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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

11 day old baby

89 replies

dublinboat · 18/05/2016 10:36

Love my DM but she has some strong views on how to care for DCs. Always knew this would cause friction.

DD is 11 days old. DM phoned at 9.30am, I told her we were still cuddling in bed, she was . Then she asked why I hadn't bathed DD already. And for about the millionth time this week asked what our "routine" is (answer: still no routine whatsoever!!)

Then she ended the conversation with "go on then, get up and dressed and take DD out for some fresh air".

I know I'm going to have to get used to this but feeling a bit down that she's clearly quite unimpressed. Please MNers, reassure me - I'm not a slovenly terrible mother am I??

OP posts:

princesspineapple · 18/05/2016 12:57

Your mum is bonkers. DD is only 8 weeks old but I already miss tiny baby cuddles! She's currently napping on my chest, I'm still in sicky pyjamas and I don't care at all! They're only tiny once, if I had my time again I'd never leave the bed!

glueandstick · 18/05/2016 13:04

I'm still not up properly and 10 weeks in. Fuck em. You and your baby come first.

mummytohpm · 18/05/2016 13:08

My ds is 3 weeks and we don't have any kind of routine bar a bath before bed every other day!

I am dressed today and so is he but it was after 9:30am!!

For the first two weeks while dh was off we got up got dressed and went out most days just because I wanted to make the most of time with all three of us , but now it's just me and the baby and dh is at work, I'm enjoying just snuggling on the sofa watching this morning!!

You've got plenty of time to get into routines etc just enjoy the snuggles while you can and ignore your mum!

diddl · 18/05/2016 13:12

11days & she's talking about routine??

I mean it's not that long ago that it was 10 days in hospital is it?

I suppose there was some routine, but surely it was mostly about women resting?

I mostly would go for a walk after lunch as I preferred to get bits done in the morning.

My PFB went through a stage of 2hrly feeds at night-a feed taking most of an hour!

Routinely though he would wake at 7am for a feed, so husband would get up get ready for work & then leave before the feed was finished.

And we'd sleep until 11.

And my goodness I needed those few solid hours.

diddl · 18/05/2016 13:16

Oh & to answer your question of course you're not a terrible mother.

If your baby could choose, she'd choose the cuddles!

I don't think that I ever really got into a routine with PFB.

When I had PSB & needed to be somewhere with PFB, then needs must.

But I'm pretty sure it was still more of a case of up & organised on the days necessary!

Mrscog · 18/05/2016 13:18

I'd just say, yes we have a routine, it involves staying in bed and cuddling until 12pm each day. Then I'll get up, eat some cake and then at 1pm back to the cuddle and feed routine.

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2016 13:21

She's my age and surely when she had you, she was in hospital for the first week and then getting used to having a baby for the first few months weeks?

Unless there are other children who need to be somewhere by a particular time, just do what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it.

gallicgirl · 18/05/2016 13:25

I'm 41 and don't have a routine.

Vanillaradio · 18/05/2016 13:30

A routine at 11 days! At that stage ds was only sleeping for an hour at a time so if I had a shower and got dressed we were doing well! I don't think we had a routine till about 8 or 9 months and that was a rough one. And he certainly hadn't had a bath by 11 days! I sympathise op, my dm can be a bit like this (eg asking me a week post c section when I was going to do some housework!) Smile, nod then ignore and do your own thing, you're doing fine!

ceebie · 18/05/2016 13:39

gallicgirl

ceebie · 18/05/2016 13:40

Send your DM a

Mummabear88 · 18/05/2016 13:46

YANBU! From someone expecting their second who will be forced to get out of bed and get out for fresh air with toddler in tow...... Enjoy those cosy newborn days, you will have lots of time for baths and fresh air when they start waking you at 6am!

glueandstick · 18/05/2016 13:51

I just bathed mine. Hasnt been in the bath yet this week and felt a bit guilty that wet wipe baths might not cut it much longer.

Still not dressed though. It's been a long week so far and today is just going to pass in a mass of naps and cuddles.

Vinorosso74 · 18/05/2016 13:59

YANBU. I got sick of being told routine is important for babies when my DD was tiny. My mum seemed to think so as did some relatives of her generation. My aunt thought it was important so I could fit in cleaning the house.. .. Also, as I was BF they didn't understand why she needed feeding so often.
At 11 days you're still recovering from the birth and getting BF established. Baby is learning how to feed.
I found in time I knew roughly when she would want to feed so we got into a natural routine around that but I never forced it, of course growth spurts could throw that a bit.
It's up to you if you want to get into a fixed routine or go with the flow. Tell your mum what you're doing works well for you and your baby.

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