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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To end a friendship over a puppy?

103 replies

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2016 12:13

A friend has been considering purchasing a new dog for the last couple of months after the death of her old dog. She wanted a small breed - a poodle or bichon was what she asked for. Didn't want a puppy, anything over 2 years to 5 years was her request. She asked me to try and help her and find a suitable dog as she wanted an older dog, but also wanted to get a dog from a reputable breeder. I did a lot of legwork for her amongst registered breeders and used my contacts to find a pedigree Bichon who was well trained, 2 years old and has a whole lot of health testing already completed.

I then get a message from her that she has purchased a poodle X shih tzu puppy, 6 weeks of age, from 'someone who has never had puppies before, but she loves her dogs, so she must be a good breeder'.

I'm furious. Absolutely ropeable. I've not only wasted my time and used my contacts on her request, but she has gone and bought a dog that is under the appropriate age for placing from someone who knows nothing about breeding,

I'm so angry, and not interested in continuing the friendship. I don't want to listen to the inevitable questions about dog training, and the agreement she has with the 'breeder' to let this dog have puppies when she is twelve months old. I just can't seem to make myself have a civilised conversation with her anymore.

AIBU to just let this friendship end? All she wants to talk about is her new puppy, and I just can't stand hearing about it.

OP posts:

TheAngelofNitshillRoad · 08/03/2016 12:17

You're not wrong.

But being "ropeable" (I'm assuming that means kind of "fit to be tied" kind of thing) seems a bit much to me.

I don't have the energy to be sooooo angry over shit like that.

TheAngelofNitshillRoad · 08/03/2016 12:18

But then I'm not really a dog person so what do I know?

Frika · 08/03/2016 12:19

Your friend sounds naïve, but are you sure she understood the all the issues involved? I'm not a dog owner, apart from a stray mongrel we informally adopted in my childhood, and have never had anything to do with dogs as an adult - and a lot of the things discussed in relation to the ethics of breeding etc on the Doghouse were news to me. What I mean is, is it possible she simply doesn't grasp the problems with what she has done? And did she know you had found her a dog?

memyselfandaye · 08/03/2016 12:19

End the friendship because you don't sound like a good friend.

We don't try and control our friends, shes a grown woman, you may not like what she has done, or choose to go that route yourself, but as an adult she can do what she wants.

Get over yourself, she hasn't murdered anyone.

waffilyversati1e · 08/03/2016 12:21

Get the feeling this goes a bit deeper than just where she chose to get a puppy

UmbongoUnchained · 08/03/2016 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Frika · 08/03/2016 12:22

And what is it that is making you so angry - that she has done something you consider unethical, or that she has wasted all the effort you went to?

Original poster

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2016 12:23

I don't have the energy to be sooooo angry over shit like that.

I'm angry because I spent several weekends, at her request, trying to find a dog for her. I went around to breeders at dog shows of the breeds she told me she was interested in and spoke on her behalf trying to find someone willing to place a dog/bitch with someone who was not already on their waiting list, so in effect she would skip the waiting list. I used the relationships, and the position I have to help her out, and now it reflects badly on me that she is not going to follow through on her request.

OP posts:

AppleSetsSail · 08/03/2016 12:23

Your reaction is completely over the top.

Branleuse · 08/03/2016 12:23

Ask her why the fuck she has just wasted so much of your time and then made a completely shit decision anyway.

Not that she owed you anything, but im not surprised youre annoyed.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 08/03/2016 12:23

You sound rather controlling and a pita tbh. She'll probably be more than happy if you don't continue the friendship.

AppleSetsSail · 08/03/2016 12:25

It sounds as though you took her request way more seriously than she did. I don't think someone changing their mind about a dog reflects poorly upon you.

ArkyOptics · 08/03/2016 12:25

I went through similar, barring actually tracking down a reputable contact and dog, although my friend was very keen to know what I thought about getting a new dog.
Then she went and bought a little wormy scrap of a 6 week old from one of those selling sites. I was upset when I saw it and she tried to talk me round. I just said I didn't want to hear about the pup, she knew my views on sources like that and that she'd better get it straight to the vet for a thorough check up. She did do that, I didn't go round for a while and we are ok now. Dog is fine, thank goodness.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 12:25

You'd fall out with her, because she's got herself a puppy. Okay you did a lot for her in helping her look for an older dog, but she's entitled to change her mind.

This world gets stranger by the second I don't know about the minute.
I'd be queing up to get some puppy snuggles.

FigMango1 · 08/03/2016 12:26

Wow you sound like a drama queen! Completely Ott. Fine to be annoyed, but you're taking it to the next level.

Spandexpants007 · 08/03/2016 12:27

Sounds like a massive over reaction on your part. It's fine to be a bit annoyed but breaking friendships is an odd reaction. You can always tell her where she can access any information she needs as you've run out of stamina after all your research

CadburysTastesVileNow · 08/03/2016 12:27

I think someone dangled a puppy and she fell in love, whatever her original good intentions.

She's possibly going to regret it. I'd let it go.

neonrainbow · 08/03/2016 12:29

Nope not unreasonable if she's going to expect advice and help from you about the puppy. People like her are infuriating. Leave her to deal with the consequences of her own stupid decision to get a dog off a back yard breeder, to say nothing of deliberately breeding off a x breed.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 12:29

You just wouldn't be able to resist that puppy face, would you, and their little cries.

PestilentialCat · 08/03/2016 12:30

Why didn't she put in the effort/legwork with you?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/03/2016 12:31

I would be annoyed, not because of the work I'd put in, but because your friend appears to have gone to a puppy farm back street breeder with no thought for the poor dog. An agreement to breed from the dog when the poor thing is 1 year old? She should be having it neutered, not creating more problems - there are enough animals needing homes without breeding more.

I don't know how I would feel if one of my friends did this, but I would struggle with it.

HotWellies · 08/03/2016 12:32

Were you at the dog shows already, or going to them specifically to do her research for her?

Xmasbaby11 · 08/03/2016 12:32

You've got a right to be annoyed. I don't know anything about dogs but she was clearly happy to let you spend a lot of time and then ignore your advice. I don't know if I'd end the friendship but I wouldn't be doing her any favours soon.

BoffinMum · 08/03/2016 12:33

I would be annoyed, OP. She has been an inconsiderate friend.

leelu66 · 08/03/2016 12:33

YANBU. I would be annoyed if someone wasted several of my precious weekends. She doesn't seem to value your time and effort on your behalf.

Was she at least sincerely apologetic?

Does she understand what she has done wrong (I'm not a dog owner but I think you're saying taking a 6 week old puppy from its mum is wrong?)

If she has repaid your help in this way, I wouldn't be offering more help with this poor puppy.

And to be a mother after 12 months...is that nnormal in dog years?

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