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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude sweary 'carer' in hospital

91 replies

Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 08:58

In female bay. Woman next to me is obvs v ill. Her husband is here ALL THE TIME. He's rude and obnoxious, swears at the staff, is loud and irritating, and because he's her carer at home he's allowed her open hours.

He rocked up at 8.30am this morning. He's not actually doing anything care-wise, just keeping her, and the rest of us awake with his constant prodding and 'are you awake' at her.

Already objected, but he's mean, and I think they're a bit scared of him. I don't want him in here, I'm ill, I feel unwell, and I might stab him with my knitting needles. I've told him if I hear him swear I will call security myself 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:34

Oh they know what he's like, believe me :(

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 04/08/2016 09:37

If you say something about it, it makes it more difficult for them to carry on ignoring him. They have to consider your welfare, and they have to consider the safety of your neighbour. If they know there is someone who may take it further they're more likely to do something about it.

How about phoning the hospital manager?

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:40

I have never, in my 8 admissions in the last 10 months, seen a patient satisfaction survey.

Just seen my Resp nurse, am being discharged as they feel home is safer for me because of my allergies. Thank fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 09:41

Considering there's still no allergy menu here, I highly doubt anything will be done

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trafalgargal · 04/08/2016 09:44

Odds are they won't put her in a private room as he's likely to be more abusive out of sight.

When you are feeling a bit better please raise this with PALs though.

mrsfuzzy · 04/08/2016 09:47

do you have any visitors etc who would speak on your behalf at the nurses station away from the bedside ? i wouldn't put up with it if my relative / friend was in your position no way, but then i'm a bolshy cow on side of the under dog in most things Smile

DreamingofSummer · 04/08/2016 09:48

You can post on here so you should be able to post directly to the hospital's Chief Exec. and complaints department.

Cocolepew · 04/08/2016 09:56

Sounds awful. Glad you are getting home Flowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/08/2016 10:03

oh you poor thing! I remember when my dad was in ICU, any noisy families were banned. I am very disappointed they are allowing this, and remember hospitals are depressive places so your upset will be hugely magnifies anyway

is there no one that can

(a) speak to the Nurse in charge
(b) speak to the Doctor in charge
(c) speak to PALS for you

I bloody will if you PM me the hospital

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 10:12

Pilgrim, Boston. Ward 7B - go for it

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Babyroobs · 04/08/2016 10:17

We had similar on the ward where I work the other week only it was a whole family. They were drunk, loud and rude and despite their family member being very ill , they were dealt with and told that they would be asked to leave if they didn't pipe down. Due to the nature of how poorly many of our patients are we do have relatives staying over 24/7 a lot.

Dawndonnaagain · 04/08/2016 10:19

Stratters Flowers

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 10:21

She is not 'that' poorly. She'd get better a damn sight faster if she could rest ffs.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/08/2016 10:29

I was in for nearly a month and they brought round survey iPad type things so you could score each shift, this was 8 years ago, I thought they did it in all hospitals now- clearly not!

KEEP complaining, have you told someone he's constantly waking her up?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/08/2016 10:55

just on the website

so, we could place in a very carefully worded anonymous call.

the ward no is on the website but I wont post here for obvious reasons
or someone drafts and email for you, and send to the [email protected]

I think maybe a firm worded email you can vet and send mightt be better than a stranger emailing the ward OP?

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 10:59

Please, now I know that it wouldn't be tolerated in other hospitals I feel furious. I also feel like I'm being discharged to get rid of the issue, as I'm easier to deal with.

Supposed to be 24 hours off nebs and PF of 400 for discharge. Last night I had an asthma attack and needed a neb, my PF was 300. This morning, nobody has recorded it, but it's still only 360.

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Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 11:01

In fact, since I came down I've only been asked to do my PF once, by Dr yesterday morning. It's never usually like this, but the bed next door is taking up all the staff's time.

Good thing I've been doing my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 11:02

Came down = came up, keep forgetting its higher up in the building than ICU

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 04/08/2016 11:08

this is shit for you Stratters - I'm sorry you've been so ill and having to put up with this crap on top of it.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/08/2016 11:23

[email protected]

Topic: Ward visitor causing stress and noise, Pilgrim, Ward 7B

Dear Sir Madam

I am writing to you as a current resident of Ward 7B

One of the other female patients adjacent to me has been allowed to have a male visitor on an almost 24/7 basis, I believe this is because this gentleman is usually her carer?

However the impact this generated on an all-female wards is considerable, and any efforts to report this have been dismissed I feel.

This individual is there on an almost constant basis, which is clearly impactful on a female ward
He is loud, verbally aggressive and has been verbally aggressive to other staff on a frequent basis
I also believe he is impeding the progress of his “charge” as he is constantly speaking to her, keeping her awake and she seems distressed
I also believe that the staff are intimidated by him as his ongoing verbal aggression and volume (and loud swearing) has been allowed to go unchecked

I cannot even begin to tell you how distressing this is, to the extent I want to discharge myself as I cannot bear witnessing this behaviour. I am truly baffled why no one has confronted this individual, and asked him to moderate his behaviour for the sake of his charge and for the other female patients and their peaceful recovery.

I am raising this as a matter of urgency, and will follow up more formally when I am discharged. This is not an experience consistent with the values you state for “patient experience”.

I hope you appreciate that I feel myself to intimidated by this individual to raise the issue verbally. This is not right, and I was so distressed that my friend drafted this for me.

Your prompt attention is greatly appreciated, as I cannot be the only person upset bu this.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 04/08/2016 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 11:31

THANK YOU stop, that is perfect. I'm going to send it today

Apparently his right 'as a carer' to be here 24/7 is enshrined in law. It is utterly fucking ridiculous

OP posts:
BoreOfWhabylon · 04/08/2016 11:37

Oh Stratters, so sorry to hear you are illing my lovely Flowers

Here's a handy patient feedback form for you.

honkinghaddock · 04/08/2016 11:40

Some people will need a full time carer with them as their care needs may be beyond what a hospital can provide for. They shouldn't be causing problems for other patients though.

Original poster
Stratter5 · 04/08/2016 11:44

He's not doing any actual caring though, he is just fussing loudly for show, trying to bully the staff into doing what he wants, and being aggressive - has used 'fuck' to them on numerous occasions.

I appreciate he can be there 24/7 as a carer, but NOT behaving like he is.

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