aibu to think this vasectomy advice is a bit off?

[ifiseeonemoresock]

My dh had a letter today after asking for a vasectomy the letter included this paragraph

"DIVORCE - it is wise to consider the differing needs for fertility of husband and wife. The wife is she should remarry will rarely desire more children. The man will often remarry a younger woman and they may have a strong desire to have children."

Aibu to have been a bit surprised by how this sounds?!

Fully prepared to be told I am

Wtf? It really says that?

I think it would raise my eyebrows a tad. They may have a point though!

It says exactly that!

Wow. I don't know why they even need to mention the wife since she's presumably remarried someone else.

Yanbu.

It does sound off - but it's also (generally) true. Not for all maybe but for many.

I was surprised last year when my mum had a letter after a mastectomy which said something like 'We are pleased to confirm that you do not have breast cancer' - it was very blunt. I would have expected the letter to say something about cancer screening being negative iyswim.

Dh had the snip a few months ago.

It didn't say that but it did mention divorce. It should be considered a permanent procedure as reversals don't always work.

It said alone the same lines in the info when I looked at being sterilised.

Personally I think you should think about the what ifs. Both me and dh don't want anymore children ever. So it suited us.

The wording of that is off, and in people I know in RL it's often the women that go on to have kids with a new partner. So it not accurate either, for at least a lot of people.

Oh God. Mammogram. Not mastectomy. MAMMOGRAM

Men are more likely to have more kids if they divorce and remarry, though - because they can continue to reproduce for a lot longer than women can. A fair point, clumsily made.

It's is probably factually correct but not very PC! Is it an NHS letter?

We already have 6 children so even if dh were to remarry I'm not sure he would agree to more (we have also been tighter 16 years - met at school). I HOPE we are not headed for divorce although I admit you never know the future.

I am not sure if it is nhs - he was refered by the gp but the letter is from somewhere called Bridgewater family planning services?

Together not tighter

I think it's a really good thing for a married couple to discuss before a vasectomy. However, that doesn't mean that women should be responsible for takinf steps to ensure they don't have morw children by having sterilisation themselves!

Do you get to Bridgewater by way of a time tunnel to the 1950s?

Well, I know I dont want to put my body through another pregnancy. Dh also says he doesnt want more kids. If we split, irrespective of who I end up with, I know I wont put my body through another pregnancy. Dh may well end up with some one who wants kids.

So I get what they are trying to say. Sort of.

I think there is a logic here. Most men consider having a vasectomy after their family is complete, often late thirties/ early forties. If they then got divorced and decided to remarry most women would be at the end of the time where they are naturally fertile. Men continue to be fertile for many years to come so the possibility of wanting more children is there for longer. My friend met her husband when he was in his late 40s and she was in her early 40s. She desperately wanted to child and he was willing to have more children ( he had 3 children with his first wife and they split up many years before) but his vasectomy had been done too long ago for a reversal. Sexist language in the leaflet but unfortunately death and divorce have to be discussed before making such a step.

Could you post a snap shot?

Stick - I think I posted a picture above although this is my first day of using the app I already had to resign up as I couldn't work out how to get it to accept my usual username!

Men are more likely to have more kids if they divorce and remarry, though - because they can continue to reproduce for a lot longer than women can. A fair point, clumsily made.

And interestingly the only place where I ever have seen this mentioned.

(This is why I am strongly of the opinion that a mother has the right to keep her children with her, and move where she likes, in case of divorce, and if the father wants to see the children, then he should have to adapt. Because a woman cannot just walk away and have some more the way a man can. This difference is never taken into account - and it is not because of the children. Many children don't even want to see their father and the man still gets to force them to meet with him.)

But of course biological differences can only be mentioned when it benefits males. Not when the difference would require a different treatment of women and men in order to ensure fairness.

@Greasels: Well, "negative" is also used with the meaning "bad", so I suppose they want to make sure patients really understand that they don't have to worry?

in case of divorce, and if the father wants to see the children, then he should have to adapt. Because a woman cannot just walk away and have some more the way a man can. This difference is never taken into account - and it is not because of the children.

Wow. What a bloody stupid point. Men can go off and have more children so it doesn't really matter whether they are involved in the lives of the ones they already have?

Oh God. Mammogram. Not mastectomy. MAMMOGRAM

I did pause over your first post have to admit.

Just wow, though not that surprising tbh, DH got the what if something happened to your children talk when he went-he was quite perturbed that the GP honestly seemed to think you could just happily replace the person you had lost by reproducing another one...

DH and I are the only couple we know that had IVF due to primary infertility, the others had all been sterilised/vasectomied then decided they wanted more children years later.

Some were in new relationships but not all, sometimes people just change their minds.

When my DH went to the GP to discuss a referral for a vasectomy, the doctor mentioned the possibility of us splitting up and DH wanting more children. DH insisted that he was done having children with me or anyone else. The doctor nodded and said it was something he had to bring up during a vasectomy referral, especially as my DH was younger than 30.

I don't think it is that bad. This is what I am having to tell with right now. My DP had a vasectomy when he was married after their 3 child, they split and he met me. I have a really strong desire that I want another child (I already have a DD with my ex). His ex wife has now went on to have another child with the DP (naturally) but if we want to have another child its going to cost a lot of money.

After I had DC2 I was strongly advised that I shouldn't have any more pregnancies as it would be life-threatening. The consultant who advised on this and recommended sterilisation told me it was important that it was me that was sterilised and not DH as "his vasectomy wouldn't protect me against pregnancy if I divorced, was unfaithful or was raped!" All valid points and I did get sterilised but he was really blunt!