aibu to think this vasectomy advice is a bit off?

[ifiseeonemoresock]

My dh had a letter today after asking for a vasectomy the letter included this paragraph

"DIVORCE - it is wise to consider the differing needs for fertility of husband and wife. The wife is she should remarry will rarely desire more children. The man will often remarry a younger woman and they may have a strong desire to have children."

Aibu to have been a bit surprised by how this sounds?!

Fully prepared to be told I am

'Could you post a snap shot?'

Why on Earth should she? If you don't believe her, that's your lookout.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??!!

Open - we are having it for similar reasons . My doctor seems convinced that I rarely have sex (despite having a 6 month old who is he youngest of 6 children) . I have depression and he seems to ask me how my sex drive is every time I go. I'm the end I had to ask him to stop asking as it is totally irrelevant since my depression has never affected this!

I think it's badly worded but it's right. If you as a couple are looking at vasectomy then it's hopefully because you, the woman, is done with birthing kids. If your bloke takes up with another woman then there is a reasonable chance she will be younger than you and want (more) kids. Whereas you, more often than not left as resident parent are less likely to discover a desire to get pregnant.

Expat I already posted a snapshot or tried to! Did it not work? I assumed someone would come along not believing me (years of Mumsnet experience )l

I'll try again

Just wow, though not that surprising tbh, DH got the what if something happened to your children talk when he went-he was quite perturbed that the GP honestly seemed to think you could just happily replace the person you had lost by reproducing another one...

I know 3 people well who have lost children. All went on to have another child. (Although at least one would probably have had another one if their first child had lived.)

It actually is one thing that stops us from looking at sterilisation. I just don't know what I would want to do if we lost the kids. But I might want another child. I can't think about it.

My dh actually cried after I found out I was pregnant with dc6 (I had a mirena) so I think he's pretty much done totally! No matter how many beautiful young wives he may desire

Should add he is a great dad and totally In love with dc6 now !

That sounds just like the advice DH was given before he had his vasectomy. The Dr tried very hard to put him off, saying he might change his mind in later years or want to start a family with someone else.

Essentially they just want to make sure that you've considered all the possible implications and scenarios before you go ahead,as it is permanent/irreversible.

DH had one after 3 kids. One of our children later died. He has no regrets about the decision even now.

'I assumed someone would come along not believing me (years of Mumsnet experience grin)l'

Yeah, but that's their problem. It's trollhunting, too. If they don't believe the OP they can use the report function and hide the fucking thread rather than start demanding the person verify it.

My dh asked for one and we've been referred to counselling, we go on Tuesday. I assume so they can ask the reasons and go through all this

Hahaha that's where my ex had his snip. That's fucking laughable and as such is suggesting that it should be the wife getting sterilised not the bloke!?pmsl

My ex dp was the one who desperately wanted the snip, I didn't want to have any part of it as I didn't agree with it, but he went ahead at bfp and had it done(after mil spent time trying to convince me to have it done no thank you as I was not prepared to say I wouldn't want more if we split)

As it was we did split not long after he had the snip, he then married a woman who wanted more kids and had to pay several thousand for a reversal!! I've also gone on to have another. He is now looking at being re snipped- will he have to pay or will the nhs do it again despite the fact he had it reversed first time?

I know a couple who are having to pay for ivf because he had a vasectomy when he was with his ex so it does happen.

It's just a somewhat clunky warning that the feeling of having finished your family is peculiar to your current relationship; and it would very likely be a different story in a new one.
Badly worded though.

We had a similar chat with the doctor when DH requested one. They were suggesting I should be sterilised if I didn't want anymore dc... they were shocked to hear it was him that didn't want anymore and I would happily have a footie team if he was willing!
They also made us wait until after DC4 was born (was pregnant when requested) in case we lost her...

My husband had his done at the family planning and he got the same sort of "advice". He'd have quite happily dine it himself with a bread knife so it didn't matter what scenarios that were suggested. He may very well desire a string of nubile young wives but he'd rather be run over by a tractor than have any more children. I'd rather he was run over by a tractor than we have any more children!! His choice, his nuts, suits us both.

VestalVirgin

You say

This is why I am strongly of the opinion that a mother has the right to keep her children with her, and move where she likes, in case of divorce, and if the father wants to see the children, then he should have to adapt.

They are not her children, they are their children. And which should bring them up must always - if there is a dispute - be decided on the merits of the individuals concerned. It will more often be the mother, but sometimes the father. The one factor which is irrelevant is the suggestion that "well, he can go and make some more until later in life than she can".

Would you say that he should have the first claim if she is young enough to have more and he is now infertile because of chemo?

They have got a point, it's just badly worded.

Compared to the risks involved in all forms of contraception women have pushed on them for a 30 year period, not to mention childbirth, vasectomy is simple and low risk.

I think something simple like sixinabed suggested is enough. YANBU.

There's an unwritten assumption there that the woman will be RP, and therefore not want more. And that men always leave for a younger model. Yuk.

I think more men should consider vasectomy if they don't want more children. Especially if they don't financially and emotionally support the ones they have.

vasectomy is simple and low risk.

A 1 in 10 chance of it going wrong is not low risk.

Compared with childbirth, TOP, or the contraception pushed on women?

Men have 2 options for contraception. I think we need to stop protecting the men from any sort of risk, while happily expecting women to shoulder the burden.

How many women put up with breast pain on the pill, for example?

We've been discussing contraception with various doctors lately, and they have all been very pleased to hear that DH is happy to consider a vasectomy. He went to talk to the GP, who did raise questions like this. He said the GP apologised for having to ask awkward questions but that it was necessary to make sure that he was making the right choice. As it happens, it has been useful because DH is now taking a bit more time to consider it because he realised he wasn't as sure as he thought he was about no more kids. I don't think I want any more either but admit I would not choose to be sterilised at the moment. We've recently had a very traumatic experience relating to fertility so are not in the best place to be making decisions, so I'm quite glad the GP put the brakes on us a bit before we made choices we might regret. He'll probably still have one but probably once the dust has settled a hit.