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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party exclusion has upset me, AIBU?

90 replies

Tessabelle74 · 21/03/2016 20:12

My 4 year old ds is in a small class of 25, today 20 of those classmates got a party invitation but my son and 4 others haven't due to "number restrictions" now to me it's mean to invite 80% of the class as it'll be the talk of the classroom and painfully obvious to 5 they're not included! I personally would have picked a venue I could get them all in or just picked girls or boys etc. AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
NotNowPike · 21/03/2016 20:15

I think you may need to get a thicker skin
You've got at least 12 years of this to come

springydaffs · 21/03/2016 20:16

Not at all U!

Honestly, some people are so thoughtless.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 21/03/2016 20:16

Ditto what NotNowPike said

breezydoesit · 21/03/2016 20:18

I agree that perhaps a thicker skin might be needed but it is a shit thing to do. Who leaves four children out? It's strangely cruel and I'll never understand why adults think that it's ok to do this

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 21/03/2016 20:18

I understand it seems upsetting but I would just take your ds out somewhere fun on that day so he has something to talk about too. 12 more years of school to worry about these things, focus on your son not worrying about it Smile

pippistrelle · 21/03/2016 20:19

Aw, that's crap, OP. But I think I'd be pissed off at the thoughtfulness of the adults involved, rather than upset. But I'm sure you'll help your son to shrug it off, if he even cares in the first place.

Only1scoop · 21/03/2016 20:21

Must admit to exclude only 5 does seem mean I get where you are coming from.

Awful if invites were given out at school.

squiggleirl · 21/03/2016 20:22

Not a very nice thing to do at all.

That said, I wouldn't agree with inviting all the class (completely impractical a lot of the time, and truth is, no child is friends with everyone in their class) or just boys or girls (can't get my ahead around how you'd explain to a child that they can't come to the party because they're the 'wrong' gender).

If you can't invite everyone to the party, fine. But why not decide, say 15 can come. At least that way, there's a significant number in the class not going to the party, and you're not leaving out just a handful.

Cutecat78 · 21/03/2016 20:22

This happened to DD all the time in reception - eventually figured it was because she was an August baby so people were just sending reciprocal invites.

She's 16 now and it hasn't scarred her - she has lots of friends Smile

TheCometAndLittleLegend · 21/03/2016 20:22

To be honest, it's highly unlikely all 20 will accept, I'd have gone with inviting the lot years of experience of no-shows so it will be more than 5 who don't attend.

Unfortunately, although rejection stings, they are free to invite who they want so YABU to want to say who should be invited but I appreciate it still sucks.

ginplease83 · 21/03/2016 20:23

I agree- not nice!!! Don't stoop to their level though

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/03/2016 20:25

I'd never heard of entire class parties before joining MN. Certainly don't remember them being a thing when I was at primary school in the 90's. Children handed out invitations to those invited and those who weren't survived.

starry0ne · 21/03/2016 20:26

No its not nice...But can I reassure you no matter how cool the party it gets forgotten very very quickly..I cannot remember my DS talking about a single party the day after the event..

Wolfiefan · 21/03/2016 20:27

I'm sure it's not meant personally. But thoughtless but I wouldn't give it any more thought.

starry0ne · 21/03/2016 20:27

I also meant to add..It may feel personal but probably simply your DD and this child have very little to do with each other or simply they asked them to think of 20 names of children and yours didn't come up

Writerwannabe83 · 21/03/2016 20:27

I think you should take your son and the four other children out somewhere really nice and fun Grin

Screw the birthday party!!! Grin

GreenishMe · 21/03/2016 20:30

It's a shit thing to do

shazzarooney99 · 21/03/2016 20:30

A lot of places only take either 20 or 30, there maybe budget restrictions and perhaps your child is not close to the party child, unfortunately as someone else said it is something you will get used to.

TheMightyMing · 21/03/2016 20:30

I never liked this and would never have done it myself. I did hVe the whole class, plus some of the other class plus cousins and friends kids one year about 45, never again! My son had a great time though bless him.

CrazyDuchess · 21/03/2016 20:30

My daughter wanted a gymnastics party - she could only invite 20 kids. Should she miss out because the whole class can't me involved?? All 39 would never have turned up anyways.

My daughter has also not been invited to a number of parties over the year... she has coped because I haven't made it a big deal - you should get thicker skin and plan what exciting thing you are going to do with your DD that afternoon.

This certainly won't be the first time

BackforGood · 21/03/2016 20:31

How do you know that 20 dc were invited ?? Confused

If my dc weren't invited to a party, then I wouldn't know anything about it - I suppose it might get mentioned in passing, but details such as who had and hadn't been invited would never reach my ears.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/03/2016 20:32

YNBU. But I know this is no consolation, but. At least. He wasn't the only child or boy not included.
That happened to my DD. She was the only girl not invited to a pool party, and the child was allegedly "her best friend", and the mother wondered why. I started blanking her when she'd let on.

blametheparents · 21/03/2016 20:38

My DD was the only child out of 30 not invited to a birthday party in year 6. No reason other than that the birthday girl didn't like her. Got to admit, it was hard to take, but by year 6 a lot of the children in the class realized this was not fair and told the birthday girl so. Oops!

I know it is a hard thing to take, but these things work out in the end!

FullOfChoc · 21/03/2016 20:41

It is horrible. In dd's year two class there were 11 girls, one had a party for 10 girls and left DD out. Despite having accepted every party invitation from DD for 3 years. It's very rude. Luckily DD never knew.

topcat2014 · 21/03/2016 20:42

Some parents are just a bit self absorbed and thick and socially vacant - don't stress about it too much. Your DS will forget about it in due course.

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