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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been a bit uncomfortable about this?

107 replies

Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 14:13

Ordered a pizza at 3.30 last night as was peckish and couldn't sleep. Was paying by cash. I was the only one in the house at the time (I'm pretty small and young-looking, mid 20s).

Anyway, the delivery guy pulls up and I run out with the cash to greet him before he rings door bell to stop him waking neighbours. He seems like a nice enough guy etc, but physically very solidly built, tall, big. He asks to step inside so he can read the bill in the light. He's literally towering over me blocking the door-frame.

All was fine and I paid but for a moment I got extremely paranoid that it was very easy for something to have happened, if he wasn't that nice. I had literally just brought a random stranger into the house.

Aibu to think he could have made a note of the bill amount in the car so I could have paid him asap rather than fumbling with the receipt.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/07/2016 15:00

"Well, of course size matters!"

No, I don't think it matters here because nothing happened.

She ordered a pizza. He delivered the pizza. Job (literally) done.

Ruminating after the fact that a mundane interaction with a man just doing a job might have ended badly is not particularly mentally healthy behaviour.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/07/2016 15:00

Were you drinking last night? Is this a drunken anxiety thing? I think that's quite common.

Otherwise, I think it's just that he didn't expect you to meet him outside and thought he'd be able to use the light when you opened the door to read the bill. His size doesn't matter - he could be 5😞 ft nothing and overpower you if he was strong, or 6 ft 7 and quite weak and unfit.

The "he could have hurt me" thing can be applied to almost any situation in life, too. It's generally not a productive thought! It'll just make you more anxious.

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 15:01

Don't be ridiculous, it's much easier to fight a guy your own size than a bigger and stronger one.

Not at 3.30 in the morning when all you're expecting is a deep pan pepperoni...

The OP's size and age is really not relevant at all.

WannaBe · 09/07/2016 15:02

Well, being the big bloke that he was, didn't it occur to you that he could have dragged you into his car?

You ordered a pizza, the pizza delivery guy delivered the pizza. the end. Ordering pizza doesn't make you vulnerable - it really doesn't.

I had a situation once where someone delivered something to my house, it was a huge, long, massive box, and he had to bring it right in. I didn't even know what it was - wasn't expecting anything, just assumed now eXH had ordered it. Anyway, he had to come into the house to bring it in, and when he put it on the floor he backed up against the front door so it closed. now that made me feel vulnerable, because I was suddenly alone in the house with this bloke I had never met, I am VI, and he had closed the door behind him...... I asked him what the hell he was playing at and he mumbled something about not wanting the dogs (who had just appeared from the lounge) to get out. He left swiftly, but oddly was back about two minutes later to say he'd delivered the box to the wrong house. I fed it through the door, not a chance in hell he was going to be allowed back in. Shock.

To this day I will never know whether he had any ill intent. But generally those types of situations happen when you're not expecting them. I live with just DS now, and the pizza delivery bloke would be the last thought on my mind in terms of a potential attacker.

Next time, pay with a card when you order. Smile.

VulcanWoman · 09/07/2016 15:06

I usually feel pretty safe with delivery peeps, mainly because they'll be registered with their employer, too easy to be caught. Mind you, I had a Hermes delivery guy, he was huge, stood really close to the entrance, I did feel a bit intimidated by him.

WannaBe · 09/07/2016 15:07

And actually thinking about it, it would surely be far more preferable for him to drag the OP into his car, drive to a remote location, murder her and leave the body there. That way he could say that when he arrived there was no-one at the house, and no-one would ever suspect him.

Just saying......

Crunchymum · 09/07/2016 15:08

I live in central London and I don't think I could get a pizza delivered at 3.30am. Where are you based OP?

Have to agree with poster who said the big beefy driver is probably deliberate due to to amount of pissheads ordering food that time of night.

WannaBe · 09/07/2016 15:09

Dominoes deliver until 3:30 iirc or 3 at the latest....

trafalgargal · 09/07/2016 15:12

Get a torch
Pay by card

I'm not sure I'd order a pizza at that time of night if I was alone in the house and generally a bit nervous though tbh

sharknad0 · 09/07/2016 15:13

WannaBe it would, but then again it would be easier to do so for a bigger man than one your own size. (or for a bigger woman to be fair, much easier to fight a woman your own weight). Just because someone tries to drag you somewhere doesn't mean that he will succeed.

