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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving children alone....

83 replies

Flashbangandgone · 14/03/2016 15:15

AIBU for being thoroughly confused about what is 'legally' deemed to be reasonable for leaving a child alone. When a Dad is convicted of neglect for leaving his child alone for '5 minutes' in a car to get some calpol, is advised not to appeal by a barrister, then appeals anyway whereupon the judge quoshed the conviction by responding "5 minutes and this is supposed to be a crime?"

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35803414

I'm personally on the side of the Dad and judge, but whatever my personal thoughts, it is appalling that there is such a lack of clarity on the law that this kind of thing can happen.

OP posts:

Frusso · 14/03/2016 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummymeister · 14/03/2016 15:27

It has to be this vague and a judgement call on a case by case basis. I don't like it. but the alternative would be to say no child under 16 to be left alone ever. that would be bonkers as well.

some 12 year olds are terribly sensible and could go to the shops on their own. others aren't.

plus if you start putting an age on it - say 13, 14 or whatever this means anyone under this age couldn't for example walk to school on their own, go to the cinema, go shopping with friends.

its all about degree and to be fair, most of the time, I think the courts get it about right. obvious exceptions like the one above but the alternatives don't bear thinking about.

BertrandRussell · 14/03/2016 15:28

How can you be "barely out of sight"?
John Hemming alert!!!!

GlindatheFairy · 14/03/2016 15:39

Prosecution for leaving them while you pop into a shop is ridiculous. I've always left mine in the car for short periods if they didn't want to come in or were settled and asleep, and I knew they would likely stay asleep for those few minutes.

I agree there shouldn't be specific legislation with age limits, it depends on the child and what they are happy to do, overall risks and so on. I have left DD1 alone for ten minutes in the house from being seven or eight when she was happy (or in fact insistent!) for me to do so. She has walked to and from school periodically with a friend from Y4, there are no roads to cross and it's a ten minute walk. She has always been very independent and sensible. DD2 is a bit less independent but increasingly wants to do things by herself and at & 7 now I've let her go and call for friends in the street and they play out on their bikes. It is a quiet cul de sac, clearly there are cars but not going at any speed.

Original poster

Flashbangandgone · 14/03/2016 15:53

Agreed - if that was a crime 90% of parents would be guilty of child neglect . I also agree that the law shouldn't be too specific, but at present, the position seems too vague and subjective...

OP posts:

GlindatheFairy · 14/03/2016 15:58

if that was a crime 90% of parents would be guilty of child neglect

Indeed, I'm sure my dad left me in the house or car for half an hour or so when I was six or seven and I was just quite happy to read my book for a bit.

In fact - I definitely wouldn't do this, but when I was aged 3 or 4 I used to have to stand outside the betting shop while my granddad went in!

WeeHelena · 14/03/2016 16:01

Don't think there's is much that can change how much of a grey area it is with regards to age range and circumstances in which a child is left alone.

My dd aged 5 is in the garden while I sit in my living room she is well trained not to leave and I can hear her chatting away and if not I call but I cannot see her.
I leave her in the car at the garage or if I'm popping into house for few minutes.
Shit happens whether your in the next room or even same room,next house/street, I don't think it comes under neglect.

curren · 14/03/2016 16:04

I saw this on to a while ago. Child was ill and had been to the walk in centre or oohs.

Dad parked in front of the chemist. Left toddler in car where he could see her from the chemist.

Police actually spoke to him regarding his tyres I believe (all fine) he was charged with this two weeks later.

It's not something I would do, but I understand the reasoning and don't judge people who do.

It was an appalling case from beginning to end. Effected their jobs and everything. Totally out of order.

treaclesoda · 14/03/2016 16:10

I am 40 years old and growing up in 1980s N Ireland where you couldn't leave a car parked in the street unoccupied (unless you fancied coming back to the bomb squad carrying out a controlled explosion on your car), it was entirely normal to be left sitting in the car as a small child. When I was at primary school the teachers even used to do it, get someone out of class to sit in their car whilst they banked the school money/collected something from the printers. It was a rite of passage

FreshHorizons · 14/03/2016 16:10

I sighed when I saw this news- parents should be able to risk assess for themselves rather than have legislation. It depends on the child, the circumstances and where, and for how long you have gone.
If you live in a safe area and have a sensible 8 yr old and good neighbours you can have a 5 minute walk to the post box and back without taking them.
If you have similar, and a mobile phone, you can go to the nearby supermarket, or walk the dog etc without your 12 yr old.
The important thing is to build up gradually and to have rules and to talk about 'what if...........'
It isn't in the child's interests to treat them like a toddler until they are 16yrs.

