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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to finally believe in karma

80 replies

Dinkiedoo · 07/03/2016 12:01

My ex and I split up when son was a baby ...he was cheating.. I brought my son up on my own and he gave up work so he didnt have to pay child support. He still saw my son every fortnight for the day but never bought him anything even tho he wore designer clothes etc bought by his partner. (they never married)
27 years later he is now living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat. My son reports that he hardly goes out and looks terrible. Apparently he just sits in his chair covered in a blanket.
Im not sorry for him . I m just glad that his partner saw him for what he was at last and threw him out. Son sees him about once a month if ex is lucky .
The karma bus has run over this cheat a few times me thinks

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2016 12:47

You do sound bitter. I don't think it is karma. I suspect it is a consequence of the type of person your ex is. If he was always a lazy, selfish person who shirked responsbility then his life is likely to be shit if there is no one to keep in the style he would like to be accustomed to. He was never going to step up and take responsibility for his own life, was he?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/03/2016 12:48

OP pop here, you will be in better company (esp. to the latter piece if the thread where we talk about karma) x
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2578701-Why-do-some-men-who-leave-for-OW-treat-their-exes-with-such-contempt?

Stratter5 · 07/03/2016 12:48

Nah sorry, I'm with the OP on this one. I don't actually give people I dislike brain space - I'm known for being able to remove them so thoroughly from my thoughts that they may as well be dead.

I'd still be secretly happy if the karma bus ran them over though. And I don't care if anyone thinks that makes me a bad person, because I know I'm not.

Frika · 07/03/2016 12:51

Oh it's always so lovely on MN where everyone forgives and forgets and all the unicorns shit rainbows.

When you have been badly and cruelly ill-used by someone who should have at the very least, stepped up in some small financial way to support your child then it's easy to become 'bitter'. Or maybe the OP doesn't spend her waking hours plotting her ex's demise and crowing over his every small hurt - maybe she just thinks 'Ha on you, you stupid fucker' when she finds out his betrayal (of primarily her son) has meant that his life is shit.

Well, I don't disagree with any of that. The ex was a thoroughgoing piece of shit by all accounts, and there's nothing in the least unreasonable in crowing inwardly that he's now on his uppers as a consequence of his own actions. But if the OP is evincing karma as the reason for this turn in his fortunes - ie if we 'earn' our own misfortunes by past actions - then it's actually a fairly pitiless worldview, and famine-stricken children/drowning refugees/the victims of horrible crimes are all 'paying' for past wrongdoing, in this life or a past one...

TonySopranosVest · 07/03/2016 12:54

Karma is just a shorthand in this context as we all know. There's no such thing as karma, there's no such thing as people getting their just desserts, there are natural consequences and it looks like OP's ex got them. In spades.

LaConnerie · 07/03/2016 12:55

I don't think anybody's a 'bad person' for thinking somebody's got what they deserved - I also don't think unicorns shit rainbows.

It just strikes me as sad for this man's son that he has grown up with such a twat as a father. If OP really believes in Karma, why has 'it' dealt her son that hand? Nothing to be celebrated IMO.

RickOShay · 07/03/2016 12:56

I am with you op. Call it what you want there is satisfaction when people who have treated you badly get some kind of comeuppance. There just is. I am surprised that pp are so forgiving actually.

SoThatHappened · 07/03/2016 12:57

27 years later he is now living on his own in a run down area in a one bedroomed flat. My son reports that he hardly goes out and looks terrible. Apparently he just sits in his chair covered in a blanket.

Sounds like a depressive illness. Great say someone deserves that.

He saw your son every fortnight and your son still sees him now. He can't have been that bad.

If you had been happy for the last 27 years you wouldnt care.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 12:58

It wouldn't give me any satisfaction that's all, never mind the unicorns and other shizzle

pictish · 07/03/2016 12:58

And when it does, I will be there with the popcorn.

