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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been a bit uncomfortable about this?

107 replies

Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:13

Ordered a pizza at 3.30 last night as was peckish and couldn't sleep. Was paying by cash. I was the only one in the house at the time (I'm pretty small and young-looking, mid 20s).

Anyway, the delivery guy pulls up and I run out with the cash to greet him before he rings door bell to stop him waking neighbours. He seems like a nice enough guy etc, but physically very solidly built, tall, big. He asks to step inside so he can read the bill in the light. He's literally towering over me blocking the door-frame.

All was fine and I paid but for a moment I got extremely paranoid that it was very easy for something to have happened, if he wasn't that nice. I had literally just brought a random stranger into the house.

Aibu to think he could have made a note of the bill amount in the car so I could have paid him asap rather than fumbling with the receipt.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 09/07/2016 14:16

He probably just forgot. Your NU to have felt uncomfortable but there's no point dwelling on it now. It's not something you'll do again

thepothasboiledover · 09/07/2016 14:17

YABVU Hmm

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 14:18

Yes YABU.

Delivery drivers always ask me this because I have no outside or hall light.

Your height, your age, your gender, how young you look, how big he is, how solid he is really has nothing to do with him getting on with his job.

On a different note, we always ask for the deliverer to knock on the window when we order.

Perhaps you could try that?

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:19

I honestly wouldn't normally care, I think I just felt vulnerabke because of the time and the fact I was alone.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/07/2016 14:21

Sounds like he was just a bloke delivering a pizza.

I get quite anxious too about Strange Men so I do sympathise, but this is my issue and I don't think it's a reflection on any tradesmen/delivery men going about their job in my home or regarding my address.

Sirzy · 09/07/2016 14:22

Surely if your that anxious about strangers you wouldn't order a pizza at3.30 am when your home alone?

DCITennison · 09/07/2016 14:22

Well yes, he could've made a note before he got out the car but I can't imagine why it would have occurred to him to do that.

Pizza deliveries are always: hands over pizza, gets out the receipt, tells you the cost, takes the money.

In this instance, for the part where he checked the receipt he needed access to some light.

Nothing wrong or even unusual happened here.

hollie11 · 09/07/2016 14:28

If I'm alone and have ordered a takeaway I'll always say fairly loudly (before I open the front door) so I know the delivery man/woman can hear "pizzas/curries here". I may be a bit mad but I then feel safe knowing they think there's somebody else in the house !

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 14:28

Also, if your doorbell is loud enough to wake your neighbours, perhaps you could look into getting one with a volume control?

I think Argos and other high street stores sell them.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 09/07/2016 14:31

I would have been a bit wary too OP. I think that as a woman, it is difficult not to feel a bit worried in a situation like that. The trouble is, not a lot of men realise that they can cause this wariness. The pizza delivery guy probably had absolutely no idea that you would feel like that. But that's because men simply don't live in a world where 1 in 3 people of their gender will be sexually assaulted during their lives, and where most (not all, but most!) of the opposite gender are bigger and stronger than them. They don't understand that sudden pang of fear when you realise you are vulnerable.

Snowflakes1122 · 09/07/2016 14:33

I'm guessing it was pretty dark outside at 3am.

I wouldn't expect anything different ordering a pizza to be delivered and paying cash at 3am.
Nothing odd about what happened.

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:34

Ok thanks all. I'm definitely not blaming the guy, he was only doing his job, more cursing myself for putting myself in what could have been a dangerous situation. For context I'm 5'2 and he was well over 6' and very well-built, very physically big.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/07/2016 14:38

I don't see that it matters how tall he was when you've already established that he did nothing remotely inappropriate.

Are you generally anxious? This seems like a disproportionate reaction to a pizza delivery man delivering a pizza Smile

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 14:41

Why do you keep bringing size into it?

And also, if you had a normal doorbell then surely he would have delivered the pizza to your door and you would be in exactly the same position?

What I mean is, if he decided to force his way in then he would have done it.

And to do that, he doesn't necessarily have to be taller than your anyway Confused

RadicalPessimist · 09/07/2016 14:45

He didn't do anything wrong but I can see why you were a bit uncomfortable. I'm the same height as you and I wouldn't like it either. It's part of male privilege to have no inkling of how vulnerable women feel on a regular basis. But... Don't go overboard with blaming yourself. Nothing happened. He was polite, you paid and he went on his way. If you want to avoid this happening again, maybe pay in advance via Just Eat or Dominos online then you can just take the pizza and off he goes.

ImperialBlether · 09/07/2016 14:46

Well, of course size matters!

The fact is the OP realised she was in a vulnerable situation - I don't blame her, either. The guy could have looked at the bill in his car.

RadicalPessimist · 09/07/2016 14:48

I've also been known to shout 'Pizza's here Dave!' when opening the door so the delivery guy doesn't realise I'm alone in the house. It may be a bit odd but it helps me feel safer so I don't care.

cdtaylornats · 09/07/2016 14:48

It wasn't a random stranger though - it was a delivery you requested. You knew where you had ordered from, I imagine the pizza place knew who he was and he probably makes dozens of deliveries a night. Had he something criminal in mind I suspect he would be caught pretty quickly.

hotdiggedy · 09/07/2016 14:48

I had no idea you could order takeaway at such a time!

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 14:50

Of course size doesn't matter.

Are you honestly saying that if the pizza delivery guy's intention was to harm the OP, he couldn't have done it if he was the same height as her?

The OP seems to have very low self confidence based around her height and her age.

When in actual fact, neither of those things would have prevented something bad happening, if the delivery guy was that way inclined.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/07/2016 14:50

I'm not quite 5ft.

Do I win?

You do realise that tall women, large women, old women, unattractive women all get raped & abused? Not just delicate, young looking, pretty women? Hmm.

Not to mention that he'd have to be a totally fucking idiot to abuse/rape a woman on the job when his company has sent him there.

How was he supposed to know to look at the receipt in his car? It's not like he was expecting someone to come out the house into the dark to collect the pizza they'd ordered.

BalloonSlayer · 09/07/2016 14:50

Perhaps the big beefy scary looking geezers are the only people prepared to do the 3.30am shift because of all the dodgy characters who order pizzas at that time?

RubbishMantra · 09/07/2016 14:54

As Worra points out, he doesn't have to be bigger than you to hurt you.

I had a horrid bf who was several inches shorter than me (but much stronger) who beat the crap out of me on a regular basis. Until I hoiked up my ovaries and kicked the bugger out.

Perhaps pay by card in future?

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:56

OMG where did I say I was delicate or pretty?!? I mentioned size because I'm not a huge bloke. And I'm clearly an "easy target" should you be that way inclined, obviously I can't fight back. Same way that an elderly, frail person is. I'm not saying he had ill intentions, quite clearly he didn't. Jesus.

OP posts:
sharknad0 · 09/07/2016 14:56

Don't be ridiculous, it's much easier to fight a guy your own size than a bigger and stronger one. Try a self defense class, and you will see what I mean.

(A trained smaller and lighter person can fight back a bigger assailant, but that's not the point here).

OP if you feel uncomfortable, you need to find a way to deal with it: add some light outside your door or something. I only ever open a window at night, but it wouldn't work in a flat (or against a gun, but I am not that paranoid).

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