Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be considering meeting him?

79 replies

iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 13:28

I broke up with an ex almost 3 years ago. It was a bad relationship, he cheated constantly/didn't treat me well during the 2.5 years we were together. I've been no contact with him since about a month after i ended it.

At the beginning of the break up, he would call/message/email constantly, all of which i ignored and then it eventually tapered off to the occasional email asking how i was etc, which i also ignored.

He hasn't contacted me at all for the past year, until this morning, when i received an email saying that he misses me, that he needs to see me to get some things off his chest, that he needs to apologise for the things he did to me and that he will be waiting for me next sunday at 4pm in a place we used to go years ago.

It took me a long time to get over this guy, despite how he treated me, but i am 100% over him now. I haven't even thought about him in months.

AIBU to kind of want to see what he has to say?

OP posts:
HackerFucker22 · 20/05/2016 13:32

God no, don't go.

Do not let him know that he still has any power over you.

What could he possibly say that will make any difference? You have made your peace, he clearly hasn't but that is not your problem.

You have the final say in all this by making a choice not to go back there.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 20/05/2016 13:32

He can say it all in an email

Is he really worth you time ?

Dozer · 20/05/2016 13:34

No way.

It sounds like he's still all about him him him, and his "needs" and wants. Very rude to get back in touch with an ex and make demands like that.

You already have "closure": he was an arsehole and you broke up and very sensibly had no contact.

Dozer · 20/05/2016 13:36

Also agree with thePP that he is testing you. Have a toxic ex that does this occasionally, random email suggesting lunch, which I delete and ignore.

He was a shit boyfriend. You do not need someone like him as a friend. You don't owe him any time to listen to his regrets or whatever. So zero point in meeting him.

Hillfarmer · 20/05/2016 13:38

Toxic.

Nay, Nay and thrice Nay!

Best response is no response.

MrsPurchase · 20/05/2016 13:39

You could reply 'Sorry, who are you......?'

wombthereitis · 20/05/2016 13:39

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Don't go, OP. He can apologise and say what he needs to say in an email. And he'll be waiting for you in a place you used to go to years ago? What a manipulative tit. No, "I am extremely sorry, would you please consider meeting me even though I absolutely do not deserve your time" (in which case the answer should still be no) but "I miss you and I'll be airing for you". Urgh. Maybe you could pay someone he doesn't know to walk up to him at four and hoof the cheating git in the balls for you instead. 👍🏻

sonjadog · 20/05/2016 13:44

Still all about him, isn't it?

sooperdooper · 20/05/2016 13:49

No no no

Let him sit there on his own and wait, do not under any circumstances go, what a manipulative shit he still is!

Can't you set his emails to automatically delete?

icouldabeenacontender · 20/05/2016 13:50

He treated you badly.
Why would you be even slightly interested in what he has to say?
Don't give him any of your time.

Vixyboo · 20/05/2016 13:51

If you go to a place he has chosen, at a time chosen by him, on a day chosen by him you are saying 'you can control me even after all this time'

You are worth more!

Creampastry · 20/05/2016 13:51

Another vote for the DO NOT GO

FannyFifer · 20/05/2016 13:52

DON'T DO IT

crankyblob · 20/05/2016 13:54

No not at all.

You owe this guy nothing!

Wabe · 20/05/2016 13:56

This is all about him and his need to feel good about himself, also he's pulling on the lead to see if you still respond after all this time - it's all about power. Don't give him any. Even if you're curious about what exactly he might belatedly want to apologise for. People who genuinely feel remorse for their past actions don't require the people they are apologising to show up in person at a particular place and time and don't attempt to manipulate the wronged person's feelings by choosing an old haunt associated with their relationship.

If he's that remorseful, he can do it in writing, and deny himself whatever power trip he's expecting from knowing he can still get you to do what he says.

ImperialBlether · 20/05/2016 13:57

He hasn't even asked if it's convenient for you? So you're expected to change your plans and perhaps let someone else down just so that he can see you on his terms?

Heebiejeebie · 20/05/2016 13:58

Urgh! He's probably done one of those Landmark-type things where he gets to say sorry to everyone and move on. In a totally self-serving way - I've said sorry and I'm a better person now so you have to completely forgive me. And if you can't it's because of your own issues so now it's your fault and you must sign up to Landmark. And spread some shit sorries of your own around.

Original poster
iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 14:00

I know you're all right! He is a manipulative dick and definitely doesn't deserve my time.

Urgh...why do i feel like i still wanna go, even though I know he's a controlling dick??

What is wrong with me?!

Wombthereitis - LOVE that idea Grin

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 20/05/2016 14:01

You will need your head examining if you go. I cannot see any gain for you here. He treated you with so little regard he constantly cheated. That in itself is a reason not to go.

wombthereitis · 20/05/2016 14:02

This is all about him and his need to feel good about himself, also he's pulling on the lead to see if you still respond after all this time - it's all about power.

Exactly this

And what ImperialBlether said. He hasn't asked if you can make it because the entitled twat expects you to come running.

tigermoll · 20/05/2016 14:02

I totally understand the curiosity, and wanting to see him again. I'd be intrigued to find out what had suddenly prompted him to get in touch, and the thought of someone who has done a number on you actually apologising and begging for another chance is something we all fantasize about to get us through breakups.

HOWEVER: Do not go and meet him. I'd bet he's planning to look deep into your eyes, put on a bit of a woe-is-me act about how much he's grown as a person and is sorry for the hurt he caused (without actually going into detail in examining his motives or actions) and ask you to forgive him and bathe him once more in the sweet nectar of your attention.

I'd tell him to put whatever he wanted to say in an email. This will a) give you time to digest it and re-read it if need be, b) force him to clarify what he wants to say, rather than just a few waffles about "everything he's done in the past", and c) mean that he has to apologise without the "reward" of your attention.

WakeUpFast · 20/05/2016 14:03

No way! Just delete and ignore. You could play about a bit and leave a jolly "fuck off" note in this place he visits at 4pm. What a dick.

Darrelrivers · 20/05/2016 14:04

No don't go (unless there is a cafe you can sit in and watch him getting increasingly annoyed you haven't turned up)

wombthereitis · 20/05/2016 14:06

If it makes you feel any better, I think many women have an ex like this. I do, and I know in your shoes a part of me would want to hear what he had to say, in spite of it being a terrible idea and him being an arsehole. It's always easier to tell someone what a dick they are when it's not you in the situation though.

SlimCheesy · 20/05/2016 14:12

I have an ex like this too. But he limits himself to e-mails.

what everyone else says also.

Swipe left for the next trending thread