Rude sweary 'carer' in hospital

[Stratter5]

In female bay. Woman next to me is obvs v ill. Her husband is here ALL THE TIME. He's rude and obnoxious, swears at the staff, is loud and irritating, and because he's her carer at home he's allowed her open hours.

He rocked up at 8.30am this morning. He's not actually doing anything care-wise, just keeping her, and the rest of us awake with his constant prodding and 'are you awake' at her.

Already objected, but he's mean, and I think they're a bit scared of him. I don't want him in here, I'm ill, I feel unwell, and I might stab him with my knitting needles. I've told him if I hear him swear I will call security myself 😡

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

If he's swearing I think you should make big noises about feeling threatened.

This is NOT what you need when you're in hospital ffs.

[Floggingmolly]

This is unbelievable . You can be refused NHS treatment (including hospital care) for abusive behaviour towards staff. Why should the fact that he's the patient's carer rather than the patient grant him any protection?
Start shouting loudly.

[JudyCoolibar]

Apparently his right 'as a carer' to be here 24/7 is enshrined in law.

If someone at the hospital has told you that, they're talking nonsense. His rights don't have priority over the rights of other patients, or indeed those of the person he is caring for.

[honkinghaddock]

I agree he sounds an arse so I would complain away.

[TheFairyCaravan]

DH is my carer he's always had to stick to visiting hours.

I've just asked DS2, who is a student nurse, about the right of a carer being there 24/7 being enshrined in law and he said he's never heard of it. He said at the hospitals he's training in the obnoxious twat would be removed by security.

The rights of the patients are more important than his, the wanker. I can't stand people like that.

I'm so sorry Stratter5.

[trafalgargal]

Who told you that ? They are lying

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Sorry you have been hospitalised Strats.

Surely any carer worth their salt would take advantage of the respite provided by their charge being in hospital?

He sounds like an arse.

Hope you feel better soon.

[trafalgargal]

I'd add that you were told that to the letter and who by.

[IcedVanillaLatte]

Poor you :( I was shocked by how poorly this was being dealt with - until you said Boston Pilgrim.

[PovertyPain]

'The rights of the carer' excuse is bullshit. I stayed with my DH 24/7 when he was in hospital, but his circumstances were very different and I did most of his caring. I was respectful to staff and only too grateful for their help, but I worked in the health service for over 25yrs. I had no 'right' to be there.

[hiccupgirl]

Please make more fuss and contact as high up as you can via their website etc if direct speaking to the nurses is getting no where because they are intimidated by this man.

When I was in hospital last year after a major operation there was an elderly male patient who they couldn't discharge who liked to wander into the female wards at night time, just for attention basically. But it was very threatening when you are stuck in a bed, unable to move. After 2 nights of inaction by staff because they were staffed at the bare minimum, myself and another patient threatened to call 999 and report that we were being threatened by another patient - this was after asking to speak to the nursing supervisor and getting nowhere. After that, another member of staff was found specifically to supervise him at night time and keep him out of our ward.
I felt bad for taking a member of staff from another part of the hospital but there was no way we could relax and sleep with him wandering around freely.

[Stratter5]

Resp Ward is usually excellent, however this time I've not had my peak flow taken once during obs. Not once.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

send it dear OP, your rights and the right of others are key. There is clearly a very poor culture on that ward and it needs addressing. Hope you start to feel better soon

[PovertyPain]

Bty, I think he is staying so the poor woman doesn't confide in staff. I strongly suspect she is being abused and he stays to keep control of her. I'm furious the staff are permitting him to stay. In my ward, he would be put out and the staff would be encouraging the patient to speak to a social worker.

[Stratter5]

Oh Poverty that is EXACTLY what I think too :(

[BoreOfWhabylon]

It's a respiratory wad and they haven't done your PFs?

Add that to your complaint.

Please make sure you have a medical review before you are discharged too.

[anyname123]

Ask to speak to the Sisters manager, so Matron / Senior Nurse (whatever the structure is in the the health board)

[Paintedhandprints]

Feel sorry for you in Boston Pilgrim. It is a disgrace there. You may be better off discharging yourself...
Do you have any relatives or friends visiting who can make a fuss for you?

[SirVixofVixHall]

I agree he sounds like an abuser, not a carer. She needs protecting from him, not having him there all bloody day. What are the staff doing letting him in like that?
And Stratters, am so sorry you are in hospital .

[Stratter5]

I have been discharged. My PF was good this morning. This is despite having an asthma attack during the night, requiring nebs. If I wind back in here because they've discharged me too early I will sue the arse off them.

[SirVixofVixHall]

I think adding that she is clearly afraid of him, and that he might be an abuser refusing to let her have any time away from him, rather than a carer, should be added to the email.

[SpaceDinosaur]

How did your PF recover to 400 when it was still only 350 earlier and they hadn't checked it?

Jesus. I really really feel for you OP.

When you're back home and safe I would strongly recommend that you did still email PALs. Both to raise your concerns about sweary mcfuckface on the ward but also to raise a genuine concern for a vulnerable patient.

[Stratter5]

Because I've been taking my own cos they dipped last night, and it's my first warning sign. So if I feel a bit tight, I take them.

[OldFarticus]

Poor you sad I was shocked by how poorly this was being dealt with - until you said Boston Pilgrim.

Same here. That's the hospital where a nurse screamed in my terminally ill friend's face because she asked for help to wash. She was dead 5 days later.

Bloody terrible place.

[honkinghaddock]

A carer doesn't have a right to be there but the patient does have a right to reasonable adjustment. Ds would need someone sat with him 24/7 and probably two people if he is mobile. My fil who has less difficulties would not eat or drink unless reminded, wouldn't do his diabetes checks or take his meds unless told to (and from experience usually isn't told to by hospital staff) and has fallen over getting out of bed when he shouldn't or doesn't need to. So when he is in a family member stays with him as much as possible.
This doesn't excuse carers behaving like an arse and not having the standards of behaviour expected of any hospital visitor.