Rude sweary 'carer' in hospital

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In female bay. Woman next to me is obvs v ill. Her husband is here ALL THE TIME. He's rude and obnoxious, swears at the staff, is loud and irritating, and because he's her carer at home he's allowed her open hours.

He rocked up at 8.30am this morning. He's not actually doing anything care-wise, just keeping her, and the rest of us awake with his constant prodding and 'are you awake' at her.

Already objected, but he's mean, and I think they're a bit scared of him. I don't want him in here, I'm ill, I feel unwell, and I might stab him with my knitting needles. I've told him if I hear him swear I will call security myself 😡

I would ask to speak to the PALS at the hospital - every hospital has one - they should be able to sort on your behalf. That sort of language and behavior shouldn't be tolerated and it would be interested to see if Social services are aware of this man's behavior towards his relative!

My (paralysed, dying) dad was put in a ward in a hospital in Worcester, where they had an elderly patient with dementia wandering round at will, at night, totally unchecked, tipping people out of their beds. His bed was highm the floor was hard and he couldn't call for help (as he could only whisper) and was paralysed so couldn't move. He was terrified. He'd have died there had we not pulled strings and got him cared for at home. One of the last things he said to me, when everyone else was out of the room, was begging me not to allow it to happen if anyone tried to take him back to hospital.

They gave him a panic button. But he was paralysed. Duh! They'd also plonk food down next to him and walk out leaving him to it. He was starving.

Every time I visited, the nurses were sat at the station gossiping and refused to make eye contact, but left you waiting til they'd finished their chat about last night's TV or whatever, (we could hear it - they weren't changing shifts).

I had a terminally ill friend as well who had a procedure done where blood spurted all over her bedding. A couple of days later someone who visited her told me she was still there, in the bloody bedding. She managed to get out of that place and be returned to a lovely hospice, fortunately.

I had been in the same hospital several years before but a totally different ward and dept and they were brilliant. So it seems to depend on where you are.

As for loud visitors, my son was admitted to hospital one evening with a mystery virus. It was a kids' ward. In the bed opposite was a child whose mother put on a Disney film (full blast) around 11 PM or midnight, and played it loudly to the end. Despite our protests - no-one did anything. Must have been 6 kids in there and none could sleep because what seemed like the 'favourite' patient decided to watch TV all night with the sound full blast....

Not one of the ward sisters I trained under would have allowed this sort of thing for an instant - and some of them were bloody scary women, too, who would have had no problems at all taking on SwearyMan.

Nor would they have allowed obs, including peak flows, to be missed, or patients to watch TV all night, keeping others awake. If any of us had failed to feed a patient who couldn't feed themselves, we would have felt their wrath.

In many ways nursing has improved since my day - the training is more academic, and nurses learn far more skills, and can do more than they did in my day - but there are some ways in which the quality of care has fallen.

We had visiting hours, when I was training - and outside of those hours, patients only got visitors in special circumstances - there was flexibility, but enabling the patients to get plenty of rest was considered key to their recovery, and positive effort was put into ensuring that.

Likewise, making sure patients ate and drank properly - if a patient couldn't feed themselves, we did it for them. And nursing staff dished out the meals and cleared them away, so we knew how much each person had eaten.

The ward sister or nurse in charge on each shift made sure they had spoken to or seen each patient during that shift - whereas when I was in hospital for emergency abdominal surgery, I didn't see the nurse in charge once.

A lot of this is down to staffing levels - when I trained, the student nurses were part of the ward's work force, and we spent the majority of our training working full time - so there would be six or more student nurses, at different stages of training, on a ward - which clearly made a big difference to staffing levels.

I think we also need to refocus on responsibilities as well as rights. If a patient has a right to have visitors at all hours of the day and night, those visitors should be told that it is their responsibility to behave in such a way that they don't disturb other patients on the ward - and it should be made clear that, unless they can do this, they will not be welcome at all hours!!

And I think we need the return of the battle axe ward sister. Like my first ward sister, Sister Ball. I got an excellent basic training in my first 8 weeks under her, and she ran her ward to perfection - patients received the best of care.

That's it exactly, we are so swept up with doing everything by the book, that it's forgotten that there's seriously ill people trying to recover. Patients' rights as an whole need to come above an individual's. So if the other patients are being affected by one patient and their family, they are the ones who are dealt with.

Problem is, there's some seriously mouthy, nasty people out there, who simply bully into getting their own way. And if you combine that with weak leadership, well.

I think if patients were treated more as individuals there would be less problems. Ds was in for a day procedure last year and was put in the ward with all the children having similar procedures because that is what they always do. The problem was he found the other much younger children annoying so became very noisy and started self injurious behaviour which then upset the children. In the end he was discharged early but all this could have been avoided if he was given a side room.

I'm glad you're safely out of there and recovering.

The hospital will have a commitment to 'single sex accommodation' and shouldn't be allowing a man within a female bay 24 hours a day.

I am a Bed Manager in an NHS hospital and this would be a breach of our privacy and dignity policy outside of Critical Care environment. If he needs to stay then a side room should be found. Please please complain.

So sorry to hear this. When I was in hospital last year there was a male carer there almost 24 hours with a woman. Luckily he wasn't a problem.

Not out yet, still waiting for meds. Still don't have any epipens ffs.

Excellent post by STDG.

I know you're going home now but for future reference - DH was in hospital recently (v ill with a burst appendix and secondary infection) there was a bloke in his ward of 4 that was an utter nightmare (staff afraid of him, unbelievably rude and intimidating), when DH's doc came around and asked him how he'd slept and he said he hadn't for days (mainly due to this bloke keeping everyone awake all night) the doc was livid and put a rocket up the sister's arse who got him moved.

I get that carers are allowed unrestricted access - but that doesn't supersede the needs of the other patients, so if he's being a twat he needs to go!

Feel better soon

ULHT has an official 'Carers Badge Project' which enables carers unlimited access for visiting patients and supporting their needs during their stay as and when required.

So that's ok then. Sod the actual patients.

Oh no! When I was recovering from meningococcal meningitis the Woman in the bed next to me watched DVDS with the hospital security guard until 3am until I shouted as loud as I could. My headache was so painful. The other patients clapped!! She was the favourite patient too.

So sorry you have been unwell on so many occasions x you're my favourite poster ever xx

Sorry you've been unwell OP and glad you're getting better. Just wanted to give a different perspective. My Dad was dying in hospital a few months ago, my mum would visit with us. Now they had a rather 'special' marriage where she was always very sharp with him, always sounding like she was telling him off, which hid the real affection. In hospital, she was very sweet and quiet to him which weirdly meant he didn't respond to her- the only time he did was when she was telling me off one occasion. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you won't have any insight into their relationship, how he's really feeling about this and what her 'squeaks' mean. I suspect the staff will have a bit more insight. Sorry it's affected you, but a little less judging and assumption would go a long way. I'd be mortified if patients in adjacent beds were assuming like you actually I wouldn't care that much I was too worried about Dad

Oh, and we had open access visiting time because he was dying. Maybe the woman's prognosis is poor.

She's not dying, she had aspiration pneumonia, and is recovering well. I have not judged, I can tell perfectly well the difference between someone making a distressed noise or not, and overwhelmingly I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH SOMEONE SWEARING AND BEING A BULLY 2' from me 12+ hours of the day.

How are you OP ? Are you still home and did you raise a complaint ? I agree he sounds like a prize arsehole

Ron did your mum swear at the staff and eff and blind ? No . I thought not