I didn't read that the delivery guy here was in any way shape or form inappropriate or threatening, but that the OP realised that if he had been, she was in big trouble.

If I was leaving in an isolated house middle of nowhere, I don't think I would order deliveries at 3am...

MonkeysWAGMug · 09/07/2016 15:13

I'm flummoxed by the doorbell thing. I don't understand how it's disturbing others Confused

Anyway, I think YABU in this case.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2016 15:20

Not to mention that he'd have to be a totally fucking idiot to abuse/rape a woman on the job when his company has sent him there.

There's lots and lots of totally fucking idiots in this world. And most rapist never go to jail, so ... yeah. I wouldn't exactly rely on the law, or the intelligence of the average male for my safety.

Perhaps the big beefy scary looking geezers are the only people prepared to do the 3.30am shift because of all the dodgy characters who order pizzas at that time?

Possible.

Perhaps there should be a women only pizza service.

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 15:24

I'm not a delicate flower, sorry if that's how it has come across. Just felt a bit scared cos he was totally blocking the doorway and I felt like I had put myself in a silly situation. Of course 99% of the time nothing would happen but as pp have said you just need one person.

Oh and fwiw I looked ugly (some seem to think I am bigging up my looks?): no makeup, scraggly hair and old jumper. So don't think I think I looked irresistible or smithing. Yes I'm generally an anxious oerson.

OP posts:
Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 15:24

Next time I will pay by card and/or not order pizza that late.

OP posts:
Obliviated · 09/07/2016 15:34

I don't think you were being unreasonable. You took a risk with your safety and it made you jittery. We aren't supposed to say things like that because it's sexist or whatever, doesn't stop it being true though.

Penfold007 · 09/07/2016 15:39

Half you might like to have a look here www.suzylamplugh.org/ they have some excellent tips on keeping yourself safe.

JanetStWalker · 09/07/2016 15:44

Very jealous that you can get pizza delivered at that time of night!

BlossomHillOne · 09/07/2016 15:45

Maybe you could ask for a delivery driver of average height next time Confused

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2016 15:49

Maybe you could ask for a delivery driver of average height next time

... or, you know, a female delivery driver. Because that's what this is about: Male violence, and male privilege.

Buggers · 09/07/2016 15:53

The op isn't blaming the delivery driver she's trying to say she feels stupid for putting herself in a situation where it could have turned dangerous, she's not saying the delivery driver would harm her but how it should have entered her head not to let a stranger into her house whilst she's alone in the early hours of the morning.

Obliviated · 09/07/2016 15:57

It's not about the man. It's about the OP forgetting basic safety for herself. It's not all about the menz

AnnaMarlowe · 09/07/2016 15:57

Half I think you are getting a bit of a hard time. It's all about context:

It was dark, quiet and you were standing in unusually close proximity to a strange, well built man.

Your instincts shouted "unsafe!!" At you. It's nothing to do with whether it was actually unsafe, or whether he was a nice man or not. It's a primeval response.

Can I recommend Dominos, you can pay in advance with PayPal if you order online and then you can just have the tip ready when you run out.

LizzieMacQueen · 09/07/2016 16:01

I think you're all wrong. I think he was just checking that you do actually live there and weren't some random on the street who saw an opportunity to scoop in and nick someone's pizza. He could only do that by walking you back to your door.

Original poster
Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 16:02

I was at my door, I opened the door to let him in and had money ready. But he asked to come inside.

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 09/07/2016 16:02

I genuinely am intrigued as to where you can get pizza at 3.30 am. I am also starting to crave pizza myself, which is very bad for my diet. Where I live, dominos and pizza hut shut at 11 pm. Might be some other places open till 1, but not that I know of.

As for the AIBU, yes you are, he did nothing wrong but I can understand why you felt uncomfortable. I sometimes think how easy it would be for someone to overpower me, but it's not the fault of all the people who happen to be physically stronger than me.