To not sponsor this friend?

[lastqueenofscotland]

I'm prepared to be told I am being!
I have a friend who for years does a number of things for the same charity, that she never bloody trains for.
The first one she did was a 10k which she didn't train for and walked and then got annoyed when the race organisers had all but packed up (small local 10k it had a cut off time she was about 29 mins behind).
Since then she's been a did not finish in the London marathon (again did no training)
Did no training and dropped out very early in the three peaks challenge
And so on and so forth. she is quite sedentary and keeps getting charity places in these events to motivate herself to do some exercise and never gets round to starting...

She's emailed me yesterday about an 2 mile open water swim she's doing in 3 weeks, asking for sponsorship. I emailed back asking how the training was going, and she's not done any as she's self conscious about going to the swimming pool

Aibu to stop sponsoring her? It's not that Indont want to give money to charity but I don't want to encourage her constantly signing up for everything and anything when she has no intention of training and probably won't complete?

Whilst I don't think YANBU and I too would be hesitant to donate, the money is for charity so it is a tough one. A couple of quid wouldn't hurt on the premise she finishes.

Sorry, I mistyped. I don't think YABU!!

Someone I know recently did a bungee jump in the name of charity. The money raised barely covered the cost of the bungee jump, so people had basically just paid for him to go on a thrill seeking thing.

Back when we had to get sponsors for things at school, money was only ever collected AFTER the fact so this sort of thing didn't go on

I sponsor based on how much of an effort it is for that person. So someone who had never exercised before and was in training for their first 5k would br sponsored for a 5k, but I might not sponsor a triathlete for his 15th triathlon (unless the cause was great). But I would not sponsor someone who I knew would never complete it, and endanger others just by getting in the water...

Give her the money on completion. She's not going to chase for monies if she's not completed it! Or do what I sometimes do, sponsor per mile and pay accordingly!

I have done a number of events and I am very cautious about asking for money. I always train. I asked for money for my first (and only to date) marathon and a triathlon but not for my half marathons / 10km/5 km that I have done. During this time one of the 5ks I did was with a group and people in the group started to pressure me in to collecting money for the run as part of a group fund raiser. I felt uncomfortable as I was aware I was doing other events and didn't want to be asking for money all the time. It's tricky!
I do think the open water 2 mile thing is absolutely crazy, swimming is extremely hard and dangerous if she isn't fit. She definitely should not be attempting this.

Should point out when I say asked for money I meant for charity not for me!

Pay up once it's been completed. Isn't it fraud otherwise?

She needs reporting because she's a risk to herself and others.

I've done things like Race For Life to fund raise in the memory of people I've lost to cancer. I only did it a couple of times so as not to be bugging people a lot for sponsorship but at the time it meant a lot to me and helped my grief to feel I could do something.

I've since become disabled and would like to do a 5k next year for a hospital charity that saved my life. If I manage to walk or wheel 5k that will be a real achievement and I think my friends and family would understand that.

But sometimes people do take the piss and want to go walk the great wall of China and do it in the guise of fundraising. Fundraising should mean all the money raised goes to the charity, not covering a holiday. An ex friend of mine made a big song and dance about quitting drinking for a year to raise money. I thought it was much more likely she'd finally realised she was a piss head besides how were we meant to know that come the 31st of December she'd really not touched a drop all year? Anyway by refusing to sponsor her I was branded a selfish bitch and dropped before having my character assassinated on Facebook. I noticed a couple of months later she'd stopped hounding everyone for money and the Just Giving page had disappeared....

I think if you are really a friend , I would talk to her about how dangerous it is.. I would say I won't sponsor you to attempt something so dangerous without training.

Id probably chicken out of actually having an sort of discussion about the morals of her applying for these places (when others cant get in themselves and are prepared to actually train) but id be tempted to have made a comment along the lines of 'wow you're doing well to have been awarded a space....there must have been lots of disappointed athletes!) Maybe that's a bit sharp and might cause upset but I don't know.

Does she give the money to the charity in the end or are you saying that the sponsor money actually funds the entrance type fee thus going to the organiser?
I guess if the charity get the money great but if not - no, I wouldn't be shelling out.

You could always tell her that you've seen a treck somewhere beautiful and picturesque that you fancy...but it will need sponsorship :) What would she say if you asked her for money?

Maybe awful of me to say but I see 'holidays' all the time that look awesome and often have a conservation element to them...but id never afford it and wouldn't DREAM of asking friends and family to effectively pay for me to go off on a jolly! That's what a lot of them are aren't they really?

Her hearts probably in the right place I guess x

I'm training for a 5km pool swim and it's bloody hard work! I think I'll have to get a waterproof MP3 player, great idea!

Seriously though, you need to warn her of the danger... and if I were you I'd make a donation to a charity of your choice instead...

Most of these events are space limited, so it seems unfair that she is taking up a space that somebody else would like and be really motivated about. I would suggest only sponsoring after the event, and only if she completes it in a reasonable time.

You're definitely not U. I run and occasionally ask for sponsorship for big races but the sponsorship isn't just for the race, it's for all the training effort that goes into it. The hours of running beforehand.

And she's a danger to herself attempting the swim with no training. I've done long open water swims and they're very different to swimming a few lengths in a pool. For her own safety you should dissuade her.

It sounds as if you do sponsor her it may be the last time you'll have to.

Did u speak to your friend op?

I had a friend who was forever running marathons and organising fundraisers,

Posted that too soon!

I got fed up in the end and felt like saying,
If you want to spend your weekends pounding the streets, fine. Just don't expect me to keep giving you money for it.
(I didn't, though)

I'm not clear what happens to the money when this friend doesn't do the event.

If the money still gets collected and given to the charity, then fine at least the charity gets the funds.

If she doesn't do the event and pockets the money (which I presume she doesn't do) then that's a definite no, because the charity loses out twice, once for the money and twice for the event place.

If she doesn't do the event and no money is collected, then the main "victim" is the charity which gives her a place which is effectively wasted. So in this option, saying no is the right thing to do so she doesn't keep doing the same thing again and again.

T4gnut you have summerised exactly how I feel about the whole thing. Thanks

*summarised

daisychain01 Assuming she is using justgiving the charity will still get some of the money. The rest of the money will go towards paying for the place in the swim and justgiving's costs. Charities would get far more of the money donated if she didn't do the event and it was paid via a system that didn't take some of it (directly or via non-charging systems like BT's mydonate).

Currently got a friend's daughter doing a sponsored skydive (via justgiving) which I will not donating for....