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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you fall for someone you've never met

104 replies

PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 10:52

Met online,local to me , says all the right things and has my heart racing, I'm in danger of getting carried away
I know I sound like a lunatic, I think I need some sense slapped in to me
We've swapped pics and phone numbers and he just sounds to romantic and lovely but it's all complicated, I need to stop but don't know how and don't know if I can,I feel as high as a kite with all the attention

OP posts:
branofthemist · 04/06/2016 10:55

I don't think you can. Because for all you know you may not fancy him at all, just no attraction. He may be lying and talking shit. You could meet face to face and realise he is a shit liar but gets away with it over the phone. he could be anyone.

I think you can be attracted to someone's personality. But you can't love them until you get to know they properly. Which you won't until you are spending time together.

Original poster
PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 10:58

I know you're right rationally, I just love the feeling I have just now

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 04/06/2016 10:58

What's stopping you from meeting up?

Original poster
PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 11:02

We are planning to but I think I need to stop it before it gets to that stage for fairly serious reasons, I'm sure it's all to obvious and predictable and ridiculous

OP posts:
supermariossister · 04/06/2016 11:03

I think you can fall for the idea of them if that makes sense. I met my ex partner online and eventually we met up, we were together for over two years but the distance eventually killed things off. He was as he claimed to be but it could easily have gone the other way after our first meeting.

EatShitDerek · 04/06/2016 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 11:08

Lust definitely has a lot to do with it

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 04/06/2016 11:09

As soon as you see him you may be hugely disappointed.

bluecashmere · 04/06/2016 11:11

You're just experiencing all that excitement that comes at the start of a relationship, which can be intoxicating. Is the issue that's getting in the way an existing relationship? Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick, but if that is the case then definitely think carefully and enjoy those feelings but don't do something you'll regret.

Surferjet · 04/06/2016 11:14

Why do you need to stop?
are you married?

Original poster
PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 11:16

Yes it is blue, for both of us, intoxicated describes exactly what I'm feeling
I'm a terrible person, I know that I am

OP posts:
ImogenTubbs · 04/06/2016 11:23

I thought I had fallen for someone I had met online once. We had even done video chatting so I thought I was serious about him. The second we met I knew it would never happen. He was cometely different in the flesh. It wasn't real. It's just a fantasy. From your later posts, perhaps best keep it that way.

user1465035246 · 04/06/2016 11:24

I met my husband online, he lived in England and I in Scotland. We spoke online for 2-3 weeks before meeting in person.

I think it's easy to get carried away with the feeling of falling for someone because they excite you, you enjoy your interactions with them. But you need to meet him in person to see if it's real, the sooner the better too.

Ps sorry for weird username, I just joined to put my twopence worth on this thread lol

AndYourBirdCanSing · 04/06/2016 11:25

Is he married?

Birdsgottafly · 04/06/2016 11:29

What's stopping you meeting?

You can 'fall' for someone, or rather the idea of what it could become.

You've just got to make sure that it's the real person that you're seeing and not the fairy tale, that you've built up, when you do get together.

ChitChatarunga · 04/06/2016 11:32

No. You can't.

I have met a total of about 10 or 11 people on line and one of them, possibly the one I had the BEST on line rapport with, I felt nothing for him when I met him.

Luckily I am not inclined to engage in sexting or double entendres etc when communicating on line but I was so glad when I met him. It wasn't that he didn't look like his photo, he did. He was tall and handsome actually but he had this whispery little voice. Argh.

No. You cannot fall for somebody you have not met.

Skittlesss · 04/06/2016 11:32

I think you need to look at your current relationship and see why you feel the need to look for other men online before you actually meet up with someone. Things may get complicated and that's not good! Good luck x

NeverbuytheDailyMail · 04/06/2016 11:33

You can't be in love with someone you have never smelled.

ChitChatarunga · 04/06/2016 11:35

If you haven't met, it's not lust. I'd say it's a need to connect.

APotterWithAHappyAtmosphere · 04/06/2016 11:36

A few years ago I was in this position. I look back and I can't believe I thought I felt that way. It was just an illusion. It's so easy to add your own desires, interpretations, fantasies to the lines you read.

I stepped away and it was amazing how quickly it passed. So glad we never met up or took it further.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 04/06/2016 11:39

I think you need to meet people quickly when doing online dating. When I first started I would talk to people for ages online before meeting and every time without fail they were totally different than I expected (and totally unfanciable). The problem is that because you have spent a long time getting to "know" them you then feel like you owe them a chance even if you know it'll never be.

With my dp we only exchanged a few messages then went for a drink a few days later. Turned out well but if it hadn't at least I hadn't wasted time and emotions on someone who was totally unsuitable.

ChitChatarunga · 04/06/2016 11:42

I have disabled my profile for the time being because no man will meet up! The men are as bad as the women are alleged to be. Often you'll read on a man's profile that they're not looking for a pen pal. I think men enjoy writing to me, but don't want to meet up with me Confused

AllegraWho · 04/06/2016 11:48

Yes, you can. It happened to me, 13 years ago.Still together, still in love.

Original poster
PearlNicholas · 04/06/2016 11:49

We are both married

OP posts:
mizuzu · 04/06/2016 11:50

This could end badly, you haven't met him. Be careful.