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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn't special treatment

93 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 26/02/2016 18:41

Sorry its a long one and a bit vague so not outing.

My DSS's teacher has had an accident and is in hospital with a broken leg and cuts and bruises but will be fine. 2 years ago DSS'S (10) DM died in a similar type of accident.

The school has been very good with DSS helping him through this. The Head called DH to tell him about the teacher so we were aware before DSS's class was told. DSS was told separately from the other kids as he was likely to be upset which he was. DSS really likes his teacher.

The class made cards for the teacher and the class decided that DSS would go with the head to afternoon visiting today to give them to teacher. DH was asked if this was ok on Wednesday. We felt this would help DSS with his fear of this type of accident and of hospitals.

DSS returned to school just before home time when I picked him up. Some of the other Mums already seemed to know why DSS was out with the Head some didn't. DSS has missed some school for special days associated with his DM like her birthday and the anniversary of the day she died although the school hasn't advertised this.

We have a school Facebook group for fundraising etc. One of the mums who didn't seem to know where DSS had been has posted on it. That DSS was getting special treatment and was sucking up to the Head and the teacher. There has been several mean comments along the lines of he is 'a special snowflake' getting extra days off etc.

Aibu to want to post something back as I don't think he is getting special treatment.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/02/2016 18:43

You're right, he's not getting special treatment, but I'd caution against posting in the group. You can't educate ignorance. They want to have a moan and they've picked that today, hopefully soon they'll move on to something else.

You don't owe them an explanation for why your son got to go.

SavoyCabbage · 26/02/2016 18:44

What cows! If only they were dead then their dc could have some time off.

I wouldn't say a thing. You can't reason with people like this. They are idiots.

mistypeaks · 26/02/2016 18:44

Yanbu. I would want to say "yes he is kind of getting special treatment. After all he has suffered trauma that perhaps is not so "special"".

Hope he is ok xx

Witchend · 26/02/2016 18:45

It is special treatment. But perfectly fair and reasonable special treatment. Well done to the school for being so supportive and also seeing that it was going to mean they needed to support him through it.

Being fair doesn't necessarily mean being equal.

Floralnomad · 26/02/2016 18:46

Don't stoop to their level , its obvious to see why some children are so nasty to others when this is the type of people raising them .

coffeeisnectar · 26/02/2016 18:46

I would post, very matter of factly, why your dss had this time to visit. And watch the bitches squirm.

NNalreadyinuse · 26/02/2016 18:46

I'd have to sit on my hands to stop myself from posting. Who are these people who bitch about children on fb? And thank fuck I don't know anyone like this.

SparkleSoiree · 26/02/2016 18:47

There are always people who make up their own assumptions without being in possession of all the facts. To actually be discussing a child and referring to him in such a condescending way is pretty mean of them to be honest and smacks of vindictive, playground behaviour.

They should be thankful that the teacher is ok, the class responded in an appropriate, caring manner and your DSS helped deliver the card. The important thing is that the card got to the teacher and it did. Let's hope their children never have to experience the loss of a parent at a young age because by their standards their child couldn't expect to receive the understanding and support needed.

YANBU to want to post but personally I wouldn't. It's sad that your DSS has lost his mum, I hope he is ok with this incident.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/02/2016 18:48

I'd post on it saying :"yes, we're really grateful for the schools support and understanding since his mother died in a similar accident two years ago"

And then I'd leave it.

DoreenLethal · 26/02/2016 18:48

I would already have said 'unfortunately his mother can't respond because she is dead. But I'll respond in her place. Her accident was similar to Miss X's and the one hospital visit is helping him come to terms with her death. Not that any of this has anything to do with you, any of you. Hows about, if you have issues with my step son in future, please come and see me about it and I will put you straight on the topic'.

Creampastry · 26/02/2016 18:50

What a bunch of bitches, I'd go with Lauriecakes response.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2016 18:51

Fucking hell. What kind of messed up supposed grown ups nitpick of whether a child who has lost a parent is getting special treatment. I can only assume or hope she didn't know that he'd lost his mum maybe?
Hell yes he's getting special treatment. It would be good to think all children would if they were ever in a position to need it

edwinbear · 26/02/2016 18:53

I couldn't just leave it, I'd have to make them feel uncomfortable by posting something along the lines of what Laurie said. He is getting special treatment, which is as it should be under the circumstances.

