About nieces inappropriate profile pictures?

[NoCapes]

DNiece is just turned 13, she's just recently in the last couple of months got into make-up, started wearing cropped tops, padded bras and padded knickers
I think the way she dresses is inappropriate and a bit weird but there you go

Recently though her profile pictures on whatsapp have been rather ... Suggestive?
Things like her leaning forward in a mirror and squeezing her 'boobs' together and pouting etc

Her current picture is of her in a bikini stood sideways sticking both her boobs and her bum out with her hand in the arch of her back and pouting

It really is too much

I don't think her mum has whatsapp so I've just sent her a message saying, "don't know if you've seen it but I don't think you'd be very happy with DN's whatsapp picture, you might want to ask her to change it"
She didn't reply to me but sent a message to my Mum basically saying "tell Capes to mind her own business, I can parent my own daughter thankyou very much!"

WIBU?

[Hulababy]

YWNU to tell her mum.
However her mum now knows and doesn't mind. So, not much you can now do about it. As she is 13y she can have an account, so can't report in that way either.

I have told a fried before when one of DD's friend had posted images of herself - clothes were nothing like you say but still felt they were inappropriate for her age. Mum responded and image was changed. Have seen it happen a few times with odd girls that DD know. So, some parents do take these messages on board so I think it is fine to say.

However, your niece's mum doesn't seem to mind. Does her dad know/mind?

As far as mum is concerned though - nothing more you can do.

You could either hide/defriend said child so you can't see them, or keep her as a friend and monitor from a distance.

[Wineandrosesagain]

A very defensive response - and why via your Mum? Are you and your sister not close?

Personally, if my DSis sent me such a message I'd be grateful, but then I wouldn't be buying a 13 year old padded bra/pants (new one on me!) and makeup.

I think you were right to raise it as I would be concerned that if I had a young niece who was putting a 'sexy' photo out there for the world to see. So you were not being unreasonable.

[NoCapes]

DN's mum isn't my sister, she's my brothers ex, I'm NC with my brother because he basically abandoned DN when she was 3 (and went on to have 5 other children with 3 other women and only sees the children of the woman he's currently in a relationship with, he's a real peach!) our family have always remained in contact with the ex and her family and have always been very close to them and DN
So I'm not sure why she text my mum and not me, that bit was quite odd!
I do think I'm possibly a little bit overprotective of DN as a result of my brothers actions though tbh

I will message her mum back and apologise though (hate apologising when I don't think I'm wrong!) I don't want to cause any kind of rift

[OnionKnight]

YWNBU to message her but it could have been worded better.

Just leave her to it now, her mum is obviously aware.

[ceebie]

It's fine to express concern but your message does make you sound like the parenting police, and I'm not your DSis or SIL told you to keep your nose out. What you could have said was "I just wanted to make sure you're aware of DNiece's profile pic, and make sure you're ok with that?" Then she can decide whether she's ok with it or not, instead of you telling her not to be ok with it.

[witsender]

"You might want to ask her to change it" does make you sound very judgey, even if that wasn't your intention. I can imagine her getting her back up at that, even if she publicly defends her daughter.

[ceebie]

should have been ...I'm not surprised your DSis or SIL told you...

[HerOtherHalf]

Well, it doesn't really matter that you think it's your business because her mum clearly doesn't think it is.

It's not that straightforward really though is it? If the pictures had been explicit would you still hold that line? I doubt it. Now explicit pictures of children are illegal whereas this is a much grayer area but, if we are to put the best interests of children first and foremost, we simply cannot assume that the parents always know best.

[NoCapes]

Hmm I probably should've come on here and asked you to compose the message for me before I sent it!

[hazeimcgee]

Depends on your relationshio with sis - the you might want to tell her bit was a bit judgey imo.

I have messgaed my sis and said have ypu seen x on Niece or Nephews page and left it at that. I havnt suggested what she does about it.

DS and i are pretty close so i'd also be the kind of Aunt to make a comment to niece or nephew myself

[hazeimcgee]

However why has DS messaged your Mom not you? I would contact DS and say i wasn't being funny, i just wanted to make sure you were aware as i know you're not on wattsapp

[Wineandrosesagain]

I like Baloonslayer's suggested text: "Got your message via Mum. Apologies for seeming to interfere, just presumed you hadn't seen it. Will MMOB from now on xx" Might smooth the waters a bit.

[Raeanne]

OP

I've been in exactly the same position.

My 11 and 12 year old 2nd cousins were posting VERY suggestive photos onto FB. I sent their Dad (single parent) a very kind message telling him he might want to check it out and that I was concerned about nasty people trolling the internet. I got a VILE message back from him AND his 13 year old daughter, telling me to "Mind my own f*ing business, I'm just jealous cos I'm fat and ugly" etc etc. This was 4 years ago, we haven't spoken since (apart from my Grandmothers funeral).

A year or so after, I was reminded of when I was 10, a cousin of mine, who was aged 17, used to babysit me. He used to make me put his willy in his mouth. Of course I remembered this - but I hadn't realised it was this SAME cousin who was allowing his daughters to be posting degrading photos. I guess his reaction to my message was pure panick in case I put two and two together.

OP, I apologise. I'm not in ANY way suggesting that your situation is the same. Was just getting my 'stuff' off my chest.

YADNBU - You've done the right thing, there are HORRIBLE people online who want to hurt children.

[OjosCansados]

Jeez, I used to work in a school and the lengths we would go to to safeguard our pupils were crazy.... Especially when it came to photos. Makes you wonder why we bother safeguarding children when their parents are so happy to let their daughters put themselves on display like a flippin butchers shop window for the whole world to see.

[larabanana77]

Sounds like DN is lacking in parental supervision from all sides. I have two daughters and would want to know straightaway if they were flaunting all they had (and padding what they hadn't) on social media. Maybe try reaching out to DN to spend some time with her - and take her shopping for some more appropriate attire. YANBU at all.

[Nanny0gg]

Personally I think it's normal to judge.

Most people by now should realise that once a picture is out there, it's out there for ever.

So even if you're not worried that there's a pervert around every corner, I would be concerned about what future employers, colleges, partners etc could track down. And why would you want all and sundry to look at your children in a possibly pervy way? (is that thread about the older 'friend' chasing after the OP's 18 year-old still around?)

So it does matter and I think your SiL's reaction is silly.

[MrsJayy]

Yanbu but it is nothing to do with you you voiced your concern your sister got your mum involved now its a hooha instead of agreeing with you your sister is defensive and offended and not addressing the fact her Dd is posing all over the internet i suggest you hide your neice as it will only get worse not better.

[DollyBarton]

I think we might have all done a version of this at 13!

Doesn't mean you shouldn't try to stop it! But it's her mums call.

[SuburbanRhonda]

If the pictures had been explicit would you still hold that line?

They weren't explicit so your comment is pointless.

[Nanny0gg]

Why is it nothing to do with her? It's family, not some random child off the street - and I'd be concerned about them too.

[OjosCansados]

The difference, Dolly, is that when we were 13 we were incapable of sharing such images to the whole world.

[witsender]

By contacting your mum she is telling you that she does not consider you family/that you have a say. Her ex's sister etc.

[MrsJayy]

It is her sisters child was never going to endwell nocapes is right but to message her sister pointing out the obvious is going to get her back up her neices social media is not her bussiness imo

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

YWNBU telling DN's mum, just the wording, ofc you care about her safety.

[OliviaStabler]

YWNU. The Mum snapped because she thinks you are judging her and her decision making but you are just looking out for your niece. You did the right thing.