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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be considering meeting him?

79 replies

iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 13:28

I broke up with an ex almost 3 years ago. It was a bad relationship, he cheated constantly/didn't treat me well during the 2.5 years we were together. I've been no contact with him since about a month after i ended it.

At the beginning of the break up, he would call/message/email constantly, all of which i ignored and then it eventually tapered off to the occasional email asking how i was etc, which i also ignored.

He hasn't contacted me at all for the past year, until this morning, when i received an email saying that he misses me, that he needs to see me to get some things off his chest, that he needs to apologise for the things he did to me and that he will be waiting for me next sunday at 4pm in a place we used to go years ago.

It took me a long time to get over this guy, despite how he treated me, but i am 100% over him now. I haven't even thought about him in months.

AIBU to kind of want to see what he has to say?

OP posts:

SlimCheesy · 20/05/2016 16:49

Don't go, really. Like everyone has said, he is all about his needs etc etc. If it really was about you, he would e-mail, apologise profusely and let you get on with your life. He is like a puppeteer, pulling your strings.

Kidnapped · 20/05/2016 16:58

He's probably just been dumped by his latest girlfriend and no longer has a roof over his head.

And he has got in contact with all of his ex girlfriends to see if anyone is desparate enough to take him back. Probably just copied and pasted the generic email to a few of you - let's face it his text is all about him.

Easier for him than looking for someone new, I suppose.

oliviaclottedcream · 20/05/2016 17:01

Why are you even considering it? It's in the past.. Move on and definitely don't reply .

Babettescat · 20/05/2016 17:02

Gosh

You know what he wants.

YoureSoSlyButSoAmI · 20/05/2016 17:07

A tenner says he's been dumped.

He's treated someone else like he treated you, she's seen the light and ditched him, he's feeling sorry for himself and needs his ego boosted.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/05/2016 17:07

Nope. He's either looking for a booty call or wants to free himself from 'guilt' by dumping all the shit he did that you don't know about on you then ask for absolution. He wants to 'get things off his chest' by shoving them onto your back! Bullshit to that!

Your silence and absence will say more to him about your 'feelings' than 'showing up late looking fab' will ever do. He'll (rightly) interpret that as your still having lingering 'feelings' (even negative ones) for him. Simply the fact that he's asked expects you to show up proves that. To ignore the request and then not show will show him once and for all that you do NOT care about, nor feel responsible for, him or his 'conscience'. Indifference is truly the best revenge, not 'living well'.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 20/05/2016 17:08

what if you go and he doesn't show up though

Pseudo341 · 20/05/2016 17:14

I had one like this, utter twat when I was with him, massively stalked me when I finally got rid of him, and then tried to meet me every couple of years for at least a decade after.

I'd put money on it he's just been dumped and is looking for you to massage his wounded ego. He doesn't want to apologise, he's testing the water, he wants to know if you'll still come running.

FFS don't go. Don't reply either. Don't give him anything back at all. Get on with your life.

Original poster

iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 18:26

Thank you all for confirming what deep down I already knew. No good would come of me going to meet him.

I'm just going to do what I have been doing and ignore his email and just carry on with my life.

I moved on from all his bullshit and drama a long time ago and I definitely don't need to go back there again.

I don't know what I was thinking even considering going - i must have lost my mind for a moment!!

Thank you all again...and I PROMISE I won't be meeting him, next week or ever!

OP posts:

jillyarmeen16 · 20/05/2016 18:28

He's hoovering you.
This is not about you or what's good for you, it's about the selfish prick he still is, getting attention from and control over you. Don't give him what he wants.

Lelloteddy · 20/05/2016 18:30

I'm glad that you've seen sense OP. I can't believe you even considered meeting him.

Clare1971 · 20/05/2016 18:39

OP we want you on here at four o'clock next Sunday posting to us so we can be absolutely sure you haven't gone OK?? And we'll all chip in with and to reward your strength.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 20/05/2016 18:47

Fuck no. He sounds like a tool, he's probably after a shag. Don't do it to yourself, because if you get sucked in then he won't treat you any better than last time.

Original poster

iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 18:50

LOL Clare1971 I'll come back next Sunday to prove I didn't go

OP posts:

frenchbluepuffin · 20/05/2016 18:56

Please DO NOT MEET HIM!!

If there has to be any curiosity in this mental situation then let it all be on his side when you don't turn up and you don't ever reply to his emails. Don't you waste any more tine or emotion on him.

I am so with the other posters...he has been dumped and needs his ego stroking!!!

Don't go there!

Asprilla11 · 20/05/2016 18:58

I think you should agree to meet him.....

But send a male friend/relative in your place and with a voice recorder, when they get there they can say

"iLikeBoringThings will listen to what you've got to say, tell me when you ready and I'll press record"

Pseudo341 · 20/05/2016 18:59

Good for you! I do understand why you were tempted, but years of practice have taught me it's actually rather satisfying to never even reply, just let him keep wondering. Don't let him get back under your skin.

EllaHen · 20/05/2016 19:01

Glad you are not going to meet him.

Imagine if you did - you would not feel better but he would. Sounds like a lose-lose for you.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 20/05/2016 19:02

Can you organise to do something with a friend in a different town so you are occupied?

Original poster

iLikeBoringThings · 20/05/2016 19:08

I have just sent an invitation to some friends inviting them for a sunday dinner next week at 3.30pm! That will keep me occupied and distracted and will definitely be more fun than going to meet that twat!

OP posts:

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 20/05/2016 20:13

Good good

You are not alone in being tempted our ego's are fragile

Toddzoid · 20/05/2016 20:34

Nope definitely do not ever give him the time of day again. Proves to him that he has won and that you're still even remotely interested in him... Which you aren't because you're stronger and better than he is!

I was in an EA relationship, my ex has since attempted to contact me on every single avenue including 'super liking' me on tinder a few months back to get my attention . I've blocked him on EVERY avenue (even had to block his landline number when he resorted to using that as a last resort...) but he still tries to find little ways of getting in touch. It's his way of control. That's the way I see it... You will NOT get rid of me no matter how hard you try, I will always manage to worm my way back in. I have NOT let him because I won't let him destroy me again. You need to be strong and do the same.

frenchbluepuffin · 21/05/2016 05:39

have a lovely dinner with them.

Original poster

iLikeBoringThings · 29/05/2016 16:02

So here i am...as promised 4pm and i didn't go to meet him

I won't lie, it's been hard as he has sent a few more emails since i last posted. But i've ignored, not responded and most importantly, not given in and met him!

Now i'm gonna sit down to a yummy late lunch with my friends and reward myself with a few glasses of vino!

OP posts:

FannyFifer · 29/05/2016 16:29

Well done, totally the right decision.

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