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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude sweary 'carer' in hospital

91 replies

Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 08:58

In female bay. Woman next to me is obvs v ill. Her husband is here ALL THE TIME. He's rude and obnoxious, swears at the staff, is loud and irritating, and because he's her carer at home he's allowed her open hours.

He rocked up at 8.30am this morning. He's not actually doing anything care-wise, just keeping her, and the rest of us awake with his constant prodding and 'are you awake' at her.

Already objected, but he's mean, and I think they're a bit scared of him. I don't want him in here, I'm ill, I feel unwell, and I might stab him with my knitting needles. I've told him if I hear him swear I will call security myself 😡

OP posts:
drinkyourmilk · 04/08/2016 09:02

I haven't met a ward sister or deputy who couldn't handle an aggressive person, regardless of size etc. They will be aware and will act when necessary. Keep complaining to them.

Zuccarelli · 04/08/2016 09:03

Is he actually physically prodding her? I agree keep complaining.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:04

They're pathetic, just rolling over and not doing anything, even when he swears at the staff.

I want to go home 😞

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/08/2016 09:05

Why would you be allowed to bring your full time carer to hospital??

BusStopBetty · 04/08/2016 09:06

Complain. Perhaps they could be moved to a room? Even if he's her carer it's unreasonable to have him there when personal care is being provided to others.

Sidge · 04/08/2016 09:07

I'm surprised the ward manager isn't all over this. I wouldn't put up with my stiffening sworn at and intimidated and I sure as hell wouldn't let my patients have to put up with it either.

Ask to speak to the ward manager with your concerns - carer or not IMO it's inappropriate that he is there. If the manager is ineffective ask to speak to the Head of Service for the division (surgical, medical etc).

I know if you're poorly you shouldn't have to do this but I think it's worth getting the ball rolling.

BusStopBetty · 04/08/2016 09:07

Try pals if the ward staff don't help.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:07

Exactly.

It's unnecessary. They are excellent on this ward.

But it's the rudeness, the bullying, the constant hectoring that's getting to me. I can't deal with it.

OP posts:
Sidge · 04/08/2016 09:07

Stiffening? Bloody iPad. I meant staff.

brummiesue · 04/08/2016 09:10

I am a nurse, speak to the ward sister, they will sort it, they are used to far worse than this. If no luck ask for matron.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:13

It's the ward sister who gave him permission. And I don't have the fight, I've only just got out of ICU.

I just want to go home

OP posts:
brummiesue · 04/08/2016 09:15

Yes but she may not be aware of how he is behaving now, speak to matron, they are senior and could help more.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/08/2016 09:15

My concern is. If he's effing and jeffing in ear shot of everyone when she's in hospital.
What's he likes behind closed doors. I think this women's care plan needs re-evaluting. It could be that he's not coping and/or sleep deprived.

Scared or not. The hospital have a duty of care to its patients, and nor do they to put up with such abuse. If they can't handle him security should be called.

davos · 04/08/2016 09:16

Surely carers are not automatically allowed anytime day or night if they are preventing others from getting well?

At the moment you are to ill to go home. It's not a good idea. Speak to the ward sister and tell her you want to go home because of him.

If you can't face it, is Someone coming to visit? Ask them to do it.

I was in a similar position. Luckily my mum takes no shit and dealt with it for me.

EleanorofCastile · 04/08/2016 09:17

OP can you contact the director of nursing? Ask for a contact email/number for PALS and then ask them to forward this on to the Director of Nursing. In my hospital they would absolutely want to know about this.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:17

She's scared of him, when he's here she makes these scared squeaking noises. It's the only time she does it. He's here because he's in control, not because he cares.

OP posts:
davos · 04/08/2016 09:18

Or (if you feel up to it) tell the nurses you wish to start a complaint in ear shot of him. But I can imagine you don't feel up to that's.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:20

I think I'm just going to discharge. I'll tell consultant when he comes round, and if he asks, I'll tell him why.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 04/08/2016 09:24

For goodness sake, OP, why not tell the sister? If you're well enough to be on here and well enough to discharge yourself, surely you're well enough to do that? Your neighbour sounds like she needs protecting from this man.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:26

I have done. I said in my OP that I'd complained, I complained as soon as he got here. That's when I found out he has open visiting.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/08/2016 09:26

What's up with you, Stratter? ICU is no walk in the park

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:28

Had v v bad asthma attack on Friday, then 2 anaphylactic episodes whilst in here

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 04/08/2016 09:29

I'm a nhs manager. I would want to know about this and I would do something because everybody should feel safe in hospital. PleAse do tell the consultant and ask them to get somebody to speak to you again.

JudyCoolibar · 04/08/2016 09:31

The thing is that when you complained when he got there, it probably appeared that you were simply complaining about his presence. They now need to know that he is keeping the patient awake, bullying her, and that she sounds distressed. They also need to know that he is making your life miserable and that you are seriously thinking of discharging yourself as a direct result.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/08/2016 09:34

Oh God, sounds dire and unnecessary for him to be there.

I remember you saying on my blue badge thread how poorly you'd been and now you're in hospital again? Sad

Do you have anyone who could bring you some ear plugs? I always take them into hospital as I am super sensitive to noise when I'm poorly and like to block every thing out. They sell soft ear plugs in Poundland ,10 pairs!

Keep complaining. Do they still do that patient satisfaction survey thing every day? I'd score it low and see if that does anything and keep complaining to the ward Sister.

Hope you're on the mend very soon FlowersBrew

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