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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed about wedding

99 replies

ClimbAnyMountainForYou · 01/05/2016 14:09

Family member has booked a wedding abroad (in Europe but still) next November. Wedding will take place on a Wednesday and they are having celebrations on Tuesday and Thursday too - essentially they are expecting people to take at least 3 full days off work (Tuesday-Thursday)?! Is this not incredibly entitled????

OP posts:

MissBattleaxe · 01/05/2016 15:39

Sorry I meant to say that it annoys me when couples say getting married abroad is cheaper. What they are actually doing is just making it more expensive for their guests.

ChocolateStash · 01/05/2016 15:47

Yanbu. Even if you could afford it and get the time off, it seems very selfish that you can't even bring a +1 with you. I sympathise, it is very awkward to turn down the invitation, especially, when it is your sil getting married and you had previously agreed to be bridesmaid. I'm a little suspicious of the bride, if she didn't tell you the arrangements, before she asked you to be bridesmaid and is now playing the guilt card, by suggesting she has now started making a mental list of people who she definitely expects to be at the wedding i.e. well I went to xyz's wedding last week at great personal expense to myself therefore I will be really shocked if they don't come to mine...
The bride best prepare herself for a lot of emotional trauma, if she thinks all these friends will go to such financial and personal burden effort to attend her 5 day "wedding". Of course she is entitled to marry wherever she wants, but, it sounds as if she will behave like a total bridezilla when if people say they are unable to attend.
I would discreetly lay the ground work and let the bride know, you will try to get the time off, but, it is very unlikely your request will be granted, as it is within term time. Do give plenty of notice so she can find someone else to be bridesmaid.

Pinkheart5915 · 01/05/2016 15:50

I did get married in America only had our parents go with us. We had a good party once back for everybody else and I got to wear the dress again.

I wouldn't have expected friends/family to use holiday from work to attend my wedding. I'm sure your family don't expect you too either it's an invite at the end of the day not a summons

Husbanddoestheironing · 01/05/2016 15:59

YANBU to be irritated by the expectation, but you also don't have to go. My DS checked with those she really wanted there before booking a mid-week wedding, and then accepted that everyone else wouldn't necessarily be able to /want to go.

AntiHop · 01/05/2016 16:58

Don't go. I wouldn't. With 20 days annual leave it's asking too much.

DailyMailDick · 01/05/2016 17:00

Just don't go if you don't won't to. Tell them you can't get time off work. I can't see the issue.

Falling270 · 01/05/2016 17:24

OP I don't think YABU. I think people getting married should show consideration for guests and having a wedding abroad on a Wednesday is very annoying. As for everyone saying "it's an invitation not a summons" that just doesn't rally translate into real life when you have friendships and family relationships to consider. Sometimes you have to put yourself out in order to preserve relationships. It doesn't mean that what the B&G are asking is reasonable though.

Do any of the other guests or wedding party share your feelings?

Falling270 · 01/05/2016 17:27

Also I find it annoying when the bride and groom do the wedding on the cheap by having it midweek, transferring all the costs to guests in having to take time off work etc. I'm not a big fan of this trend for mid week weddings but I guess it's a side effect of many people now attempting to have weddings they can't really afford. IMO it goes hand in hand with asking for cash for the honeymoon and charging for every drink. If you can't afford it, do it differently.

curren · 01/05/2016 17:31

They may not want many guests but feel try have to invite certain people out of politeness. Most people would realise that a lot of people won't accept the invitation.

It's their wedding let them do it how they want and get on with it.

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2016 17:37

Either go and enjoy the holiday with family or politely decline.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/05/2016 17:40

Yanbu. I would not go in this case.

IcingandSlicing · 01/05/2016 19:27

Well, after all The recent weddings-related topics here, I'd speculate that they purposely chose three weekdays because they can't not invite some people, but probably want a smaller number than the invitations sent. :)
Otherwise I can't see any logical reason why invite people to a wedding on days on which they can't attend.

IcingandSlicing · 01/05/2016 19:31

Plus I don't get the craze to marr overseas if none of the parties had family in tne other country.
Why marry abroad?!
Marry home and go on a honeymoon or go celebrating with your mates after.

Charley50 · 01/05/2016 20:20

Sorry if I'm bring thick but if she is your SIL, does that mean she is your OH sister? Then why is your OH not invited? I'm sure I'm just being a div but please explain!

AyeAmarok · 01/05/2016 20:55

Just don't go. You won't be able to get the time off if you're a teacher and you clearly really dislike her so I'm sure she'd not be that arsed if you didn't go.

albertcampionscat · 01/05/2016 21:16

YANBU. I'm not sure this couple get that their wedding isn't all that important to anyone apart from them.

andadietcoke · 01/05/2016 21:32

My DH is a teacher. He didn't go to his SiL's wedding abroad as it was in term time. He'd been asked to be an usher. You can say no.

I don't know how many people my DSis invited but there were about 25 people there. A few of them had it as their main holiday. I spent the week miserable with 22 month old DTs on my own wishing I'd had the balls to say no.

DerelictMyBalls · 01/05/2016 21:52

As RaeSkywalker said upthread: make your choice and then be nice about it. Go and enjoy yourself, or decline politely, wish them well then move on.

ChocolateStash · 02/05/2016 01:11

Charley50 I think the bride (her SIL) is marrying one of op's siblings

LizardBreath · 02/05/2016 01:26

I love a wedding, love a holiday and love a wedding abroad so would definitely be there. However, you don't have to go. Decline! Let the other guests have more fun...

TendonQueen · 02/05/2016 01:40

YANBU. Don't know why everyone's so tolerant on this thread as usually abroad midweek weddings get short shrift. They've been very selfish towards prospective guests. Act now and say you'll have to pull out as you can't go away in term time, so you're declining early and then they've got time to find a replacement bridesmaid.

LizardBreath · 02/05/2016 01:50

But why are they being selfish? Just don't go?!

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2016 02:09

hen I was a student an African friend asked me to be a bridesmaid at his wedding back somewhere in Africa (Mozambique, I think). I could not afford it and did not go.

I still sort of regret it! (it was 25 years ago!)

If you are a good friend and can afford it, go and enjoy it. If you are neither a good friend no can afford it, just explain.

MangosteenSoda · 02/05/2016 02:10

I'm totally confused by this thread- a teacher at a very unusual private school who only gets 20 days off being bridesmaid for someone she hardly knows and doesn't appear to like who is apparently her SIL (so either OH's sister or brother's wife to be). Yet it's implied that her OH isn't invited and there's no mention of it being her brother's wedding.

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2016 02:14

PS if you are a teacher and can't get holiday or something you can't go.

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