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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been a bit uncomfortable about this?

107 replies

Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:13

Ordered a pizza at 3.30 last night as was peckish and couldn't sleep. Was paying by cash. I was the only one in the house at the time (I'm pretty small and young-looking, mid 20s).

Anyway, the delivery guy pulls up and I run out with the cash to greet him before he rings door bell to stop him waking neighbours. He seems like a nice enough guy etc, but physically very solidly built, tall, big. He asks to step inside so he can read the bill in the light. He's literally towering over me blocking the door-frame.

All was fine and I paid but for a moment I got extremely paranoid that it was very easy for something to have happened, if he wasn't that nice. I had literally just brought a random stranger into the house.

Aibu to think he could have made a note of the bill amount in the car so I could have paid him asap rather than fumbling with the receipt.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:02

You do seem a bit fixated on your diminutive size OP. It's coming over loud and clear that you see yourself as a bit dainty and unable to defend yourself.

My advice? Go to a self-defence class and learn how to defend yourself. You may never need to but would have the skills should they ever be called into action. That would give you some self-confidence and you wouldn't be so worried about delivery drivers.

Alternatively, keep a torch (with batteries in it) by the door and when/if they ask to step in, brandish your torch and say, "no need" and click it on.

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 16:04

Lol lying where do I describe myself as dainty Grin I don't even use the word petite. I said I'm small and I mentioned my height once, I think you're surmising?

OP posts:
Obliviated · 09/07/2016 16:09

JustEat finds quite a few open places 24 hours a day. Brilliant for pregnancy cravings. And you can Pre pay.

midcenturymodern · 09/07/2016 16:10

I work as a delivery driver on occasion. For the record I am about 3 inches shorter than you and I am dainty. I always check the price in the car and have change in my hand ready to hand over in case the person who opens the door is a murderer. I don't think any of our male drivers do this because it doesn't occur to them that they might be attacked. Sometimes I will be told to go to the back door or asked to come in while the get money and I absolutely hate it. I don't think people who ask this ever think they are making you uncomfortable because they are just getting on with finding their money or whatever. I suppose that's what male privilege is, not having to think about it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:12

You've mentioned being 'pretty small and young-looking' in your OP, then followed it up with a 5ft2" reference in a subsequent post, along with being an easy-target - and referred to this man as well built, physically very big - and blocking the doorway.

How am I surmising exactly?

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 16:13

Agreed midcentury. I think I'm getting quite a lot of flack on this thread for admitting that that is the case though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 16:15

Exactly lying, I mentioned it twice. Swiftly followed with the following:

"I honestly wouldn't normally care, I think I just felt vulnerabke because of the time and the fact I was alone."

"I mentioned size because I'm not a huge bloke. And I'm clearly an "easy target" should you be that way inclined, obviously I can't fight back. Same way that an elderly, frail person is."

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:17

You've also had some good advice as to how to manage deliveries in future.

I'm baffled that anybody would wake up in the night and want to eat at all, nevermind order a pizza, but we're all different. I'm asleep and staying asleep. I'd take sleeping pills if I was awake and wanting to eat at night.

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 16:19

Wtf lying? Why are you being deliberately antagonistic Confused

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:20

Most women are not 'huge blokes'. What an odd comment. 5ft 2" isn't that tiny but if you are hung up on your height then some self-defence moves might make you feel a bit more confident about your ability to defend yourself.

Your posts on this thread - other than referring to your height - have been about this man's size. He did absolutely nothing to warrant your suspicion or concern but if you don't feel confident then follow the advice and order online so that there can be no repetition.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:23

cross-posted with you. I'm not being antagonistic. I'm taking what you're saying at face value and your points as literal, ie. your height, your concern about this bloke's size, etc.

It's a bit of a non-event, other posters have given you good advice to put your mind at rest in future.

I'll leave it there because I'm taller than you. Wink

Ditsy4 · 09/07/2016 16:26

I didn't know you could get pizza at that time of morningShock

Ok you've made a mistake, learn from it. Have a torch ( have frozen pizzas) or tell him to check in the car.

OurBlanche · 09/07/2016 16:26

Crikey! YANBU really you aren't.

