About nieces inappropriate profile pictures?

[NoCapes]

DNiece is just turned 13, she's just recently in the last couple of months got into make-up, started wearing cropped tops, padded bras and padded knickers
I think the way she dresses is inappropriate and a bit weird but there you go

Recently though her profile pictures on whatsapp have been rather ... Suggestive?
Things like her leaning forward in a mirror and squeezing her 'boobs' together and pouting etc

Her current picture is of her in a bikini stood sideways sticking both her boobs and her bum out with her hand in the arch of her back and pouting

It really is too much

I don't think her mum has whatsapp so I've just sent her a message saying, "don't know if you've seen it but I don't think you'd be very happy with DN's whatsapp picture, you might want to ask her to change it"
She didn't reply to me but sent a message to my Mum basically saying "tell Capes to mind her own business, I can parent my own daughter thankyou very much!"

WIBU?

[rollonthesummer]

No harm in making the mum aware, though your message wasn't great!!

[ProfessorBranestawm]

it's perfectly normal and decent to watch out for any child in your family or social circle

I agree, at least that it should be - it takes a village and all that - but I think in current society anything like that is seen as interfering/nanny state/judging etc

[SuburbanRhonda]

The reason her mum thought the OP was judging her was that she is judging her. Read the OP's second post about how she would never allow her own child to do such a thing.

[purplevase4]

My son had an Instagram account in year 7 (yes before he was 13) and so did most of his class. Some of the girls were posting very suggestive pictures in their underwear so I told the school so that they could deal with it as part of personal education classes. My ds doesn't post anything (yet), just follows various classmates and sports personalities.

Yes I was judgey. Because you SHOULD be judgey. 12 and 13 year olds are too young to be doing this. And I definitely did not do a version of this at 13. OK maybe I did at 14, playing strip poker ;) No photos though!

As for the mum buying the padded underwear, maybe she didn't if the DN had her own money. But as she didn't seem to care about the photos she probably did buy the underwear too. I think some mums are really keen for their kids to grow up - and forget that their 13 year old is 13 and not 18. And that social media images can be there forever and future colleges/employers etc can find this stuff.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

I might have worded the text slightly differently but I do think is your business. It takes a village to raise a child and all that. I can't stand it when parents say 'don't interfere in how I raise my child' - of course if they don't want to take your advice that's up to them but raising a concern is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. When my son used a swear word on FB (when he was much younger) a friend texted me to say A is swearing on social media - she didn't tell me what to do about it but said she just wanted to flag it up in case I didn't like it. I didn't have FB back then. I thanked her and told him not to do it again.

I agree with Balloonslayer above regarding the follow up text.

[MrsJayy]

I dont think kids should be showing their all on the internet but I think parents would get offended if somebody commented on their dc pictures like nocapes did especially if the parents are aware of kids activity on the internet.

[MrsJayy]

Maybe when the mum thinks about it she will monitor her Dd but i doubt it

[NoCapes]

Suburban I wasn't judging her in the first message, I genuinely thought she mustn't have seen it
I judge her now I know she's ok with it, of course I do!

[OliviaStabler]

The reason her mum thought the OP was judging her was that she is judging her. Read the OP's second post about how she would never allow her own child to do such a thing.

No she isn't. She is just checking the Mum knew that a suggestive photo was being used.

[Fairenuff]

Where are all the smart young girls? They have every opportunity going for them and they waste it all on tits and arse. What is wrong with our society that parents want this for their children?

Hell yes, I would let my sil know how I felt about it. Why isn't she parenting her child, encouraging her to develop interests outside of herself and explaining to her why putting half naked photos on the internet is never a good idea? She is badly letting her daughter down.

[MonkeyGoneToHeaven]

A year or so after, I was reminded of when I was 10, a cousin of mine, who was aged 17, used to babysit me. He used to make me put his willy in his mouth. Of course I remembered this - but I hadn't realised it was this SAME cousin who was allowing his daughters to be posting degrading photos.

Raeanne I can't believe that nobody has remarked on your post. I am sorry that you went through this. Have you reported the abuse to the police?

