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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to finally believe in karma

80 replies

Dinkiedoo · 07/03/2016 12:01

My ex and I split up when son was a baby ...he was cheating.. I brought my son up on my own and he gave up work so he didnt have to pay child support. He still saw my son every fortnight for the day but never bought him anything even tho he wore designer clothes etc bought by his partner. (they never married)
27 years later he is now living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat. My son reports that he hardly goes out and looks terrible. Apparently he just sits in his chair covered in a blanket.
Im not sorry for him . I m just glad that his partner saw him for what he was at last and threw him out. Son sees him about once a month if ex is lucky .
The karma bus has run over this cheat a few times me thinks

OP posts:
ClarenceTheLion · 07/03/2016 13:25

My ex was similar. Actually moved abroad to avoid supporting his child, but was quick to contradict me when I referred to myself as a single parent - because his once a month phone call to our child was a really valuable contribution...

The situation now is that the woman he met after me left him for the same reasons I did. He is both very fond of money and bone idle, so he just downsizes his property every few years to release more cash. His big 'financial carrot' years ago was that he'd have a property to leave our child. At the rate he's going, he'll only leave a bedsit, if that. And he uses and uses people for favours until they are wrung out and avoid him.

Ultimately I feel sorry for him. His values are fucked. And he's finally reached an age, like yours, where it's hurting him instead of hurting others. That mean spirit finally rots the outside too...

hmcAsWas · 07/03/2016 13:26

Pot, kettle, black!

Some (not all) of the posters labelling the OP as spiteful and nasty are in effect being unpleasant themselves by putting the boot in

By all means disagree with the OP but labelling and name calling is not very edifying now is it - especially for those of you attempting to claim the moral high ground. Oh the irony!

ClarenceTheLion · 07/03/2016 13:27

natkingcole And her ex wasn't spiteful and nasty for 18+ years?

It's interesting that so many of you have no sympathy for or empathy with the OP. Some of you probably are child maintenance dodging deadbeats...

Momamum · 07/03/2016 13:29

Op, it's just the word 'karma' that lies uneasily with me..

I just don't believe in this metaphysical giving of just desserts to even up the score, sorrySad

But, you know what? That a child he wilfully abandoned and cared nought about over the years to support, still takes even a minute of their time to support him says a lot for your son and your upbringing of your son to be a decent person is more than karma, it's a lady teaching her child how to treat others ...now that deserves a Star

LaConnerie · 07/03/2016 13:30

Actually Clarence I feel for the OP too.

I think it's genuinely sad that she appears not to have moved on 27 years after her ex left her Sad

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 13:34

Oh yeh, as I said it's just the karma thing that got me engaged here .... some of us have our own very good reasons to rile against that.
And OP did make that her title for this.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2016 13:35

Yes it does, Momamum.

MrsBobDylan · 07/03/2016 13:37

It must be sad for your son to see his Dad like that op.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 07/03/2016 13:45

27 years later he is now living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat. My son reports that he hardly goes out and looks terrible. Apparently he just sits in his chair covered in a blanket.
Im not sorry for him

You're pleased that your DS has to see his Dad like that? Sad

PosieReturningParker · 07/03/2016 13:48

Can't blame you for not pitying someone who let you and your son down and was entirely selfish.

Allbymyselfagain · 07/03/2016 13:55

sothathappened exactly what I wanted to say.

I know a lady in a very similar situation. All I see/hear when I am around her is how sad her son has grown up with that level of hatred shown towards his father. The son is now a complete mothers boy who can't leave home or move on with his own life because his mother has used him as an emotional crutch her entire life. They live together and whilst the son is a lovely kind generous man I can't ever see him settling down, getting married or having children, purely because his mother hasn't made any room in their lives for another woman. So sad

SoThatHappened · 07/03/2016 13:58

The son is now a complete mothers boy who can't leave home or move on with his own life because his mother has used him as an emotional crutch her entire life

I ended up like that too. I hope she is happy how I turned out with her leeching and possessiveness with me.

paxillin · 07/03/2016 14:05

No karma needed, just consequences. He gave up work in order to avoid paying so his career crumbled. This and his profligacy left him penniless as is to be expected. His new partner started a relationship with a man who could look after himself and ended up with a bloke in a chair with a blanket and his poverty was of his own making, so she left. No surprise there, either.

