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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

11 day old baby

89 replies

dublinboat · 18/05/2016 10:36

Love my DM but she has some strong views on how to care for DCs. Always knew this would cause friction.

DD is 11 days old. DM phoned at 9.30am, I told her we were still cuddling in bed, she was . Then she asked why I hadn't bathed DD already. And for about the millionth time this week asked what our "routine" is (answer: still no routine whatsoever!!)

Then she ended the conversation with "go on then, get up and dressed and take DD out for some fresh air".

I know I'm going to have to get used to this but feeling a bit down that she's clearly quite unimpressed. Please MNers, reassure me - I'm not a slovenly terrible mother am I??

OP posts:

StarlingMurmuration · 18/05/2016 10:38

God no, take all the rest you can while she's tiny. Can you tell DM to bugger off?

FranksBobot · 18/05/2016 10:38

Unplug the phone, lock the door and enjoy your baby. YANBU

Jenijena · 18/05/2016 10:39

She can F off. Written from still in bed with nearly seven week old baby...

Zenzie · 18/05/2016 10:39

Day 11? If you manage a shower this week you'll be doing fine. Stay home and cuddle, if that's what you fancy. She's bonkers.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 18/05/2016 10:40

Unplug the phone!
Tiny baby cuddles are the best.

Monsterclaws · 18/05/2016 10:41

So your mum isn't up to date with her understanding of baby development and you are too polite to say bugger off to her. You are doing a brilliant job and and she is failing you at a time when she could help you feel better about becoming a mother. She is human but it's a shame and hopefully she will improve!

SharingMichelle · 18/05/2016 10:41

I do not regret one second of the time I spent doing nothing but feeding, cuddling and falling in love with my babies.

situatedknowledge · 18/05/2016 10:41

No! Cuddle away. It is what they are for :-) We eventually got into some sort of routine but baths were always part of the bed time routine, not morning. DC are teens now, but still shower before bed, just as they did when they were little.

Fresh air will still be there when you get up in your own time.

Onlyicanclean10 · 18/05/2016 10:41

How old is your mother?

I am a 49 year old grandmother and no one of my age having babies 80s/90s had this approach.

Anyway don't engage and don't discuss with her. Your baby your rules.

Fillybuster · 18/05/2016 10:41

Yanbu.

Enjoy every minute of the snuggles and cuddles. They go a long way towards making up for all the disturbed nights and other less fun bits.

Suggest you try "Thanks mum, I'll bear that in mind". - and then do whatever you want.

And if/when you are ready for a routine, and it gets criticised, stick with "thanks mum, I'll bear that in mind" or some other variation. She'll get there eventually

And congrats on your new baby!

GColdtimer · 18/05/2016 10:42

Just ignore and cuddle your baby. I am currently on the slowest train ever to London. I am envious of your baby snuggles. Congratulation and practice filtering out your MIL suggestions. Mine was lovely but I ended up weaning dd early because she kept on that it would help her sleep. It didn't. Hope you have to go with cuddles.

QforCucumber · 18/05/2016 10:43

Oh dear I must be doing it all wrong - 8 week old ds has never had a morning bath and I find it an achievement If I'm showered and dressed before lunchtime.
In the nicest possible way ignore your dm and enjoy the cuddles - I wish I could have a teeny one again, at 8 weeks he a ready seems too big

GColdtimer · 18/05/2016 10:43

Sorry. DM, not MIL

outputgap · 18/05/2016 10:44

Ha. I have a 6week old. He has had one bath (but I have sponge washed him every day, sloven police), we are both back in bed at this very minute, and his routine is this: eat, posset, poo, wee, eat, wee, posset, poo, sleep, etc etc.

You are doing a great job. It's lovely when your mum tells you so too, but maybe she'll see it shortly, when she's calmed down a bit. I think it can be very overwhelming for grandparents too, suddenly awash with all this love, and they end up spouting all this out of date shite because they're trying to make sure you look after the baby right. Crazy, but babies drive you slightly crazy. Smile and nod, as they used to say around these parts.

