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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give him a lift, again?

79 replies

Runny · 13/08/2016 13:15

I can't work out if I'm in the right or not? My adult, 30 something brother is on the phone to either me or our parents most weekends since he split up with his GF, asking for lifts into town. To be fair my parents usually will give him a lift, but last week it was last minute, an hour before. Due to the late call DM and DF had already had a drink so couldn't oblige, so DM rang me asking me to take him (note how he ddidnt contact me directly). I said yes, then as I was about to leave he messaged me saying he was running late and could I go fifteen minutes later....

Now ive just had a message again. DM and DF are going out for lunch and won't be able to have a glass of wine if they take him. Instead of saying no, they have told him I will do it! I say it's not convenient and that I did it last week, DM then whinges that 'OK, I'll do it, I just have any wine with my lunch' making me feel guilty. DM won't say no to him, I think because he's entitled and self absorbed and she knows if she does a strop will ensue, so she tries to keep him sweet.

Now I don't mind giving lifts occasionally, but I think he takes the piss. He lives a fifteen to twenty minute walk from the town centre. A bus stop is right outside his house, and a taxi would cost him a tenner. AIBU to think he should stop expecting us to be cheufer service and use his legs or something? AIBU to have said no?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 13/08/2016 13:17

No, adult? Get there on your own, love. Not your prob.

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 13:18

YANBU. My pre-teen walks a similar distance into town.

TheCrumpettyTree · 13/08/2016 13:19

Yanbu! He's 30? Ffs! Tell him to grow up.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2016 13:20

If your mum wants to keep him as an entitled spoiled brat, let her, but don't play any part in it yourself. He can walk, ffs!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 13/08/2016 13:20

YANBU. It's especially rude to just tell you, not ask.

Is there any reason why he cannot walk or take public transport? Or indeed learn to drive himself...

I can't drive and I feel really guilty relying on my parents and others for lifts. But they're mainly to hospital for my cancer treatment! If I went to more fun places I'd pay for a taxi or get the bus.

Anyway, the family dynamics all sound a little off. Your mum shouldn't be guilt tripping you about her wine. It's not your responsibility to drive your brother anyway. And if she doesn't want to, then she should just tell him rather than being a martyr.

TroysMammy · 13/08/2016 13:21

No you're not bu. I had inlaws always phoning "for a favour". We bought a 2 seater car.

Why should you drop everything as your brother wants to go somewhere on a whim? I'd take a leaf out of your parents' book and start consuming alcohol during the day Grin.

He needs to grow up or buy a bike.

EvansOvalPies · 13/08/2016 13:21

You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable. What a pratt. Tell him to walk, get a taxi, or a car of his own (does he have a reason for not driving)? Nonetheless - if he has lost his licence for some reason, it is not for the family to get him from A to B - he's a grown man, his responsibility to transport himself.

MatildaTheCat · 13/08/2016 13:21

No, I'm busy, should suffice.

mrsfuzzy · 13/08/2016 13:22

eh? talk mummy about wrapped round his icky littl' pinky bog off comes to mind, man up db, get a taxi, walk or slum it with the peasants on the bus. this 'man'child needs a kick up the 'arris. 'a strop will ensue' wtf ???

BusStopBetty · 13/08/2016 13:23

Nope, he's a lazy git.

Bomb · 13/08/2016 13:25

YANBU but I'm not sure why you are agnst'ing about it or even having to check with Mumsnet. Surely you just say yes or no as you wish Confused

chameleonspots · 13/08/2016 13:25

Not BU.

Tell him to get a bike.

pigsDOfly · 13/08/2016 13:26

Giving someone a lift in my book means taking them along with you to somewhere you are already going, it doesn't mean acting as a taxi service for an able bodied adult who is too lazy or entitled to take care of his own travel arrangements.

I take it he doesn't reimburse your DM or you for the cost of the petrol?

Keep on saying no. If your DM is silly enough to change her arrangements or go without a drink she'd like to have in order to pander to this man child that's her decision. No reason for you to do the same.

If everyone said no to him he'd have to take responsibility for himself. It might do him a favour and be good for him to grow up a bit.

JenLindley · 13/08/2016 13:27

Of course YANBU and actually I think you're doing your mum/parents a favour by saying no because that means it will always be her plans he is disrupting and believe me, she won't tolerate that forever. She will get pissed off with it sooner than if you were helping out. And if she doesn't well then no problem, eh?

HermioneWeasley · 13/08/2016 13:29

It's your parents' choice to noble this shit. Why on earth are you going along with it?

If she chooses not to have a glass of wine with lunch, that is precisely nothing to do with you.

FFS, woman up.

HermioneWeasley · 13/08/2016 13:30

Enable, not noble

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/08/2016 13:31

So let me get this straight. You can't rekax and have a few glasses of wine on a Saturday evening incase he wants a lifts . I'm not surprised your pissed off in a major Fuckin way. Your mum and dad are also a bit out of order saying. "Runny"all do it.". I seethe inside when I'm volunteered for things AKA taken for granted. !!!!.
YNBU. He's 30. He's not 13. He sounds like a pampered Prince to be perfectly honest

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/08/2016 13:32

You're pissed off not your

Original poster
Runny · 13/08/2016 13:34

Yes he can drive and runs a car, but obviously if he took the car he wouldn't be able to drink. He has never, as far as I'm aware done public transport.

He's always been like this, going back to when he first started going out as a teen. DM would go and pick him up from the pub at like midnight, I would never had of expected it and always got a taxi, but not him. Then he met his girlfriend, they started doing couple stuff or just staying in on weekends and it stopped. Now he's split up with her and it's started up again.

He never gives petrol money or returns the favour. DB is very much wrapped up in his own life and social circle and only bothers with the family when he's not got a better offer. DM keeps him sweet because she knows this.

OP posts:
bloomburger · 13/08/2016 13:35

You need to stop doing it or stop moaning about it.

When your DM complains just tell her that he could get a bus and put the phone down.

DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2016 13:36

Message your mum back "Look Mum, if you want to give up having wine with lunch because you don't think [brother] is capable of walking 15 minutes into town by himself or jump on a bus, you go for it. He's an adult and his legs work fine, you don't have to run around after him if you don't want to, I'm not going to baby him just because you are."

Mummaaaaaah · 13/08/2016 13:38

YANBU. what a git. When I first started reading your post I assumed he lived in the middle of nowhere. 15 minute walk AND there's a bus. Tell him to jog on and tell your DPs that a brisk walk is good for a self entitled lazy git you.

MadamDeathstare · 13/08/2016 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happypoobum · 13/08/2016 13:39

Dear me, this is shocking! YANBU, what a pathetic prat he is!

Send Dinosaurs text, it's spot on.

Mummaaaaaah · 13/08/2016 13:39

Sorry just seen has an actual real life car! Surely this is a wind up!?

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