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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is incredibly cruel??

123 replies

TeaOnEverest · 26/03/2016 11:21

One of the school mums has been having difficulty with her youngest daughter, age 5, recently. The little girl has autism, and can be challenging. The mum has 3 older children, so has a lot on her plate

However, I was completely shocked yesterday.... I ran into her, and she started going on about how A's behaviour was so bad that she confiscated her beloved Dora doll.....and threw it in the bin.

The binmen have already taken it away. Mum is surprised that A doesn't seem to miss it at all, and is disappointed that it has had no effect on her behaviour. The little girl had been prewarned that the doll would be put in the bin.

The bad behaviour in question was interrupting mum on the phone, being rude to her siblings, and slamming doors

AIBU to think this is an absolutely horrible thing to do?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/03/2016 11:25

I don't know the pressure the Mum is under so I'm not going to hammer her for what she did.

I couldn't have done that to one of my own children.

Missdread · 26/03/2016 11:28

Don't judge. I've confiscated toys from my very challenging 5-year old before because sometimes it's the only thing that works. An autistic child tends to have a lack of empathy so no amount of "this makes me feel sad when you behave like this" or "you hurt your brother" will have any impact. The poor mother probably needs a hug, not judgeypants friends.

EveryoneElsie · 26/03/2016 11:29

What was that supposed to achieve? Confused

Did you manage to keep a neutral face when she told you?

LettingAgentNightmare · 26/03/2016 11:31

Well if she's hasn't missed it at all it can't have been that beloved.

I've binned DS's Lego before. Actually I really think children need to learn about pushing too far.

magicaltoaster · 26/03/2016 11:46

yabu

ts not ideal but its not that bad really, once youve been prewarned then you have to follow through with punishements otherwise your loose your credibility. It was probably said in the heat of the moment. We all have parenting moments we regret but unless there is a consistent pattern of abuse (verbal, physical or otherwise) then im not sure its really anyone elses business.

shazzarooney99 · 26/03/2016 11:46

Why on earth are you judging? do you have a child like this? I have a child on the spectrum, he is incredibley violent, his behaviour is awful, hes contantly on the go, he runs us ragged, if the daughters behaviour has been bad then i dont blame mum for throwing the doll in the bin, these children more than nt children need to learn, they also need to be prepared for life, which some people dont with children with disabilities, one day these children will have survive on theyre own when theyre parents are dead and gone.

Savagebeauty · 26/03/2016 11:48

I've done that .
So judge me Grin

Ohfuckaducky · 26/03/2016 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaleBlueDottie · 26/03/2016 11:51

I'd throw my youngest in the bin and keep the doll...

Binmen could have him!

But apparently that's frowned upon these days...

orangepudding · 26/03/2016 11:53

It sounds like the mum was at the end of her tether. I personally wouldn't have done it because I hate waste!
Parenting an autistic/special needs child can be very different from parenting an NT child.

sr123 · 26/03/2016 11:54

Incredibly cruel is verbal and physical abuse, not putting a doll in the bin.

AliceScarlett · 26/03/2016 11:55

Yabu, you have no idea what may or may not be best for her child.

Scoose · 26/03/2016 11:56

I couldn't do it I think it's cruel

gamerchick · 26/03/2016 11:56

I smashed up a favourite toy once in front of him. It worked, he never repeated the behavior and I've never had to do it since.

Written like that I seems shocking but if I elaborated it would make sense.

If your friend is at that point she must really be tearing her hair out.

NotNowPike · 26/03/2016 11:56

In the nicest possible way , can you try and be supportive rather than judgemental
She sounds like she is at the end of her tether

AnotherTimeMaybe · 26/03/2016 11:57

I've thrown DS's (asd)beloved comic book in the bin when he was absolutely awful! You shocked?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 26/03/2016 11:58

I smashed up a favourite toy once in front of him. It worked, he never repeated the behavior and I've never had to do it since.

Good tip!

BrandNewAndImproved · 26/03/2016 11:59

I threw my ds water pistol in the bin in front of him when he was five as he wouldn't stop squirming water in my hallway.

Oh and just because her dd has autism doesn't mean she didn't know what she was doing was wrong or rude. You still have to teach your child what's acceptable behaviour and what's not. They might only have a 3 yr olds understanding at 5 for example but they still need to be patented fgs.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2016 12:00

In the nicest possible way , can you try and be supportive rather than judgemental? She sounds like she is at the end of her tether

Totally agree.

Original poster
TeaOnEverest · 26/03/2016 12:02

I'm not judging. I'm having an opinion ffs

The doll is one she has slept with every night for the past 2 years. My own child has a teddy that she sleeps with- she'd be utterly distraught if I told her it had gone into the bin and the bin men had taken it away

But ok, all children are different and I'm projecting I suppose, and the little girl doesn't seem to mind

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 26/03/2016 12:04

If its her first child with asd it's bloody hard to work put comping strategies esp if she's the youngest in a larger family. She sounds like she's struggling.

RubbleBubble00 · 26/03/2016 12:05

Put comping = out coping

shazzarooney99 · 26/03/2016 12:05

sr123, how many children do you have with autism????

shazzarooney99 · 26/03/2016 12:08

sr123 , how is putting a doll in the bin physical abuse? what a muppet!!!!

usual · 26/03/2016 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.