Hehehe...it's rare the person I come across that I couldn't care for in any way...I am not a vengeful or bitter person at all, but there are one or two people I have had dealings with in my time, more specifically one in particular, and I'd be lying if I said this statement wasn't true.

Karma doesn't exist. Your ex isn't in the state he's in because of anything woo...he's just made shit choices and not been fortunate enough to win out. The next cheating wanker will waltz off and stay on his feet. Such is life.

TonySopranosVest · 07/03/2016 13:02

Ridiculous, tangled thought there, that there should be pity for the man who left OP to do all the heavy lifting but opprobrium for her because she's 'bitter' and been unhappy for 27 years.

Nice to see nothing ever really changes and the same old nonsense about RP's being bitter over non payment of CM is alive and well.

RickOShay · 07/03/2016 13:04

Have you never been completely fucked over then juggling?

SoThatHappened · 07/03/2016 13:04

It just strikes me as sad for this man's son that he has grown up with such a twat as a father. If OP really believes in Karma, why has 'it' dealt her son that hand? Nothing to be celebrated IMO.

Yeah. Quite. A layabout and now depressed father and an embittered mother who cant move the fuck on after nearly 30 years.

karma got your son OP? What did he do to deserve the two of you?

hmcAsWas · 07/03/2016 13:04

Dinkiedoo - ignore the pearl clutching, purse lipped hoikers of judgey pants. Yanbu

RockUnit · 07/03/2016 13:06

No such thing as Karma, just coincidence.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2016 13:08

Not very nice for OP's son to see his dad in that state. However much OP might be delighted, I hope she has the grace to keep the crowing to herself.

To the ridiculous post about unicorn shit or whatever it was; you've no idea what other people here have gone through, none AT ALL. Just because posters go through heaps of heartbreak doesn't mean that they feel the need to become vengeful. Confucius said it best about seeking revenge, better dig two holes.

I don't want children who seek revenge because it will harm them so however difficult it can be to see someone who's wronged me having a good life, I'm not going to wish bad things on them or celebrate when that happens, it can turn on a sixpence.

Jackie0 · 07/03/2016 13:10

I think some posters are getting the wrong end of the stick.
Letting the anger go isn't a kindness to the dead beat dad, it's a kindness to the OP.
She is who will benefit !

shovetheholly · 07/03/2016 13:13

I don't believe in karma.

I do believe that if you're an arrogant twat who goes around the world treading on people to get on, then you're likely to find that you have very few friends to support you when you're on the way down. You don't need a mystical term to understand that, though - you just need the word 'consequences'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2016 13:14

Absolutely, Jackie0.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2016 13:14

*Jackie0 Mon 07-Mar-16 13:10:03

I think some posters are getting the wrong end of the stick.
Letting the anger go isn't a kindness to the dead beat dad, it's a kindness to the OP.
She is who will benefit !*

I agree entirely. Her rage or lack of it makes no difference to the ex but I can make a difference to her.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2016 13:15

Bold fail on the quotation

LaConnerie · 07/03/2016 13:16

To the ridiculous post about unicorn shit or whatever it was; you've no idea what other people here have gone through, none AT ALL

Here, here. At risk of playing Poor Me Top Trumps, I have been given all the reasons in the world to feel vengeful towards an ex. But when I discovered the worst happened to him I just felt sad for a completely wasted life.

Does that make me a mug?

SoThatHappened · 07/03/2016 13:16

She shouldnt let her son see that attitude either.

My mum gloated when we find out my estranged dad had had an untimely death.

Despite my dad being a total twat, I am afraid my response to my mother was....he dodged a bullet not spending the rest of the life he did have with a bitch like you.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/03/2016 13:20

Well since someone asked about my life circumstances I'll just say I'm with LyingWitch ..... shit happens to everyone in one way or another but we don't all respond to it the same way, not everyone takes any satisfaction from another person's misery.

Natkingcole9 · 07/03/2016 13:20

The words spiteful and nasty come to mind.

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