?

I hate "Banter" in my experience it's become an excuse to make sly digs.

Totally agree with this. From what I've seen, people who label their jokes with friends as "banter" tend to not know where to draw the line. Then the friend feels an idiot for being offended because, after all, it was only "banter", right?

Chihuahualala · 14/08/2016 00:45

Anyone who posts, "it's ok for you all being out enjoying yourselves when I have 2 DC" gets short shrift from me.

Your choice, suck it up sunshine.

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:48

My exact words were not what you said! They aren't even what I typed that was just the general drift. And I don't think it deserves being bullied 😔

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/08/2016 00:52

Nobody deserves to be the brunt of childish online bullying like this. I think your comment about not being out partying was fairly innocuous and they've deliberately taken "offence" to it to create a drama and post bitchy comments.
Flowers

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 00:57

Ok so I went and had a look, the exact words are "Wish I was partying, I'm so bored" and the background photo is a front facing shot of my duvet

I don't understand how anyone can take it personally but obviously I don't understand anything at all

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OoerBlah · 14/08/2016 01:03

'Banter'. The new synonym for 'cuntitude'.

OuchLegoHurts · 14/08/2016 01:08

Well now in fairness, YourNewspaper you did say that your message was 'passive aggressive'!! To me that says that it most definitely wasn't just a general observation

Diglet · 14/08/2016 01:16

They sound awful but I think it's a big mistake to post anything that could be seen as attention seeking or PA. Its just a bad idea and I think you need to be even more careful if you are (and I'm quoting you) quite sensitive don't understand insinuations and if everything [you] say is really literal
Have you got into problems with social media before?

PepsiPenguins · 14/08/2016 01:19

Regardless of it being passive aggressive, and I'm fairly sure everyone has had a bit of a pity party in one way or another, it costs nothing to be kind to others especially family - childish bullying to someone who is lonely is bloody awful thing to do. I can't see how saying "all right for people partying" could have been anybody, fairly sure OP had lots of other people out and about.

You need a better class of friends OP, it's hard as its your DP sister but you can work around that - you may not realise it now they have done you a favour Smile

Original poster
YourNewspaperIsShit · 14/08/2016 02:03

I googled "passive aggressive" and embarrassingly I've not understand what it meant properly, I just thought it meant sounding a bit miffed Blush Sorry for the confusion

Yes everyone I know of was out tonight that's kind of why I felt like I was missing out more than normal

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