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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed about wedding

99 replies

ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:09

Family member has booked a wedding abroad (in Europe but still) next November. Wedding will take place on a Wednesday and they are having celebrations on Tuesday and Thursday too - essentially they are expecting people to take at least 3 full days off work (Tuesday-Thursday)?! Is this not incredibly entitled????

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 01/05/2016 14:11

Yeah I guess but people don't have to go.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/05/2016 14:12

Nope not at all, they can very married where they like - once they accept graciously that not everyone will be able or want to attend

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:13

True, I don't understand the thinking behind it though. Like what makes them think people want to take 3-5 days holiday off work for a holiday not of their choosing? who do they think they are

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/05/2016 14:13

Yabu.

19lottie82 · 01/05/2016 14:13

"Essentially they are expecting" people to take at least 3 days off work?

Are they though? It's an invitation, not a summons.

Calling them "entitled" is a bit bitchy. You don't HAVE to go.

NicknameUsed · 01/05/2016 14:14

Yes it is. I suspect that they won't have many guests. If it is inconvenient/expensive for you, just say thanks but no thanks and send them a nice gift.

I really, really don't get this obligation to attend difficult to get to weddings. I have said this on other wedding threads, but I will repeat it here - IMO having my nearest and dearest at my marriage ceremony trumps having a "dream" wedding destination.

Notice I said marriage ceremony and not wedding?

Is it in Maui Grin?

Shamalamalam · 01/05/2016 14:15

Entitled? Not really.

It's their wedding, they can get married how/when they like

Unless they make a huge fuss if people don't attention every single second of it.

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:15

Yes I have to go. I am one of the bridesmaids.

OP posts:
blondieblondie · 01/05/2016 14:16

Id say it's their wedding day, hopefully their only wedding day, and therefore one day that they should do whatever they want, invite who they want, and the rest is up to those invited.

CalleighDoodle · 01/05/2016 14:16

Surely youd have to take mon to travel there and fri to travel back too?

Just reply that you cannot take that amount of time off. It is a huge ask out of 5.6 weeks holiday.

People should understand if they have weddings midweek that not eveyone can atend. Midweek abroad is out of the question for many. Im sure the bride, if she isnt all consumed by the wedding, will fully expect and understand this.

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:17

Nickname, that's what I think! What's the point in having a dream venue if it will make life a lot more difficult for your nearest and dearest to get there? I just think it defeats the purpose of getting married...

Plus bride has now started making a mental list of people who she definitely expects to be at the wedding i.e. well I went to xyz's wedding last week at great personal expense to myself therefore I will be really shocked if they don't come to mine...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2016 14:17

No it's not incredibly entitled, unless they start spitting the dummy when people tell them they can't make it.

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:18

Blondie - yes but its not a wdding day, it's a wedding five days!!!!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 01/05/2016 14:18

Just decline politely, explain that when you agreed to be a bridesmaid you hadn't known that it was mid week and abroad.

I agree it is ridiculous to have a wedding overseas and expect everyone to drop everything and travel but just as ridiculous are the guests who are wringing their hands and saying 'they have to go'. JUST.SAY.NO.

My brother got married abroad, he invited me, I didn't even consider going the sort of location I have no interest in visiting. No hard feelings either way.

RaeSkywalker · 01/05/2016 14:19

You don't have to go just because you've been asked to be a bridesmaid. Did you know the details of the wedding when they asked you?

Onlyicanclean10 · 01/05/2016 14:20

If you can afford it and want to go then great.

If you can't tell them so.

She will just ask someone else to be bridesmaid or manage without you.

Don't see the problem. And no they aren't entitled.

PamelaPatriciaYouCanCallMePam · 01/05/2016 14:21

'It defeats the purpose of getting married.' I wonder what you think the purpose is? This sounds like a brilliant way to spend a week off-in the sun, surrounded by family and friends, celebrating their union. If you don't want to go though, or can't afford to go, just say so. Wish them well and see if they would like to go out for dinner when they come back.

As for entitled, well...they're 'entitled' to get married how and where they want to.

flossietoot · 01/05/2016 14:22

If you are a bridesmaid, presumably you are close to the bride or it is your sister in law to be, and therefore your brothers wedding, in which case stop being horrible. You get several weeks annual leave entitlement, surely you can manage to give them three days.

NicknameUsed · 01/05/2016 14:22

"It is a huge ask out of 5.6 weeks holiday."

Most people don't get that much holiday. It is 23 days where I work.

Did you know that the wedding was a 3 day affair abroad when you accepted being bridesmaid? If not just say you can't do it.

annandale · 01/05/2016 14:24

As long as you didn't specifically sign up for this scenario and who would then just let the bride know, preferably face to face, that you can't manage this. Disappointing but she is clearly caught up in a fantasy and/or actually wants the smallest possible wedding.

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:26

flossietoot, "stop being so horrible" - how am I being horrible?

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 01/05/2016 14:27

If there are celebrations on the Tuesday I imagine you will need to take the monday off too.
If it doesn't suit you to take that much holiday (and you would not be unreasonable to say that) then you will need to decline the invitation.
I don't think they are being entitled.

Original poster
ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:27

its not three days is it, its 5 days holiday entitlement out of 20, a quarter. Money for flights, food, hotel, wedding present, oh and also plus ones arent invited.

OP posts:
flossietoot · 01/05/2016 14:28

By being negative about presumably a close friends wedding!!! You have been asked to be bridesmaid for gods sake- sure you should be happy and looking forward to a few days in the sun with your best friend. If you were my friend behaving like this about my wedding I would be deeply hurt.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/05/2016 14:28

Well, you're bitching. That's horrible.