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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a diva-like strop over a cake

101 replies

2ndSopranosRule · 12/03/2016 17:40

It's my birthday tomorrow. MIL always takes it upon herself to provide the cake.

Lo and behold she's brought round my cake. I'm funny about cake. I actually don't really like it. In particular I don't like chocolate cake. At all. It's the biggest chocolate cake. It turns my stomach to look at it so I won't be having any.

The appearance of the cake has reminded dh that he's forgotten to get the one type of cake I do like. It's apparently my fault because dh filled a prescription for me and in the process forgot to buy me cake.

I'm annoyed at MIL. I know I'm ungrateful btw. But I'm even more annoyed at dh for not having the conversation he's been promising to have with MIL about not bringing cake (we end up with far too much and I don't like chocolate cake) for the past 12 years and forgetting to buy me cake and blame me.

Aibu to strop?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/03/2016 17:42

Not at all. Now I'm happy to help out, so just send the cake over here!

What sort of cake do you like and how come MIL doesn't know this?

Waffles80 · 12/03/2016 17:43

My MIL always brings me chocolate cake. It's one of the reasons I married her son.

QuiteLikely5 · 12/03/2016 17:44

Yabu.

The cake from MiL is a nice gesture and why can't you just take it into work or send it into your dc school?

Can't you buy yourself a cake? Do you really need one? I stopped having a birthday cake about twenty years ago.......

theycallmemellojello · 12/03/2016 17:45

Err yes yabu. Why on earth have you not mentioned to your mil that you don't like chocolate cake when you know she brings you cakes? And being brought a cake is not exactly an imposition - you don't have to eat it, just take it to work and share with your colleagues or something. This is a seriously weird thing to be annoyed at your mil about. As for your dh - it's reasonable to expect him to buy a present and make a fuss, but unreasonable to demand that the fuss involves cake. So as long as he's going to do something nice for your birthday, you're being really unreasonable.

Mrsmorton · 12/03/2016 17:45

It must be 20 years since I had a birthday cake. Didn't even get a card from my mum last year. So... I understand your frustration, but...

Anniegetyourgun · 12/03/2016 17:45

Just give me the cake, issue solved. Next!

ps YANBU. DH really needs to break it gently to his mother that her kindly gesture is a bit of a misfire, otherwise how will she ever know?

Original poster
2ndSopranosRule · 12/03/2016 17:46

I know it's a lovely gesture. I'd have liked dh to tell her I don't like chocolate cake though. I always say no thanks to chocolate at her house.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/03/2016 17:46

Aibu to strop?

If you're over the age of about 10, then yes.

gingerboy1912 · 12/03/2016 17:47

Yabu my mum makes all of our birthday cakes.its her thing, she bakes. But I'm not actually that fussed about them and would rather get something else from a lovely bakery we have locally. But I don't as it would hurt my dm feelings.

fassbendersmistress · 12/03/2016 17:48

YABU if she's been bringing cake for 12 yrs and you've said nothing!! Why have you not been able to tell her in all this time that you don't like chocolate cake?

Cake is hardly the kind of awkward conversation you have to delegate to Your DH...

LagunaBubbles · 12/03/2016 17:48

You sound a bit petty tbh, if a cake means that much to you buy your own, why would you throw a "strop" because your MIL has bought/ made a chocolate cake for you?

theycallmemellojello · 12/03/2016 17:49

Also, do you think that this - I'm funny about cake. I actually don't really like it - might play a part in your DH's not buying one??

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 12/03/2016 17:50

A 'diva-like strop' over getting cake/not getting cake? Yes, YWBU.

MangoBiscuit · 12/03/2016 17:52

So your MIL didn't know you don't like chocolate cake, so she went to the effort to make a cake for your birthday, and your cross because your DH didn't tell her it's the wrong flavour?!

YABU, and quite spoilt, and I say that as someone who is fussy about cakes too. If you don't like chocolate cake, then tell her yourself! (but wait some while so you're not slagging off the birthday cake)

iklboo · 12/03/2016 17:52

My mother bought me a chocolate cake last year. I have never liked chocolate cake. You'd think she'd remember after 46 years, wouldn't you?

Pinkheart5915 · 12/03/2016 17:52

It was a nice gesture from your mother in law. Is she aware you don't like chocolate cake.
Do you have children that could have pieces of the chocolate cake as a treat and maybe you could take the rest in to work?

Could you just go out now and buy a cake you do like?

You can send it my way if you don't want it, when it comes to cake I am not fussy I will eat any type

Dafspunk · 12/03/2016 17:53

Just chuck the cake my way and buy your own.

artlessflirt · 12/03/2016 17:56

YABU. Nip to the shop and buy yourself a cake you do like. Then let your partner/children/whoever eat the chocolate cake. It's not hard!

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 12/03/2016 18:02

Its just a fucking cake

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2016 18:08

Have you lost your birthday photo OP?

I think I might have found it Wink

To have a diva-like strop over a cake
Original poster
2ndSopranosRule · 12/03/2016 18:10

MN has spoken Smile.

I know I'm petty. I have actually told MIL I don't like chocolate cake. Many times.

I'm considering stropping at dh.

My parents bought me the same cake (seriously - M&S made for yonks) every year from the ages of 14 to 22 (when I grew a pair and told them to stop it). Didn't like that type of cake either. So I've really only had a window of two years between that point and when dh and I got together where someone significant in my life bought me cake I like.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/03/2016 18:10

Stick the cake in the freezer, defrost before MIL's birthday and ice 'mum' on top, decorate with chocolate buttons and voila! a cake for her birthday that she'll love.

I can't get my head around your statement ' It turns my stomach to look at it'.
Have you had a bad experience with chocolate cake? Confused

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 18:11

you always say no to choc at her house - yet she bought you a choc cake?
your DH forgot to do something because of a prescription - what?

you now have a cake you don't want. Yes, that is annoying. It's like if someone bought me a massive box of liquorice or shortcake or something.

Take it to work or school or whatever on Monday.

if it makes you feel any better, my parents had a mate who was given a surprise birthday do with about 20 people. One other friend said "I'll be in charge of cake" - others offered money etc and she said "no, I'll do it as my present". Thing is, they offered money because they were thinking a nice cake for 20 people wouldn't be cheap. The woman doesn't drive, so my folks asked if she needed the cake collecting or anything - she said no.

on the day, the woman unveiled this cake and it was a Tesco Victoria Sponge or some such that would feed 4 people max.

As my folks said - no wonder she refused contributions and a lift, why would you volunteer to sort cake for 20 people if that's what you wanted to provide?!!

sorry I don't know why I went on there but YANBU, have a lovely birhtday and i hope someone else gets you a decent cake!

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 18:12

ilkboo - that is pants. did you say anything?

Crispbutty · 12/03/2016 18:12

yabu simply for not liking chocolate cake lol!