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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About nieces inappropriate profile pictures?

93 replies

NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:41

DNiece is just turned 13, she's just recently in the last couple of months got into make-up, started wearing cropped tops, padded bras and padded knickers
I think the way she dresses is inappropriate and a bit weird but there you go

Recently though her profile pictures on whatsapp have been rather ... Suggestive?
Things like her leaning forward in a mirror and squeezing her 'boobs' together and pouting etc

Her current picture is of her in a bikini stood sideways sticking both her boobs and her bum out with her hand in the arch of her back and pouting

It really is too much

I don't think her mum has whatsapp so I've just sent her a message saying, "don't know if you've seen it but I don't think you'd be very happy with DN's whatsapp picture, you might want to ask her to change it"
She didn't reply to me but sent a message to my Mum basically saying "tell Capes to mind her own business, I can parent my own daughter thankyou very much!"

WIBU?

OP posts:
FuckyNell · 05/08/2016 11:42

Padded knickers??! Shock

Original poster
NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:45

Yep padded knickers! I was very Hmm about those!

OP posts:
Sparklesilverglitter · 05/08/2016 11:46

I have question, what are padded knickers?

I don't have a child that age but I'm not a fan of seeing young teen girls done up like adults if you know what I mean. I can see any need for a 13 year old to have all make up done, wearing a bikini, sticking boobs and bum out.

Ultimately it is up to her Mum and if she's fine with it then I don't know really

Sparklesilverglitter · 05/08/2016 11:46

Can't see

Original poster
NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:47

Padded knickers are just like padded bras, but for your bum!

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 05/08/2016 11:47

It doesn't matter what you think, her Mum has made her feelings clear.
It wasn't unreasonable to express concern (although your message comes across a bit judgey) but it would be unreasonable to keep going on about it now you know Mum's response.

ClopySow · 05/08/2016 11:47

Well that's you told then.

I don't think YWBU, but you know not to interfere again i guess.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/08/2016 11:47

It's none of your business.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/08/2016 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Libitina · 05/08/2016 11:50

YANBU

You did the right thing in raising your concerns, however, her Mum has the final say on this matter.

Mcchickenbb41 · 05/08/2016 11:51

YANBU. you did the right thing raising it although u may get the odd poster on here saying butt out. But I for one think you did the right thing but now I'd step back. My dd is 12 going on 16 and although there are no real issues ATM as in she listens to me when I say no to certain things like make up etc I know my battles are on there way. I would hit the roof of there were pics of my daughter like this on the Internet. And any form of social media is banned from this house. I suspect from the reaction you received the mum knows about the pictures and is ok with it. ! But yeah you've raised your concerns as an auntie now just leave it. At least you give a shit eh ?

Arfarfanarf · 05/08/2016 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:52

Of course it's my business! She's my niece!

And I didn't say I was going to keep going on about it, I'm just shocked at her response, I have a daughter and can't imagine for one minute being ok with her sexualising her image whilst she's still a child and being ok with her putting half naked pictures all over the place!
Just find it very very strange!

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 05/08/2016 11:52

I think YWNBU.

But then again, I've done very similar (except my sister said 'thanks' and made her take it down).

Salmotrutta · 05/08/2016 11:52

Oh dear - whilst I do agree with you about those types of pics I'm not sure "telling" her mum how to feel about it and suggesting how she responds was the best way forward.
People get very defensive about others suggesting how they parent!
Not sure how best to get the message across without ruffling feathers mind you!

Original poster
NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:53

Ah cross posted with a few more reasonable replies, thankyou

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 05/08/2016 11:53

You've been told in no uncertain terms to mind your own business so delete her from Whatsapp and keep out of it.

Eatthecake · 05/08/2016 11:53

Shock at padded knickers, I only knew they exist a week or so ago and for the life of me can not see why anybody needs padded knickers.

My DD is 14 and there is no way she would be allowed a bikini full make up shot as a profile picture, if I am completely honest I don't like her on social media at all.
I do let DD have some 'grown up' clothes but most life she is in jeans & nice tshirt.
Make up I allow light make up ( light colours only)

If your niece is allowed to be like that on Facebook then you can't do anything about it.

I don't think you was being unreasonable to say something, The Mum might not of known the picture was up and I would be grateful if it was my DD and somebody told me

Mcchickenbb41 · 05/08/2016 11:53

Iv Learnt something new today ...... Padded knickers ..... One thing I don't need Grin

PerspicaciaTick · 05/08/2016 11:54

Her mum already buys into the whole objectification thing by buying her DD padded bras and knickers. She is obviously fine with her DD dressing this way. I have no idea why you thought she wouldn't approve of the photos when she quite clearly buys into the idea of making her DD look sexier.

You have done what you can - unfortunately you can't protect your DN from her mother.

Original poster
NoCapes · 05/08/2016 11:55

Salmotrutta I spent ages writing the message and really struggled to not sound judgy, so I went with presuming she hadn't seen it because if any sane person had they wouldn't allow it, instead of basically saying 'your daughters picture is inappropriate'
You're right there really was no good way to say it

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 05/08/2016 11:58

YANBU

I expect she got arsey at the "you might want to ask her to change it" bit, "you might want to" seems to mean "you should" these days rather than the "there is a chance you might wish to do something if you knew the circumstances" which is the interpretation I grew up with.

You could message her again "Got your message via Mum. Apologies for seeming to interfere, just presumed you hadn't seen it. Will MMOB from now on xx"

Tezza1 · 05/08/2016 11:59

Padded knickers are just like padded bras, but for your bum!
So all the years of "Does my bum look big in this?" have been wasted!

SuburbanRhonda · 05/08/2016 11:59

Well, it doesn't really matter that you think it's your business because her mum clearly doesn't think it is.

You've achieved nothing here except to piss her off. Your comments about your own child make you sound very judgy.

HerOtherHalf · 05/08/2016 12:00

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and it's perfectly normal and decent to watch out for any child in your family or social circle. Obviously, how one handles the looking out is important but I don't see how you could have done it any better.

Out of interest, why did your sister feed back her disapproval via your mother, rather than speaking to you directly? Is your relationship with her fragile? Even if she didn't share your concern, would it have been too hard for you just to say "thanks for letting me know but I am aware and don't have a problem with it". That said, how any parent can think it's OK for their child to be posting pics of themselves in their underwear boggles my mind.