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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Soooo I think dh is pissed with me

84 replies

NeedACleverNN · 01/03/2016 08:08

We have an agreement that if any child wakes us before 2am it's his turn. After its mine.

I had a terrible sleep due to his wandering hands last night that come 1.55 and ds wakes I nudged him awake to deal with it.

I kindly asked if he would mind sorting out ds. He opened one eye and then buried his head back into the pillow. I took this as a no, he's not doing it.

Went to get up to find him grabbing my arm to make me stay in bed however by now he had wound me up so I threw him off and went and made a bottle. Bottle ready and he suddenly appeared to take the bottle off me. Told him forget it, I'll do it, to which he snapped you've woken me up now just give it here.
He then stormed off to ds's room whilst I went back to bed.

He didn't say goodbye to me this morning and he hadn't done the bin bags like he normally does.

I just know that when he gets home tonight he will be quiet and sulky until I have it out with him to which it will be all my fault for waking him up when he was so tired.

So...wibu to wake him up when I was already awake?

OP posts:

RidersOnTheStorm · 01/03/2016 08:11

YWBU. You were already awake and it was almost time for your "shift".

Very selfish.

Katenka · 01/03/2016 08:14

Sounds like you are both knackered and just getting a bit short with each other.

Confused how is wandering hands kept you awake if he was asleep though

TheWitTank · 01/03/2016 08:15

Yes, I think you were really. You were awake, it was 5 minutes before your "shift". His childish stropping is ridiculous though, so HIBU with that.

Sarahxxx · 01/03/2016 08:16

If you were feeling awake enough you would have done it. I've nudged my OH awake loads. It's having kids, that's what it's all about. If he was that tired he would have gone straight back to sleep. Don't dwell on it. You have to be flexible when it comes to kids. This stage doesn't last forever. (7 weeks in with baby number 2 😴)

MLGs · 01/03/2016 08:17

Well strictly it was his shift so by your rules you should have woken him up.

Don't know what all of that huffing about and snatching bottles was about. He could have gone back to sleep had he wanted. And no call to be in a mood with you all day.

FuckyNell · 01/03/2016 08:18

Yabu that wad unnecessary. By the the time the bottle was made it would have been after 2am anyway. Plus you were awake.

Do you go out to work too? If not then I think 2am is too late for the changeover.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 01/03/2016 08:18

Re is hands....

He has a bad habit whilst asleep where he is feeling me up and tries to have his way. It's been a while but occasionally I have to push him off me when he's pinned me down.

He is asleep before anyone shouts about being abusive. He doesn't know he is doing it until I wake him up and tell him and he always feels guilty afterwards.

He's tried seeing a doctor about it but they have said nothing they can do.

OP posts:

Bringiton2016 · 01/03/2016 08:19

There's no right or wrong ime. Just agree that you don't discuss anything that happens at that hour and you don't hold it against each other. My friend calls it the 3am rule. You were both shattered, sleep deprivation makes couples argue. Just invent the 3am rule. You have to learn to laugh about it cos it will happen again.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 01/03/2016 08:19

I think at 5 to 2, I would have got up and done it myself really, seems a bit mean to wake him so close to "handover".

LineyReborn · 01/03/2016 08:19

You're both knackered.

HolgerDanske · 01/03/2016 08:19

Hmmmm I wonder if you might be better off changing the arrangement slightly and having one night off and one on? I think if I were back in the baby days I'd prefer to have a good sleep every other night rather than a broken sleep every night. I think when this sort of argument happens in an otherwise equalish arrangement it's because both people are sleep deprived and at the point of feeling resentful at lack of sleep.

NynaevesSister · 01/03/2016 08:20

You are both being unreasonable because you are sleep deprived parents of a small baby. Neither of you is being selfish (what a dreadful thing to say!).

These things happen at this point. The first year with a new baby is really tough on both of you.

mamas12 · 01/03/2016 08:20

SO he kept you awake with his "wandering hands" what does that mean?
Doesn't he take no for an answer? Doesn't he respect you and your autonomy over your own body?
Then when he doesn't get it and you wake him up he gets ratty
You. Oh need to sit down and seriously talk about this, no childish sulks, how unattractive

Bringiton2016 · 01/03/2016 08:20

Re your other problem: perhaps you need separate beds.

HolgerDanske · 01/03/2016 08:21

Or, if you have a spare room, I'd consider sleeping separately for now. If he can't help it then it's not his fault if he keeps you up, but I'd want a proper sleep.

LineyReborn · 01/03/2016 08:22

Christ, you literally mean wandering hands ie serious unwanted attention, don't you?? I'd be in the other room.

00100001 · 01/03/2016 08:23

Yes definitely try one night on, one night off, or however many days.

You're both really tired, and he was just being stroppy.

Next time, just get up if its a few minutes before. I'm sure he will do the same for you too one day.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 01/03/2016 08:24

He can't take no for an answer. He doesn't hear me. He gets in that deep a sleep that pushing him off and shouting doesn't work. I have to wake him to a semi rouseable state.

Last night was feeling of the bum and top of the legs which immediately wakes me up and puts me on the defensive as I know what happens if I don't stop him in time. This had been going on for a good hour before ds woke up. I have to keep dozing and pushing his hand away until the little part in his brain clicks.

he does not mean to do it.

OP posts:

bakeoffcake · 01/03/2016 08:25

Go and sleep in another bed. Or if you don't have one put pillows down the middle of the bed, between you and him, so he can't touch you.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 01/03/2016 08:25

My Dh does the wandering hands thing, too..also talks in his sleep and thrashes around some nights, it's tough going but we now know that him being really tired triggers it. I go to the spare room sometimes as there's no point in both of us not getting good sleep. I'd be annoyed too but just ignore his strop and carry on. Alternate nights might be an idea for you both..

Katenka · 01/03/2016 08:26

Can you sleep separate for now?

I walk and talk in my sleep and disturb dh. I can't help it, but that doesn't help dh.

bakeoffcake · 01/03/2016 08:26

X posted.

That sounds awful, it doesn't matter if he means it or not, you can't put up with that for the rest of your life.

Katenka · 01/03/2016 08:27

Yes mine is worse when I am exhausted

Annarose2014 · 01/03/2016 08:28

Honestly if that was happening consistently over years and was likely to happen for the rest of my life I'd have bought twin beds long ago.

Eliza22 · 01/03/2016 08:28

Unreasonable, I think. It was near the 2am watershed.

Just wondering, do you both work? DH NEVER got up to DS. Ever.

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