What is surprising is you getting joy from this 27 years on. Find something more worthwhile. It is a shame for your ds to watch his dad like this, even if dad is at fault.

Natkingcole9 · 07/03/2016 14:07

lion two wrongs don't make a right. Smile

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 07/03/2016 14:09

gawd mixed opinions here. Im not happy he is like this but you reap what you sew.
I am bitter yes. going without food to feed your child and living in squalor until I managed to drag myself back up . My son nearly dying when he was tiny and him not being bothered ..he was on holiday in Devon at the time and wouldnt come back .There are many reasons for me being bitter I admit that. BUT was just pointing out that if you wait long enough something will bite you on the butt .

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 07/03/2016 14:14

I m just glad that his partner saw him for what he was at last and threw him out. Son sees him about once a month if ex is lucky.
The karma bus has run over this cheat a few times me thinks

You are bloody delighted OP.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 14:15

Sometimes you reap what you sow, sometimes you don't

abbsismyhero · 07/03/2016 14:22

you reap what you sow he did not work therefore he is in a run down flat with a blanket for company

but, does anyone else think the son might be exaggerating to see if his mom will pick up the pieces?

my ex moved on with his wife and had more kids etc totally blames me for our daughter not wanting to know him now she is 15 i think it's his fault for not wanting to know her right from when she was 3!

you have three choices in life USE THEM WISELY

GloGirl · 07/03/2016 14:27

He made his own bed, and by bed I mean bed sit and lap blanket and yes, even 20 years later if someone had gone out of their way to repeatedly treat me badly I would feel like it was a bit of restorative justice.

He didn't want to pay for his own son so he refused to work for years to dodge it. He had treated his wife badly and now he has no company. I would feel that was just desserts.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 14:28

What three choices abbs?

Or is it ... Use. Them. Wisely?

RockUnit · 07/03/2016 14:54

Sometimes you reap what you sow, sometimes you don't

Juggling you're right.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 15:04

Thanks Rock, I like my visual metaphors ...

So it's like sometimes you're happily walking along your furrow reaping the seed you've sown, because let's face it you're not going to reap some other crop.
But then a massive meteor falls out of the sky and flattens you and the entire field.

That kind of thing.

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 07/03/2016 15:45

My son has turned out to be a great lad despite what his dad put him through. Letting him down etc etc. I do not bad mouth him nor do I say anything about my ex's predicament. Son just told me as it was when he asked if I could drop him off one night.
He contacts his dad his dad rarely calls him . His other kids dont bother at all .
My son works as a carer and is very good at it . He also looks after his nan when Im working .Im not nasty or an uncaring person just feel he has got his just desserts and I do not think there is anything wrong with that.

OP posts:
LifeofI · 07/03/2016 15:57

Op although i can understand why you are angry i think to bring good karma to yourself is to help him, show him kindness.

ClarenceTheLion · 07/03/2016 16:08

Op although i can understand why you are angry i think to bring good karma to yourself is to help him, show him kindness.

Personally I think that's doormat territory, although I'm aware it could depend very much on the individual in question.

In my case, my ex would take and take and take from me if I offered. He'd happily bleed me dry to benefit himself, even though I still financially support our child. Some people are leeches, and they're not capable of feeling gratitude. As this man's other children have no contact with him, and going by what the OP tells us, I think I can safely bet that this man is not a nice person.

And I wouldn't worry about the OPs karma in relation to her ex. By his behaviour he's gifted her a boatload of it. If she really wants to boost her karma, I'd suggest helping out at an animal charity!

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