MrsSpecter · 18/05/2016 10:44

Ugh! This is how my mum was. Very frustrating. Agree with others, ignore her calls. Do exactly as you please. Baby doesnt know what a routine is.

TwllBach · 18/05/2016 10:44

I have a nine day old baby and have felt pushed into getting up and being active/practical etc. I've had showers every day, done lots of tidying, cooked lunches and dinners and gone on 'days out' with the baby and bed testing and all sorts.

I wish I was doing what you are doing ignore everyone who says otherwise and cuddle your baby!!

mygorgeousmilo · 18/05/2016 10:47

YANBU turn your phone off, climb back in bed with your lovely baby and just....be. I spent the first few months of my children's lives doing not very much at all, and it was glorious! You get to know your baby so much better when you're not dashing about trying to be super mum. You'll never regret spending too much time cuddling! My kids are all now very well rounded, sociable, go to bed very easily, and doing really bloody well at school - I haven't messed them up with too much infant coziness. Order food shopping online, invite friends to you for coffee if you want to see them, sit in the garden if it's warm, or go for a walk. A baby doesn't need to join the rat race or be 'sociable' at 11 weeks old. Do what you like :-)

Original poster

dublinboat · 18/05/2016 10:47

Thanks everyone you've made me feel better. It's hard because she's just so fixed in her views of what's the right thing to do, it really undermines my confidence.

only she's mid sixties and had her kids in the 80s. She's always been quite 'traditional'.

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 18/05/2016 10:47

You mum probably misremembers what she was doing when you were that age. From a distance, I think there's a tendency to telescope. She's probably imagining how things were when you were a toddler.

Either that or she's stark raving bonkers.

Flumpnugget · 18/05/2016 10:49

Boundary issue from your DM.

2 options; bare-face lies flippantly to keep the peace until you feel able to address it. "Yeah, course, up, ready, out and about- gotta go as sooooo busy organising my organic brunch and playing Mozart to the baby"

Or- clearly state- sorry mum but I'm switching off the phone- don't want to disturb these initial few weeks whilst bonding with baby. I'll call you if I get a chance or drop you a text when I can.

Really, these days whizz by and the longer you can can relax, learn about your baby whilst you are safe, warm and comfortable- the better. There is the rest of their life to "get them bathed and outdoors!". Indulge and enjoy!

Stillunexpected · 18/05/2016 10:53

Flumpnugget made a good post. I would do a combination of both, being either unavailable or just sooooooo busy with groups, music, coffee mornings, baby massage etc etc that you just don't have time to chat! In reality, I would be in bed enjoying those cuddles! Also, don't know where you are but it is pouring rain and cold here - I'd love to be able to go back to bed!

PunkAssMoFo · 18/05/2016 10:53

Dc2 is 5 months & refuses a routine no matter what. We were up all last night, so after dropping dc1 (who had a perfect routine early on) off at school, we came back to bed for a cuddle.

At day 11 I'd say it's all about the cuddles. It goes so quickly, Make the most of the lovely squishy baby moments.

Arkhamasylum · 18/05/2016 10:57

Oh god. My mother disapproved of everything I did with my baby. I now just reject her 'advice' about anything the second the words are out of her mouth.

I would unplug the phone, OP.

GoldPlatedBacon · 18/05/2016 10:58

I didn't get out of bed until 10 for the first 8 weeks. Dd would wake up at 6 am for a feed then go back to sleep until 10 am so I did the same!

She's only had a bath in the morning one in 10 months and that was only because she vomited absolutely every where one morning.

In your situation I wouldn't answer the call. If you're giving dd a bath in the morning then how are you going to be able to answer?

NoCapes · 18/05/2016 10:59

Well my baby is 6 months now (how the hell did that happen?!) and after the school run I got back in my pjs and we're currently snuggling on the sofa with milk and tea watching Phil & Holly
You can't cuddle a baby too much, you just can't
Enjoy that teeny tiny baby OP

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