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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To end a friendship over a puppy?

103 replies

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2016 12:13

A friend has been considering purchasing a new dog for the last couple of months after the death of her old dog. She wanted a small breed - a poodle or bichon was what she asked for. Didn't want a puppy, anything over 2 years to 5 years was her request. She asked me to try and help her and find a suitable dog as she wanted an older dog, but also wanted to get a dog from a reputable breeder. I did a lot of legwork for her amongst registered breeders and used my contacts to find a pedigree Bichon who was well trained, 2 years old and has a whole lot of health testing already completed.

I then get a message from her that she has purchased a poodle X shih tzu puppy, 6 weeks of age, from 'someone who has never had puppies before, but she loves her dogs, so she must be a good breeder'.

I'm furious. Absolutely ropeable. I've not only wasted my time and used my contacts on her request, but she has gone and bought a dog that is under the appropriate age for placing from someone who knows nothing about breeding,

I'm so angry, and not interested in continuing the friendship. I don't want to listen to the inevitable questions about dog training, and the agreement she has with the 'breeder' to let this dog have puppies when she is twelve months old. I just can't seem to make myself have a civilised conversation with her anymore.

AIBU to just let this friendship end? All she wants to talk about is her new puppy, and I just can't stand hearing about it.

OP posts:

Boutonneux · 08/03/2016 12:48

I don't blame you for being annoyed, I would be too.

I'm actually going through a similar situation myself at the moment; my friend wants a puppy and has been asking my advice. I've looked into quality litters in the breeds she has expressed interest in and suggested websites to look into. She keeps sending me links from Pets 4 Homes and the like of various poodle crosses - dubious breeders that appear to have just allowed 2 family pets to breed for the money joy of having a litter of puppies. It's all very frustrating...

Arfarfanarf · 08/03/2016 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarkGruffalo · 08/03/2016 12:51

YANBU. And if she's been told she can breed from it I bet you'll be expected to help her find homes for the puppies, too.

FurryDogMother · 08/03/2016 12:51

This would make me incandescent with anger too, OP - not just the disregard for your time and effort, but the sheer stupidity of your 'friend' in acquiring this puppy. I couldn't bear to hear about it either. So, no, you're not BU, although those with less 'life investment' in dogs might think that you, and I are - I do get that - but I doubt whether either of us choose to feel the way we do, it's just the dog thing :)

VioletVaccine · 08/03/2016 12:51

If your contacts in the dog world are as scrupulous and responsible as you say they are, I'm sure the fact she has now backed out won't reflect badly on you.
I expect they'd rather the dogs were homed with someone equally reliable- not someone who buys a puppy before the appropriate age on a whim, from a back door breeder, and has no clue how to train them.

YANBU to be pissed off at your wasted time.
YABU if you think it's a hanging offence!

wannaBe · 08/03/2016 12:52

I can never get my head around the posts on here saying "shall I end this friendship? It's like the bloody school playground.

Tbh I can understand the annoyance over buying a puppy with an agreement to breed from it after a year. Actually the breeding bit would annoy me more than the buying of the puppy would. I have an acquaintance who keeps birds, parrots to be more specific although she has others as well. And she buys and sells them like they're dolls on a toy stall. In the few years I've known her she has got rid of several budgies, cockatiels, more budgies, canaries, has acquired and rehomed at least four parrots, one macaw, and had one parrot which flew away. And last week she posted on FB that after much soul searching she has decided that she had to rehome her two beloved parrots because they had some issues which she couldn't deal with. So far so good, I have a parrot and I know how much hard work they are, so if you decide that their issues might be better dealt with elsewhere then it is the fair thing to do to rehome them. However she then went on to say that she would be acquiring another parrot from a breeder, and, more to the point, would be having it delivered by courier. . I want to slap her and tell her that te homing the first birds was the right thing to do, but this is a bloody sign that she's not cut out to have birds. And she's already saying this new bird is going to be hard work. I give it a month before she gets rid and has a new one.

But really all you can do is make an opinion known, especially over the agreement to breed from the dog. Personally I wouldn't buy a puppy from a puppy farm and there's not a chance in hell I would agree to breed from it. But reality is that the puppy is here now, and while many puppies do have issues, the fact it didn't come from a specific breeder doesn't guarantee it will have problems, neither does a KC registered puppy have the guarantee of being the perfect dog. So now the puppy is here she'll need to work with what she's got, and there's every chance things will be ok. I would work on persuading her not to breed from it though. She could invent a medical condition which meant the dog needed to be neutered. In fact I would use enough emotional blackmail over not knowing who the puppies would go to/fear of the dog dying during the birth/having to deal with dead puppies etc. You have a year to turn on the guilt. .

fassbendersmistress · 08/03/2016 12:52

OP when you said 'yes' to helping out your friend, did you explain to her that this came with conditions...? Ie: that she HAD to follow your advice?

