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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sponsor this friend?

124 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 08/06/2016 07:39

I'm prepared to be told I am being!
I have a friend who for years does a number of things for the same charity, that she never bloody trains for.
The first one she did was a 10k which she didn't train for and walked and then got annoyed when the race organisers had all but packed up (small local 10k it had a cut off time she was about 29 mins behind).
Since then she's been a did not finish in the London marathon (again did no training)
Did no training and dropped out very early in the three peaks challenge
And so on and so forth. she is quite sedentary and keeps getting charity places in these events to motivate herself to do some exercise and never gets round to starting...

She's emailed me yesterday about an 2 mile open water swim she's doing in 3 weeks, asking for sponsorship. I emailed back asking how the training was going, and she's not done any as she's self conscious about going to the swimming pool Hmm

Aibu to stop sponsoring her? It's not that Indont want to give money to charity but I don't want to encourage her constantly signing up for everything and anything when she has no intention of training and probably won't complete?

OP posts:
ApostrophesMatter · 08/06/2016 07:41

Tell her you'll give her sponsorship when she's successfully completed the swim. I've done that with a friend who does this. Not cost me a penny so far.

Buggers · 08/06/2016 07:42

YANBU, can't she do a cake sale or something else if she wants to raise money for charities?

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 08/06/2016 07:42

That's a really good idea! Not thought of that.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 08/06/2016 07:42

That's really difficult! I was thinking this would be for someone who finds marathons easy and wants sponsorship all the time (I would suggest a sponsored shut up about running) but this is basically the opposite! Apart from wanting sponsorship all the time!

she is trying and some activity is better than none. Do you live close enough that you could offer to swim with her?

SqueegyBeckinheim · 08/06/2016 07:44

Not only would I not sponsor her, I'd point out that attempting swimming two miles in open water if you're not prepared for it is dangerous and will potentially risk others swim as they might end up having to rescue her.

branofthemist · 08/06/2016 07:45

I thought most sponsorships wer wonky paid if you actually did it.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 08/06/2016 07:47

^^ bran if you use just giving it seems to work like a donation type thing?

OP posts:
sandiedc01 · 08/06/2016 07:49

Why not say you've just sponsored someone else and wish her luck :)

Shirkingfromhome · 08/06/2016 07:53

I thought the same bran but I forgot about jusygiving. Still, if she hasn't completed it people can ask for there money back mean

I don't think YABU. I don't mind sponsoring people if it's a one-off but when it's time and time again it's a bit much. (I'm not tight, but I already have a charity that I have chosen to donate to regularly).

80sMum · 08/06/2016 07:56

I am not keen on "sponsoring" any of the various events that take place supposedly in aid of charity. All these race for life, pretty muddy, moonwalk etc etc I find rather irritating and I avoid paying for them if I can.

I just don't get it. How are the two things connected? I enter a race and that means you have to pay funds to a charity? Doesn't make sense!

80sMum · 08/06/2016 07:56

Sorry forgot to add YANBU!

branofthemist · 08/06/2016 07:57

bran if you use just giving it seems to work like a donation type thing?

So another downside of just giving? Surely you can ask for your money back as the person has done it?

I would sponsor her. At the moment you might as well just donate money straight to the charity.

They are getting less because of the just giving fees and she isn't actually doing anything.

LunaLoveg00d · 08/06/2016 08:16

I have a friend doing a similar open water swim and she has been training hard -including swimming in the sea in recent weeks. I have no doubts she will complete the swim and I was happy to bung her a tenner as it's for a great cause.

I would definitely in this case make the donation dependent on completing the swim. From what you say, she hasn't a chance. She is also being incredibly reckless with her own safety undertaking this sort of event without proper exposure to swimming in cold water, in a wetsuit, in the open air. Quite different to swimming in a pool.

toomuchtooold · 08/06/2016 08:16

2 miles in open water? With no training? She's optimistic, I'll give her that.

PurpleWithRed · 08/06/2016 08:21

With just giving you can still donate after the event. You don't have to donate now. So just tell her you'll donate when she completes.

VioletBam · 08/06/2016 08:21

I've got a friend like this! It's bloody weird! She's overweight and unfit but signed up for a triathlon! She never completed obviously. She also does random runs and walks them.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 08/06/2016 08:33

If they are space limited events I'd be very blunt & tell her to stop wasting the spaces. If they aren't then let her crack on, only paying once she's completed them (easy to do with Just Giving).

gingerboy1912 · 08/06/2016 08:40

Sponsor her a fiver and wish her luck.

t4gnut · 08/06/2016 08:43

I never sponsor anyone who does these self aggrandising events 'for charity'.

I am not paying for your hobby/bucket list event. Take the money you've spent on specialist equipment and travel and/or time you've used preparing for/on the event and give that to the charity instead.

Dozer · 08/06/2016 08:59

I would say no but wouldn't make any comments about your reasons!

TheNaze73 · 08/06/2016 09:03

YANBU, slightly off tangent but, getting a marathon place & not training for it, is a disgrace. I've tried to get in 12 times & only got in 4 times. Those places are like gold dust.

Sabie · 08/06/2016 09:03

TBH I have a problem with people 'doing charity' basically for their own gains but others pay....trekking the Inca Trail for instance is a holiday choice, not an act of goodwill, unless you pay all the expenses of the trip and ALL the sponsorship money goes to the charity. I wouldn't donate.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/06/2016 09:10

2 miles open water swimming with no training....she has NO chance. I used to do a lot of swimming in a pool. I went open water swimming with a friend who does it regularly - I managed about 200 metres, it is entirely different to swimming in a pool, its cold, you cant get the breathing right, it's bloody knackering.

YANBU

Bear2014 · 08/06/2016 09:13

Tell her you are trying to give to a variety of charities and have maxed yourself out on sponsoring people for the meantime. Or that you will after payday (by which time the event will have happened and you only have to sponsor her if she completes it).

StopLookingAtMyAccount · 08/06/2016 09:22

I don't like sponsoring people to do events. ( I particularly dislike the London Marathon.). I prefer to give money directly to charities.

I also refuse to use JustGiving and similar companies to give money as I prefer 100% of my money to go to the charity I wish to give to.