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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel distinctly cooler towards this mum

90 replies

Twix2move · 21/05/2016 07:10

I know I am being unreasonable- but can't change how I feel...

My DD is in a reception class with around 13 girls and the rest boys. She mainly plays with the boys although has a good relationship with the girls and plays with them sometimes.

Girls A & B are having a joint birthday party and have invited all the girls - except my DD (and poss 1 other). Some of the boys have been invited too - but not the whole class.

I am friendly with mum A and just know mum B in passing. My DD plays in the park quite often with girl A - and all the other boys and girls who go to the park are invited.

I don't think either mum did deliberately - but just thoughtlessly and I guess I would have expected better. My DD doesn't know about the party yet but will be upset when she finds out.

So... AIBU to feel rather cooler towards mum A than I did in the past, or do I really need to grow up and not let childrens' friendship spoil adults.

Ps - I do know the "right" answer - but a little bit of me says this tells me something about the character of mum A which I had previously suspected.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 21/05/2016 07:15

she invited ALL the other girls but not your dd? That is cuntish. Id not give her the time of day again.

curren · 21/05/2016 07:17

So 2 girls weren't invited?

Sounds to me like she has let her child just pick who are her friends at school.

Personally I don't think anyone should have to invited anyone else to a party. Especially just based on gender.

SanityClause · 21/05/2016 07:18

I don't think you need to be terribly friendly with her, anymore.

Okay, she can invite whoever she wants to her DD's party, but her actions have consequences.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/05/2016 07:20

If she mainly plays with the boys she's probably out of the orbit of the mums radar. Expecially if party girls are limited to who they can invite. And if another girl isn't invited that isn't singling your dd out, exactly

If she picks up on it you'll just have the conversation that not everyone gets invited to parties unfortunately. Although a hard lesson to swallow at 5 I agree.

mrsfuzzy · 21/05/2016 07:21

is it the child's choice?

AddToBasket · 21/05/2016 07:24

YANBU to feel cooler towards someone who upsets your DD. Difficult to believe that any mums of 13yo girls aren't alive to the complex and sensitive feelings around being left out like that.

leelu66 · 21/05/2016 07:25

i think it's mean and wouldn't do it. In your situation I would be cooler towards her too.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/05/2016 07:27

They're not aged 13?!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/05/2016 07:29

Btw I don't know if you have older children OP but you may have years ahead of helping her to deal with rejection. Quite good to get some techniques of dealing with it early on.

BikeRunSki · 21/05/2016 07:29

AddToBasket the girls are Reception age.

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 07:30

I agree with throughthickandthin

I don't blame you for feeling a it upset, but sometimes is us who feel it more than our DCs

sooperdooper · 21/05/2016 07:30

It's not just your Dd who isn't invited, it sounds like the child has picked a certain number of guests for her party, I think the boy/girl ratio is irrelevant as shes not invited another girl too, and you say yourself your dd plays mostly with the boys

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 07:33

Myinlaws

Some of the boys are invited

It's not a long thread to read.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 07:36

Myinlaws

Sorry. I was rude Blush

CodyKing · 21/05/2016 07:37

So your DD sometimes choses to play with girl A and girl A is good enough to play with in the park - so she picks to play with A when there isn't a better option -

Yet DD should go to the party?

It's just a party - they get invited or they don't - there will be lots of this in the future - deep breath wish her a happy birthday and move on

Blu · 21/05/2016 07:37

So next year when all the friendships change again will you be all over Mum A?

If you get on well with Mum A stay friends, if you had some doubts irrespective of the party situation then maintain a little distance.

There are years ahead of party invitations received and not received, and children's friendships no longer correlate to parental friendships.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrPony · 21/05/2016 07:40

Yanbu, I think I'd feel the same. If she was only inviting a few kids it would be ok but it's not on to invite every girl bar one.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 21/05/2016 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

var123 · 21/05/2016 07:41

Like it or not, classes do divide along gender lines in primary school. The children do it themselves, not the adults.

Leaving just one girl out is not ok. Leaving two is a little more ambiguous.

However, are you 100% sure that there sin't an invitation in your Dd's tray at school or at the bottom of her book bag?

AddToBasket · 21/05/2016 07:41

Sorry, misread the 13 girls as 13yo girls.