From the original post I would have said YABU to end the friendship, but from further posts, I honestly think you are better ending this friendship, for her sake as much as yours. I'm a dog lover and I don't agree with how she went about her purchase, and you have every right to be a bit annoyed about this. however, your extreme reaction/fury suggests there's more to this than just dogs....

PrivatePike · 08/03/2016 12:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 08/03/2016 12:53

I agree Fassbender.

LizzieMacQueen · 08/03/2016 12:58

I haven't heard 'absolutely ropeable' used before.

Does that mean the same as 'I'd swing for them'?

ie that you'd be willing to be hanged (I assume for killing them for their misdemeanour).

PrivatePike · 08/03/2016 13:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 08/03/2016 13:02

"Ropeable" is often used in Australia. It means very angry.

PrivatePike · 08/03/2016 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 08/03/2016 13:05

I've just googled, and it is from Australia and New Zealand, and comes from the notion that one is so angry they would need to be restrained (i.e. With ropes).

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/03/2016 13:05

Yabu.

Very very very.

Let her get on with her life without you.

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears · 08/03/2016 13:06

YANBU.
I ended a friendship with a friend because she bought an electric shock collar for her dog.
I'm not a dog person, but I don't agree with torturing animals for your personal convenience.

It's an animal welfare issue and she not only wasted your time but helped perpetuate people who breed and exploit animals for money.
If she can't see what she has done is wrong then the friendship is doomed as she's dim.

PrivatePike · 08/03/2016 13:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard · 08/03/2016 13:06

You sound well over invested in this.

Yes you went out of your way and I appreciate that is irritating, but your post is so intense.

Let it go.

PrivatePike · 08/03/2016 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tealoveryum · 08/03/2016 13:07

Have you told her how pissed off you feel and how much time you've wasted? Have you told her what you consider of the breeder?

It's up to you to end a friendship or not but if I was angry enough or felt passionately enough about something then I'd give voice to it and then see how I felt and they felt about the

YANBU to end the friendship if you want to, people end friendships over whatever they want.

Out of interest, if she'd found a dog to adopt from someone or from a centre would you be as pissed off at the wasted time? Or is it because of buying from a breeder?

Original poster

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2016 13:12

Out of interest, if she'd found a dog to adopt from someone or from a centre would you be as pissed off at the wasted time? Or is it because of buying from a breeder?

I wouldn't have a problem with her buying a desexed dog from a rescue or shelter. I do have a big problem with her buying from a backyard breeder and allowing the bitch to go back to the 'breeder' to have puppies when she is only twelve months old.

OP posts:

Mag314s · 08/03/2016 13:18

I agree with somebody up thread. Your friend is a human being, who you are friends with.

Would you really sacrifice that because of a difference of opinion about dog breeders? and you may not agree with dog breeders in principle but the fact remains that some are more reputable than others and if you cut off her friendship you'd be saying basically that her judgement isn't to be trusted.

Would your friend be upset if you cut her over over this issue? Would that bother you? Would it bother you less (upsetting your friend) than knowing than knowing that you could tell her how you feel and it won't change anything. Dog breeders will still exist.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2016 13:18

poodle X shih tzu

Does that make it a Shitapoo?

TeamSteady · 08/03/2016 13:19

YANBU.

As someone also "involved" with dogs i get completely why you are so pissed off about doing a fair bit of leg work yourself, to have her disregard everything and buy the puppy she has.

I just can't get over the selfishness of some people when someone has taken the time to explain about sensible breeding practices, genetic health testing etc etc and then they go and get a puppy farmed puppy because they want it now.

I had a similar but less invested similar incident a few years ago. Friend wanted to buy a particular breed of puppy. Not "my breed" but asked for my opinion/help/advice. So i looked into breed clubs, found out the relevant health testing that needed to be done etc. Found some suitable sounding litters on champ dogs and gave her all the info.. for her to say oh no... i want it within the next ten days.. and she rang some number out of the paper.. she rang and asked about the litter of puppies, to which they responded, "which litter?..." well I am sure you know what that means. She fully acknowledged that the puppy she bought was from a puppy farm, unhealth tested and mother had an appalling life kept in a shed etc, but the puppy "seems alright" and she "didn't want to wait months for a puppy"...

People are wankers

MadamDeathstare · 08/03/2016 13:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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