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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party exclusion has upset me, AIBU?

90 replies

Tessabelle74 · 21/03/2016 20:12

My 4 year old ds is in a small class of 25, today 20 of those classmates got a party invitation but my son and 4 others haven't due to "number restrictions" now to me it's mean to invite 80% of the class as it'll be the talk of the classroom and painfully obvious to 5 they're not included! I personally would have picked a venue I could get them all in or just picked girls or boys etc. AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
DeltaSunrise · 22/03/2016 07:47

Liznm I hope you've told the parents that you're intending to bring a none invited child to the party?

I absolutely hate party etiquette. We don't do parties for many reasons but ds1 is having one this year.

Our school year starts in February, the classes get shuffled each year. Ds1's 7th birthday is in April. He has found it really hard to make friends this year, so we decided to do a party. He couldn't even name 5 friends in his class to invite. I thought fuck it. I've just invited all the boys in the class and hope it will kick start some friendships for him. He is friendly with a couple of girls who were in his class last year so I feel a bit guilty about not inviting them but really, it's just about helping ds1 with friendships in his class this year. I hope I haven't made anyone feel excluded.

I would hate for either ds's to be in a situation where they are one of only a few excluded from a party so YANBU to be upset. Thicker skin needed for both of us I think.

curren · 22/03/2016 07:50

I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old, who both go to nursery together. Last week, DD aged 4 got a party invitation but the other one didn't. They shall both be attending :)

Unless you have run it past the parents. A parent did this to me. Snuck their older child in. I pointed out they weren't invited. Why would I have to stop the party (only a certain number allowed) because some felt entitled to bring an extra child.

DeltaSunrise · 22/03/2016 07:52

I have a 6 & 5 year old who go to school together. I would never dream of taking both children to a party that only one had been invited to.

5yr old went to a birthday party last weekend. 6yr old stayed at home with dad.

Original poster
Tessabelle74 · 22/03/2016 08:06

I've had the situation where siblings are brought to the party, unless I've invited them I won't pay for them but I have no problem if the parent wants to. I understand some kids don't like to be left as my daughter is like that

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 22/03/2016 08:10

Linzm

Hope you have let the parent know

insancerre · 22/03/2016 08:22

I work in a nursery
Nobody invites everyone
Most partiy sizes are limited by the venue

People don't normally book a venue because it can accommodate the whole class

Linzm

How rude are you?
You can't take an uninvited child to a party

whois · 22/03/2016 08:37

I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old, who both go to nursery together. Last week, DD aged 4 got a party invitation but the other one didn't. They shall both be attending

Really? Really??

Don't do that. That's a really dickish thing to do.

KERALA1 · 22/03/2016 09:36

Linzm you are joking right? Hope so or you are ensuring party invites for your family sure tail off over the next few years if you keep that up.

OP YABU sorry. You need to woman up over this. Agree with other posters you are imbuing the situation with adult feelings. Your child will be left out of many things - he probably won't care. I have "sensitive" emotionally intelligent primary age girls and even they are relaxed about being left out of some parties. Don't wail or act upset over it in front of him.

Are you really pledging that you are going to invite every single boy/whole class to every party you hold for your DC in the future? Thought not! I once invited all the girls in DDs class in an effort to be kind/inclusive. NEVER AGAIN!!

kali110 · 22/03/2016 10:03

linz seriously? You may find that neither of your kids gets an invite again then.

lavenderdoilly · 22/03/2016 10:53

If you little one is genuinely upset (rather than you being upset) , do something fab on that day so it becomes "the day we did this" rather than " the day I didn't do that". And to the other poster Never take an uninvited child to a party. See above for what you should do.

RidersOnTheStorm · 22/03/2016 11:16

I expect Linz will be here in a couple of years whining because her DCs aren't invited to parties.

curren · 22/03/2016 11:57

I expect Linz will be here in a couple of years whining because her DCs aren't invited to parties.

Yes. Party invitations will grind to a halt.

Or the other mother may be posting that someone turned up expecting the to accommodate both kids when only one was invited.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/03/2016 13:20

linz

I'd turn you away with both. How rude are you!

kali110 · 22/03/2016 14:10

Or she will be moaning that people were rude enough to bring siblings Grin

ginplease83 · 22/03/2016 14:59

Why do people feel it's ok to bring siblings that aren't invited?

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