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Original poster

to finally believe in karma

80 replies

Dinkiedoo · 07/03/2016 12:01

My ex and I split up when son was a baby ...he was cheating.. I brought my son up on my own and he gave up work so he didnt have to pay child support. He still saw my son every fortnight for the day but never bought him anything even tho he wore designer clothes etc bought by his partner. (they never married)
27 years later he is now living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat. My son reports that he hardly goes out and looks terrible. Apparently he just sits in his chair covered in a blanket.
Im not sorry for him . I m just glad that his partner saw him for what he was at last and threw him out. Son sees him about once a month if ex is lucky .
The karma bus has run over this cheat a few times me thinks

OP posts:
Pollyputhtekettleon · 07/03/2016 12:07

I don't think I have any opinion either way on the above. You sound very spiteful about someone who is still your son's father and a fellow human being but I understand that some people can drive even an angel to spite.

cuckoooo · 07/03/2016 12:12

There is a difference between acknowledging karma and schadenfreude.

You sound very embittered. It is a shame that have never learned to forgive and in the end the only person who pays is you.

You should have compassion, this is your child's father and it is 27 years later!

Jackie0 · 07/03/2016 12:14

You say you're glad , but are you really ?
Does this situation give you happiness ?
I'm not sure , clearly there is an element of satisfaction when someone who has hurt you becomes hurt but I don't think it's a good mindset to dwell in. It's a negative emotion and isn't good for you really.
Take care of you and son, use your energy for gratitude and love , then you really will be glad .

SweetieDrops · 07/03/2016 12:15

Sounds like natural consequences. He didn't want to work so now can't afford a luxury standard of living. He wasn't a great dad so his son isn't that bothered about him. YANBU to feel he has brought it on himself and not have a lot of sympathy.

FigMango1 · 07/03/2016 12:16

Op if you believe in it, then what did you do to get stuck with someone who cheated and then split leaving you to raise your ds alone?or what did your ds do to have a father like that?

molyholy · 07/03/2016 12:20

Wow 27 years on and you are still bitter. I understand it must have been a very tough time for you after her cheated and it is admirable that you brought your son up with no financial help from his father, but you are GLAD you sons dad is living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat, looks terrible and seems to be living a miserable existence.

wannaBe · 07/03/2016 12:20

27 years is a long time to live with that much bitterness.

You don't sound all that pleasant yourself. Be careful that Karma doesn't come calling. Eh. Hmm.

GloriousGoosebumps · 07/03/2016 12:20

I don't think Dinkiedoo sounds spiteful, I think she is just musing on how different her ex's life would be if he hadn't thought it was ok to cheat on the mother of his child. I also think the ex is very, very fortunate to now have a relationship with a child he chose not to support financially and the ex should thank Dinkiedoo that she was mature enough to facilitate that relationship.

molyholy · 07/03/2016 12:21

But she isn't musing - she is happy about it.

MartinaJ · 07/03/2016 12:23

I don't believe in karma, fate or whatever you call it. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.
Whatever happened to your ex is simply probably a very logical consequences of his lifestyle and choices he made. He sounds like a serial cheater who never had money of his own and his luck ran out (figuratively speaking) because his partner wasn't ready to support him anymore. There's no karma behind it because there are thousands of other cheaters and spongers who live a very happy and comfortable life.
There's no real and logical substance in karma or the beloved Christian concept of hereditary sin etc. You may influence your life to a certain extent and the rest depends on people and events around you. All karma stories are simply a post-factum wishful thinking of people who would like to believe that good will always be rewarded and evil punished.

Jibberjabberjooo · 07/03/2016 12:25

There's no such thing as karma.

Frika · 07/03/2016 12:26

Honestly, OP, this man treated you (and your child) badly, and it's entirely understandable you're not thrilled about it - but if you actually believe in karma, then that would involve you yourself, in this or a past life, having done something that meant you 'deserved' to have been abandoned by an unpleasant adulterer when your son was a baby.

The doctrine of karma is more all-encompassing than just 'I'm thrilled something bad happened to someone who wronged me'.

Ludways · 07/03/2016 12:27

No such thing as karma, there is however such a thing as a spiteful bitter ex.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2016 12:28

If you're such a believer in Karma, OP, be careful that it doesn't change direction and give you a smack in the face. You sound a bit spiteful. Karma doesn't like that... just saying.

Only twits celebrate 'Karma'; the rest of us realise that bad things happen to people who do good things and don't deserve 'it' as well as those who do bad things and might well. Silly.

DustyBustle · 07/03/2016 12:29

He continued contact with his son, and still does - that says he's not been a total loser.

Yoksha · 07/03/2016 12:31

Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Grudges do no good whatsoever and they benefit no one, neither in our business lives nor our personal lives.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 07/03/2016 12:33

I felt very sad to read this. Sad that the Op hasn't moved on, in 27 years.

My Ex cheated on me, many many times, even with some of my friends. So when I left him (after 20 years), I also lost my best friend. It was hard. He then cheated on the woman he lived with after me. She has left him now. So, he's alone. I feel nothing but sadness for him. Sad that his own silly actions have ruined his life. I don't want him to be alone or sad. I have no bitterness.

Op, try to move on. This is not healthy for you - at all.

LaConnerie · 07/03/2016 12:35

People make their own 'Karma' - and not in a 'woo' sense. It's hardly surprising that somebody who gives up work and treats people around them like shit ends up with nothing.

IMO it's a shame that this man has ended up in this state - if only so your son doesn't have to have such a crap father :(

Maybe I'm a mug but I feel sorry for anybody who lets their life turn to shit.

blindsider · 07/03/2016 12:36

jiberjabber

There's no such thing as karma.

There jolly well is I had one last night with a bit of rice and a chipati Wink

lorelei9 · 07/03/2016 12:37

I don't believe in karma
Plenty of awful people live well
It does mean that it's more striking when someone actually does get what they deserve.

neonrainbow · 07/03/2016 12:39

Wow .... 27 years? Time to move on.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/03/2016 12:39

There is a difference between acknowledging karma and schadenfreude

This I am nicking that rather intelligent little phrase

Frika · 07/03/2016 12:41

Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Grudges do no good whatsoever and they benefit no one, neither in our business lives nor our personal lives.

I thoroughly enjoy nursing a good grudge, don't think it's at all damaging, and will freely admit to being utterly delighted when something bad happens to the subject of my grudge - but I don't put that down to 'karma', just that occasionally something awful happens to someone awful. And when it does, I will be there with the popcorn.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 12:43

Just responding to the title which came up in trending ... the ridiculous idea of karma is one of the few reasons I could never fully embrace being a Buddhist I think .... the other one is reincarnation - I think when you're gone you're gone.
I really enjoy a Buddhist meditation class I go to and think there's much wisdom in accepting that suffering is a part of life - the price we pay for being here perhaps? Inevitable in every human life?
Perhaps you might explore other aspects of Buddhism such as mindfulness and compassion Dinkiedoo?
A belief in karma on it's own won't get you far IMHO

TonySopranosVest · 07/03/2016 12:46

Oh it's always so lovely on MN where everyone forgives and forgets and all the unicorns shit rainbows.

When you have been badly and cruelly ill-used by someone who should have at the very least, stepped up in some small financial way to support your child then it's easy to become 'bitter'. Or maybe the OP doesn't spend her waking hours plotting her ex's demise and crowing over his every small hurt - maybe she just thinks 'Ha on you, you stupid fucker' when she finds out his betrayal (of primarily her son) has meant that his life is shit.