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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hope for more from grandparents

84 replies

TonightIamgointobe · 06/05/2016 21:51

If your parents live 4+ hours away and have other grandchildren, how much would you hope to see them?
I have the feeling mine aren't that interested in my kids.
We have always got on fine.
Thanks

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 06/05/2016 21:53

I would not have wrote this 10 years ago but I've got a feeling I'm going to be the worse granny in the world. I cannot imagine having any interest at all in driving four hours to see a kid that's not mine. I'll take mine out shopping/lunch etc to give her a break from kid but having raised your own ...

Oysterbabe · 06/05/2016 21:54

Mine live 4 hours away. We see them 3 or 4 times a year.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 06/05/2016 21:55

so you expect them to travel to you?

3boys3dogshelp · 06/05/2016 21:57

We probably see gps who are that far away 3/4 times a year.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 21:57

This depends on sooooo many things. Age, fitness, commitments, ability to travel, space to stay etc

I think being so vague it's hard to comment on what to expect in your situation.

My parents are 3 hrs away and mum comes to stay every couple of months (more if I'm struggling) and dad for big occasions. We go there a couple of times a year. Both are retired, able bodied and have cars. We do FaceTime most days though.

edwinbear · 06/05/2016 21:57

My in laws live 5 hrs away, we see them 3-4 times a year.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 21:58

Oh and no other DC yet but my only sibling's mil is very "involved" so they expect when that happens they won't get to see that DC very often

Muskateersmummy · 06/05/2016 21:58

I don't expect anything from any of dd's grandparents but it's not surprising to me that the one we see least (once every few months) is the one who lives over 3 hours away. When people are that far away it seems a tad unfair to expect much. We often meet half way, and we go down to visit during the holidays. I wouldn't expect them to make special journeys up to see us

PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/05/2016 21:59

How often do you make the effort to see them? We need more information.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 22:00

Yeah, none of this is expected, just how it pans out and they want to see DD as much as possible (very doted on)

wizzywig · 06/05/2016 22:01

Were you hoping we would all say they visit every month despite being 4hrs drive away?

Pisssssedofff · 06/05/2016 22:03

Listen my mother lived 5 minutes Roy do the corner and visited twice a year, they can either be arsed or they can't it's that simple

donkir · 06/05/2016 22:05

Both sets of gp's are an 1hr and a half away. My parents FaceTime everyday and try to see them at least once a month my dp's parents though don't bother and have seen their gs 4 times in his 15 months of life the last being 31 Jan. They don't text or call either to see how he is.

LikeAbatOutOfHell · 06/05/2016 22:07

My grandchildren live 2 hours away, I get upset if I don't see them every month. I expect to travel to see them as they have dance classes ect at weekend so easier for us to travel

HeffalumpHistory · 06/05/2016 22:10

Parents are 6hours away. Mum comes here maybe 3x per year & we go to mum & dads prob twice a year. Skype maybe 5x per week with kids & call after kids are in bed for a proper chat at least once a week.
I consider us close despite the distance.
I have nieces & nephews that live streets away from parents & my children are adored as equally as the other grandchildren

APotterWithAHappyAtmosphere · 06/05/2016 22:11

DS's GPs live about 4 hrs travelling time away and we probably see them 6-8 times a year. We go and stay for a few weekends and they visit 3-4 times and stay with us, often helping with childcare. They ring a couple of times and month and stay in touch via email and cards. DS is very close to them in spite of the distance.

BrandNewAndImproved · 06/05/2016 22:11

My dm moved 2.5 hours away when I told her I was pregnant. We didn't have the best relationship anyway. When I got pregnant again she moved back and although we used to have a rocky relationship we're now really good friends. She babysits 9 x out of 10 whenever I ask. She also takes days off of work to have my dc if they have an inset day as I can't take days off from work as I work term time only.

I used to have friends who dumped their dc every weekend Friday till Sunday on their parents and I did feel envious as whilst my dm might have had my kids for a weekend it would be for a reason like a night out or a mini break. Now though I hardly ever ask her to have them as I love my weekends with just the three of us and feel very detached from my almost ex friends who are still raving and getting faded every weekend.

LogicalThinking · 06/05/2016 22:15

4 hours away, 1-2 times per year.
But there are lots of relevant factors.

NewLife4Me · 06/05/2016 22:16

We used to see ils twice a year if we were lucky, they had a child and both worked.
My parents visited once a year, and dh dad and dw visited us twice in 12 years .

They all had kids and/or were working, so we didn't really expect them to visit.
We used to travel twice a year and visit them all.

Mandatorymongoose · 06/05/2016 22:19

Pil live about 2 / 2.5 hrs away. They come here once a year, twice at most.

They visit (childless) sil who lives slightly further away more often.

I don't care, their loss really!

Originalfoogirl · 06/05/2016 22:26

My parents live 3-4 hours away, we see them about once a month, we go there or they come here. Same with my sister. My BILs live thirty minutes away, we barely see them.

It's more about who thinks it's worth making the journey.

BestZebbie · 06/05/2016 22:26

Maybe every 6 weeks - them travelling about 2/3 of the time, not always both of them on every visit. So - 8 times a year, including christmas/other family occasions?

PeppermintPasty · 06/05/2016 22:31

My mum lives in London, I live in Cornwall. We go to her about three times a year, she never comes to us. She also looks after my DC in the summer hols in London for 2-3 weeks so I can work.

My ex's parents live three miles away from me and they only visit on birthdays and at Christmas to drop off presents because they are emotionally deficient and utterly twattish, like the ex (who never sees his children at all despite living in the same village).

rednsparkley · 06/05/2016 22:40

My parents live 7hrs away and see the children every half term and longer in the summer break. We go to them as they have the room to host us and infrequently they have been to us.

the PIL live 150metres from us and see the children on birthdays and christmas as they are crap.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/05/2016 22:58

This isn't about providing child care during school breaks, is it?Grin

When my parents (retired, fit, financially comfortable) lived 10 hours from us we spoke on the phone at least twice per week, but saw them only every 4 months or so. They loved to travel so many of their visits coincided with their 'road trips' as we lived near a main highway. So for some of the visits they weren't specifically coming to see us, we were just conveniently 'on their way'. When they lived 3 hours from us we saw them monthly. During the school year they came to us, during summer we visited them and our two sons spent a week with them (separately). They later moved to be closer to us as my father was ill and Mum needed help.

I had their only grandchildren so I can't compare with others. But if you are comparing with other GC, I'd say it's reasonable (and acceptable) that they would see GC that live locally more than GC they must travel 4+ hours to.