To refuse to give him a lift, again?

[Runny]

I can't work out if I'm in the right or not? My adult, 30 something brother is on the phone to either me or our parents most weekends since he split up with his GF, asking for lifts into town. To be fair my parents usually will give him a lift, but last week it was last minute, an hour before. Due to the late call DM and DF had already had a drink so couldn't oblige, so DM rang me asking me to take him (note how he ddidnt contact me directly). I said yes, then as I was about to leave he messaged me saying he was running late and could I go fifteen minutes later....

Now ive just had a message again. DM and DF are going out for lunch and won't be able to have a glass of wine if they take him. Instead of saying no, they have told him I will do it! I say it's not convenient and that I did it last week, DM then whinges that 'OK, I'll do it, I just have any wine with my lunch' making me feel guilty. DM won't say no to him, I think because he's entitled and self absorbed and she knows if she does a strop will ensue, so she tries to keep him sweet.

Now I don't mind giving lifts occasionally, but I think he takes the piss. He lives a fifteen to twenty minute walk from the town centre. A bus stop is right outside his house, and a taxi would cost him a tenner. AIBU to think he should stop expecting us to be cheufer service and use his legs or something? AIBU to have said no?

I agree Sesta.

When anyone texts you about lifts, text them a taxi number. And that's it Passive aggressive reply? Taxi number. If your parents want to be martyrs let them enjoy it, but don't engage.

Send Dinosaurs' text. That is spot on?

Sorry, that should say That is spot on!

YANBU.

Did you say no?

This just makes no sense at all does it?

Op, you aren't seriously thinking that you may be in the wrong at all, are you?

15/20 min walk, £10 for taxi or take own car.

All of those options & people are gullible enough to give him a lift.

I agree - Dinosaur's text is perfect; send it next time she asks.

No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend. His mates must think he's pathetic .

Another vote for dinosaur text

It would have to be a pretty rum part of town he needs to walk through for me to think he should get a bus or taxi, and as for you taking him, WTF?!!!

Yet another vue for dinosaurs text!

FFS it's bloody ridiculous, just get them told!

Dinosaur's text is spot on. I wonder if his ex got fed up of his entitled bullshit?
You're not responsible for him, or for your mum's feelings about the matter either. If she wants to be a martyr to him that's her problem.

This is deja vú. You posted about this before and got exactly the same replies. Nothing's changed then!

Why can't you tell him you aren't doing lifts any more and tell your DM the same whilst you're at it and tell her she needs to stop pandering to him.

I don't mean this in a mean way but I don't think you have a DM problem I think you have a 'you' problem . It sounds like you are too worried about what other people think of you if you don't comply to their silly requests.

You don't need to make up excuses, you only have to say sorry I cant help and can you stop asking me in future. That's it! That's what most people would do.

OP - send my message - I'm sure your mum will bite your head off, she probably knows it's rediculous but doesn't want you to point it out, she wants you to go along with it so everyone can pretend this is perfectly normal. Keep refusing and pointing out he can walk, mock him for his failure to cope with walking what, about a mile? I'm sure they will disagree and be angry you aren't going along with it, but that doesn't mean you have to act like this is normal. Eventually they will stop asking you.

I send a message saying you're concerned that he isn't able to walk for 15 minutes and suggest he sees a doctor.

I should have made clear in the OP that I'd already said no, but dM was making me feel guilty because she wasn't able to have a glass of wine with her lunch.

Making you feel guilty? Not DB?
Can you see how fucked up this is?

If she wants to drink she has a drink.

Why is this even a thing?! I don't get families like this, when your mum says "oh I've told DB you'll pick him up/give him a lift" you say she shouldn't have done that, you're not available and he's not your responsibility. If your mum then decides she can't have a glass of wine with her lunch then that's her problem not yours and why on earth should you feel guilty?

He has 3 options to get from A to B and none of them include taking the piss out of his family.

Send Dinosaurs texts and if mum doesn't like the response then tough, at least they'll stop asking you.

Why's it anything to do with you? He may be your brother (and he's got a pair of legs that work) but you've said 'no' so what's there to feel guilty about? You need to reset the relationship with your DM and explain to her that you won't be doing lifts for your 30yr old brother any more but if she chooses to, that's her lookout.

You really need to stop enabling this OP.

Ok well then you respond to your mum "of course you could have a glass of wine with lunch if you wanted, (brother) is perfectly capable of walking 15 minutes or hopping on a bus like everyone else. If you chose to not have a glass of wine so you can run round after him, that's your choice, but why are you blaming me because you would rather ruin your own day than say no to him?"