KittyandTeal · 26/02/2016 18:54

I'd be tempted to post 'let's just hope your children are lucky enough to not need or be entitled this 'special' treatment' but then I'm bitter and very angry when it comes to people moaning about things like this.

The sensible newer would be to either ignore it or private message them all separately asking if the know why dss is treated a bit differently.

If it makes you feel better we have decided not to do Mother's Day cards at in class this year as one of our little ones lost his mum fairly recently and is already wobbling about Mother's Day (his dad does not have another partner/step mother in the picture yet). We all think this is entirely reasonable given the circumstances

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2016 18:55

Oh and the irony of them having a go as mums of his classmates when his own mum can't stand up for him. Sounds like he has you (and his dad i asume...or have you not told him?) which is great but do they not see the irony?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 26/02/2016 18:59

Hopefully it's because they don't know the reason but it's still an inappropriate way to speak about a child!

But don't sink to their level. Is there an admin of the page you can report the post to? Regardless of circumstances no adult should be that mean about a child!

Gazelda · 26/02/2016 19:05

Laurie's response is a good one.

But I'd also be alerting the school to this situation. If its a school-endorsed FB page then it shouldn't be used in this way.

And someone must be shit stirring or how else do people know that your DSS was absent on those painful anniversaries?

It sounds as though the school are being wonderfully supportive. And his classmates were thoughtful in deciding that he should be the one to take the card to the teacher. But someone, somewhere is stirring this up.

CombineBananaFister · 26/02/2016 19:08

Not that its any of their business but why do they think he gets this time off? I wouldn't want to stoop to their level but would have to post something so their bitching doesn't reach their own DCs ears and then they give him a hard time.

HeffalumpHistory · 26/02/2016 19:11

I want to advise don't stoop to their level but by the same token I'm not sure I could leave it if it was me.

Message the group privately (admin will pick it up?) and ask for the post to be removed, maybe explaining there why? Then when they want to know why it's been removed they can be told privately what knobends they are?

Or just publicly tell them to fuck right off. Shouldn't matter the reason really, grown women essentially picking on a kid. Cows!

EduCated · 26/02/2016 19:12

Take screenshots if you do intend to post, and certainly let the school know. Going on how considerate and supportive they sound, I can't imagine they will look kindly on Thai at all.

Badders123 · 26/02/2016 19:12

Jesus Christ.
What is wrong with some people!?
Please alert the school to this.
Let the HT deal with the bullies - because that's what they are.

Original poster

TrixieBlue2016 · 26/02/2016 19:18

Hi thanks for your responses. No I have no intention of telling him.

I would have thought every parent in his class knew as he was off for about 3 months during that time. I have been his SM since he was 3. DH and his DM spilt up when he was a baby. I met DM about a year after that. He has always referred to me by my name and I always introduce myself as ...'s SM in deference to his DM who I got on well with.

His DM didn't die immediately so there was some time at the hospital before her death.
That's why we were happy for him to go to the hospital to see that there can be positive outcomes to these types of accidents.

Another mum has commented to remind them of DSS's DM which hasn't had a response yet from the other mums who were talking about DSS. Hopefully they will stop. I want to say some thing but DH wants to leave it.

OP posts:

Osolea · 26/02/2016 19:18

I agree that Laurie's response is a good one, but if you used it you'd have to be really stong not to reply to any of the inevitable responses you'd get.

Overall, you have to be dignified about it. I can't believe that people can be so openly horrible and others just go along with it. Don't any of the mothers in your ds's class remember what happened?

blaeberry · 26/02/2016 19:19

I wouldn't respond to the post as I think it is totally inappropriate to discuss individual children in such a forum for any reason. I would however, do what EduCated suggested and take a screenshot to the school. Who looks after this page? Could you pm them?

Monkey533 · 26/02/2016 19:22

Who are these people who bitch about children on fb?

This exactly. I just can not believe grown ups would do this. Does the school have an online bullying policy? Maybe you could report them :)

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