You didn't say he did anything to make you feel uncomfortable. You clearly stated he hadn't....

You did say that you suddenly realised you might have done something a bit daft that could, under any circumstances, short/tall man, day or night, have put you at risk.

I thought you said quite clearly that his actions were not really at issue but your sudden perception of your situation, alone at 3.30 in the morning with an unknown man blocking your doorway, had made you feel uncomfortable.

The lessons you need to learn from this are:
a) maybe don't ever order pizza at 3 in the morning ever, ever again - at least that way I won't have to feel jealous... no take aways deliver here at all, at any time of day or night

b) don't post about such happenings here, ever again. As you now know you will find yourself getting flamed for being sexist, sizist, heightist, self centred, fixated on your beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeutiful body and many other ridiculous twists to your tale.

I hope you can square it away. You did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong, but for that moment you had a bit of a panic.

Sadly coming here to ask if your feeling was daft, maybe looking for reassurance, has only met with some posters determined to make you feel worse.

Brew
AnnaMarlowe · 09/07/2016 16:27

Lying perhaps I'm reading your posts wrongly but they are coming across as a bit arsey.

The OP is a smaller than average woman. The delivery driver is a taller than average man. The contrast between their relative heights, physical proximity and the dark isolated situation made her (not unreasonably) nervous.

She hasn't said anything unreasonable.

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 16:29

Just buy a doorbell with volume control, then you wont have to walk outside to collect.

There are loads on Amazon.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2016 16:33

I suppose that's what male privilege is, not having to think about it.

Exactly.
Pizzy delivery guy should have been more considerate and done this in the car. Your customers should be more considerate and have the cash ready when opening the door.

pippinandtog · 09/07/2016 16:34

OMG where did I say I was delicate or pretty?!?

OP said he was pretty small and young-looking.
Not pretty, small and young-looking.
Bit of an eats shoots and leaves thing.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2016 16:35

It's not about the man. It's about the OP forgetting basic safety for herself. It's not all about the menz

I am pretty sure she was worried that the man would attack her. I am pretty sure she didn't fear an evil female fairy would flutter in and kill her because she had forgotten basic safety.

It is about male violence. Don't be daft.

pippinandtog · 09/07/2016 16:37

I mean he or she.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:38

AnnaMarlowe, I'll apologise to the OP if my posts were arsey, I honestly didn't intend them that way. I guess I'm just a bit nonplussed that an adult woman who feels her height keenly wouldn't have some safeguards in place if she feels anxious. The reference to the guy's height/size is a bit irritating as it's irrelevant given that attackers come in all shapes and sizes as I know from my own experience,

There has been some good advice from other posters for the OP. I really am going to leave it now because I'm not out to upset the OP or anybody else.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2016 16:40

Just a clarification on the 'pretty small', I read that as 'quite small'; nothing at all to do with OP's looks.

Phalenopsisgirl · 09/07/2016 16:45

I'm a take out delivery driver ( occasionally) and I wouldn't think to read the bill in advance, sometimes I even forget my credit card machine/ float and have to run back to the car because I'm so busy lugging the bags. I really wouldn't think to read the total and remember said total until the customer had come to the door, and even if I had I would still check again. The driver is in a far more vulnerable position here, they are on your turf, an opportunist attacker wouldn't pick on a victim that his employer had sent him to, they would have zero chance of getting away with it!

AnnaMarlowe · 09/07/2016 16:47

Lying Smile I think tone is often difficult to read on MN.

I suspect that the OP hadn't been in exactly this position before hence the thread.

My DMum is very petite (less than 5 ft) I know that she finds very tall men (and sometimes women) intimidating from time to time just by nature of their size.

I know that my very tall, broad DH is aware that his size can be intimidating on occasion, as a result complaints about eg customer service are usually done by me as he (unintentionally) looks pretty scary when pissed off.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 09/07/2016 17:03

YABVU but only because reading this has made me crave a pizza.

I have now ordered one because of this thread so yes YABVVVVVU OP.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 09/07/2016 17:05

However on a more serious note YANBU to have felt the way you did.

You can't help what you feel like if that makes any sense...so if you felt uncomfortable then I don't think I have the right to tell you are wrong.

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