Frusso · 14/03/2016 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mari50 · 14/03/2016 17:34

This might seem a bit of a dramatic example of how things can go wrong but I remember seeing a documentary once where a gran had left her grandchildren in the car while she popped into chemists. She was hit by a car crossing the road and taken to hospital, meanwhile the children were left alone in the car during a heatwave. By the time the children were found one of them had died from the heat in the car, the other was very unwell.
Extreme example I know but one to bear in mind esp with younger children.

wigglesrock · 14/03/2016 17:44

treaclesoda I spent the vast majority of my childhood "carsitting" . I'm a smidgen older than you.

treaclesoda · 14/03/2016 17:46

wiggles so glad to meet a fellow car sitter.

'I've just got to go to the shop, will you come and sit in the car?'

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/03/2016 17:48

It is not possible to provide much more clarity or be much clearer than we are now.

If we say said no child under 12 (which last time I checked was the nspcc' guideline) then you end up with 12yo's who are not capable of being unsupervised in that position because that's what the law says and you end up with parents in court for using the karzi when their kid is 3. You also end up having a no test period time so one day kids can't be the next they can so no training time or chances to test the skills.

wigglesrock · 14/03/2016 17:51

Outside the post office on child benefit day was just a lovely way to spend 40 minutes. Even now my mum is convinced that if she leaves one of us in the car she can park wherever she wants . MN would have a field day!

x2boys · 14/03/2016 17:56

alot depends on the child too ds1 plays out and i might not see him for an hour he is 9 ds2 however has autism and learning disabillities i cant even leave him upstairs on his own as he gets up too all sorts hes nearly 6

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 14/03/2016 18:22

Frusso you have unwittingly transformed my life (well shopping habits). I had never thought of sending the older ones in and me sitting in the car.

We have started leaving them from age 10, which seems about right. By age 11 they need to be able to go to school by themselves. It's not always practical to drop snowflake 1 at secondary and snowflake 2 simultaneously at primary school. I think that definitely over 10 a child should be able to be left for an hour or two unsupervised without fear of prosecution. I suppose that the difficulty comes if a child has SEN and can't be left alone at that age, but most parents would naturally self-regulate that if they felt their child wasn't ready.

From primary age I might leave them in a car for a few mins if they were nearby.

TheRegularShow · 14/03/2016 18:24

At 12 years old you must be allowed to leave them on their own but I hear judgemental comments saying they wouldn't leave a 12 year old alone but how are people supposed to work full time if they can't be left?
A house was broken into near me at tea time and a 12 year old in alone and the comments about child neglect were awful but the single mum was at work till 630.

At 12 they too old for childminders and you would not be allowed to say to the job centre I can't work after 3 or at weekends as I need to supervise my 12 year old.

Fiona80 · 14/03/2016 19:14

I leave mine in the car quite a bit, but only ever for a minute or 2, 2 grab some milk n bread from a tesco express Or pay for petrol. Hubby always tells me off, but it's easy for him to, it's not him that has 2 drag 3 kids out of the car, it's more hassle than its worth. They are 5, 3 and 2 so I know I really shouldn't but they r mostly in view.

Gymboree567 · 14/03/2016 19:48

What I don't understand is it seems to be acceptable for 7/8/9 year olds to go to the park or shop or wander the streets alone or in pairs or groups
Yet leave those children alone in a house, now that's a crime!!

Frusso · 14/03/2016 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Flashbangandgone · 14/03/2016 20:26

The whole thing is hugely confused... Sometimes life is just like that, but when someone gets convicted (albeit ultimately overturned) with all the associated ramifications for jobs etc, for doing something that doing something theany, if not most, highly responsible parents would be comfortable with, then I don't think we can simply just leave it to people's subjective judgement without any guidelines.

OP posts:

superram · 14/03/2016 20:27

There was a phone in on 5 live today. A lady said she thought some 12 years olds wouldn't know how to behave in an emergency. As a secondary schoolteacher I hope that is not the case or I am doing a terrible job! All the students I know travel to school without an adult and many go home to an empty house as their parents are at work.

treaclesoda · 14/03/2016 20:37

super I've seen that quite a lot on mn too, people saying that 12 year olds or even teenagers are too immature to handle an emergency. Yet a typical 4 year old would know that if a fire broke out, you get out of the house and call 999. Not that I'm suggesting that it's OK to leave a 4 year old, clearly it's not. But I do think its easy to underestimate teenagers and older children, when actually they can mostly be very sensible when they need to be.

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