[MrsJayy]

She is letting her Dd down fairenuff but you do get mothers who value how pretty their girls are over everything else

[SuperMumNot]

When DS was 12 he was allowed an instagram account only if I set it up and retained the password so I could occasionally check his posts. Of course this meant that I also saw what his classmates posted. In reality he wasn't that interested and posted hardly anything, but the girls were all posting the tits and bums photos .
There were two girls in particular I worried about as
a) they had hundreds of followers, many of whom were obviously not fellow schoolmates/teens
b) their posts attracted some overtly sexual comments
c) they weren't careful about their identities - posting pictures which showed their school and real names

I've done child safeguard training and this sort of thing comes up, so I felt I should say something.
One Mum thanked me profusely afterwards, admitted she was a 'luddite' and 'had no idea' but would definitely make sure her daughters account was more watched/ locked down in future.
The other mother called me a 'f*cking pervert' and told me I shouldn't be looking at children's accounts in the first place .

Some people will appreciate it, others won't.

One of the best stories I heard was at a school where the parents were invited in for a talk about safety and social media and the first few slides were all montages of pictures of their children which were freely available to see on the web.
Caused quite a stir and embarrassment apparently!

[Raeanne]

Monkey/Heaven

Thanks for your message. Unfortunately, at the time, it was 'swept under the carpet'.

Though when I realised who he was, I notified Social Services (who were already taking care of the girls).

X

[NoCapes]

Raeanne I'm so so sorry you had to go through that
Just have to hope that this has nothing to do with his girls' behaviour

[Lovewineandchocs]

You don't know that the mum is actually ok with the pictures though? Although I appreciate that it looks very much as if she is. However perhaps as a single mother she is very defensive regarding any perceived parenting criticism as it is all "on her" as the dad has taken himself out of the picture. My mum was like this, defensive and snappy to criticism but I'd get a bollocking in private. She may be embarrassed that you had seen the pictures and she hadn't. You know her best-is she normally defensive and snappy re her DD?

[Heidibb]

Her mum already buys into the whole objectification thing by buying her DD padded bras

Me and my BILs girlfriend are laughing at this comment. So you think padded bras objectify women then do you? I'm 30 years old and she is 19 and we have both wore padded bras from the moment We got boobs at 11/12 as that's what is more comfortable for us. No objectification. 😂

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Padded bras are for making your boobs bigger of course it's a form of objectification.

[Salmotrutta]

I agree with OneFlewOver - can you explain why wearing a padded bra (which is indeed designed to make boobs look bigger) is not part of objectifying women Heidibb?

[ProfessorBranestawm]

I thought that about padded bras always being bad but on MN a few years ago I read that actually the teen bras being padded is a good thing as it's more comfortable, makes nipples less visible (if cold etc).

Of course with the added 'padded knickers' this seems less plausible as an explanation in this case...

[Lasagna]

I don't think people understand the difference between padded and push up bra. Padded is for discretion and comfort, push up bras are for making your boobs look bigger. There is a clear difference when tou actually have them in front of you.

I too have never not wore a padded bra as they are what I find more comfortable. I also know, through doing their washing, my sons girlfriends who are 16 and 19 also only wear padded.

If she is wearing push up bras, although that is her choice, I agree it is slightly objectifying. Padded bras are fine!!

[IthoughtATMwasacashpoint]

For anyone wondering

[ChicagoDoll]

So you could tell she had padded knickers on???

I'm a sp and can't bear my holier than thou sil and bro berating my parenting choices. Or pointing out when I've fucked up. I'd be secretly grateful in this instance obviously but would probably tell you to mind your own business.
Protecting your relationship with dn is paramount now though, so text her an apology quick.
If you piss her off and no longer see her how are you going to influence her with your amazing parenting ways

[ChunkyHare]

I thought there was a difference between a t shirt bra, a bra just made of thicker material and a padded bra that has padding at the sides to make your breasts seem bigger? By pushing them together to give you more cleavage?

So I read this as padded bra and padded knickers which I didn't know existed until today.

Sadly, I have seen FB accounts where all the girls tend to be standing in the same pose, sideways on, pouting face. Open accounts with all sorts of people being able to gain access.

YANBU to point out the photos to the parent but it is her choice what she allows her daughter to post.