To think this isn't special treatment

[TrixieBlue2016]

Sorry its a long one and a bit vague so not outing.

My DSS's teacher has had an accident and is in hospital with a broken leg and cuts and bruises but will be fine. 2 years ago DSS'S (10) DM died in a similar type of accident.

The school has been very good with DSS helping him through this. The Head called DH to tell him about the teacher so we were aware before DSS's class was told. DSS was told separately from the other kids as he was likely to be upset which he was. DSS really likes his teacher.

The class made cards for the teacher and the class decided that DSS would go with the head to afternoon visiting today to give them to teacher. DH was asked if this was ok on Wednesday. We felt this would help DSS with his fear of this type of accident and of hospitals.

DSS returned to school just before home time when I picked him up. Some of the other Mums already seemed to know why DSS was out with the Head some didn't. DSS has missed some school for special days associated with his DM like her birthday and the anniversary of the day she died although the school hasn't advertised this.

We have a school Facebook group for fundraising etc. One of the mums who didn't seem to know where DSS had been has posted on it. That DSS was getting special treatment and was sucking up to the Head and the teacher. There has been several mean comments along the lines of he is 'a special snowflake' getting extra days off etc.

Aibu to want to post something back as I don't think he is getting special treatment.

This has made me really fucking angry, actually.
I can NOT believe this fuckers who think that people who have suffered devastating life events (bereavement, disability, crippling accidents) are somehow being treated "specially" just for the sake of it.
Like all those who bitch about special disability cars and allowances - why in FUCK do they think THEY deserve that treatment when their own child is perfectly healthy? They'd really rather have a child with a severe enough disability to warrant one of these motability cars, just to get one, would they? No of course not! They're just selfish fuckers.
RAAAAHHR!

Horrible bitch. Your DH's response was perfect although not as satisfying as some others above.
Report to school, they need to be aware.

Next time you see Facebook Bitch, ignore, ignore, ignore. I would imagine this type of cow would be driven mad by anyone not paying her attention. If she had a shred of self respect she will apologise.
If not, plot revenge with MN friends.

I hope your DSS feels better soon. You both sound like great role models

Absolutely disgusting I would not have been so calm. I'm stunned actually. Wft is wrong with some people?

Your post really touched me, Trixie, as did most (really, almost all) of the responses on here.
But I also think, although not all schools are as great as your DSS's school CLEARLY is (and I hope they're classed as "outstanding" by OFSTED, because they really ARE outstanding to vulnerable children that need them - as demonstrated by your post!), I think many schools are similar. Maybe not as good. But I know several schools who would give a child 'special treatment' because they know xxx about the child's home life and oh-so-often in the playground or on social media the mums get together and natter, and see the special treatment, but don't know the reason for it, and consider it "unfair". Generally, the school never apologises and never explains (because to do so would "out" the child's private business). But - to all parents (although, not the more sensitive and understanding posters on this thread!)- the next time your school seems to 'favour' a child. Or a child doesn't get the reprimand for bad behaviour his/her actions has deserved, do please credit the school for cutting the kid some slack, because if they do this it's probably because they know about something going on in his or her homelife! (there was this kid a few years ago who was being fostered - temporarily, but it had gone on for quite a long time. The placement broke down and he had to move foster carers. He did some fighting on the playground during this period, and wasn't punished for it via the schools usual procedures. The parents of his 'victims' weren't happy. The school didn't tell them why they weren't giving sanctions to this kid, and they didn't give him their usual punishments).

That is really awful. I am so glad that others spoke up before you did. For the ringleader to keep on about it, she must have some nerve. What an ignorant, self-centred vile excuse for a human.
On the other hand, the school sounds amazing.

I liked both your dh suggested posts. He was very measured in using the second one. The school sounds amazing, what a thoughtful way to deal with your dss traumatic loss of his dm. The other mother sounds like a right cow.

If you noticed the going on to talk about Mother's Day, all the others will have too. She's just tightened her own noose around her neck.

I'm actually stunned that adults feel it's ok to talk negatively about someone else's child on social media, especially when that child's family are part of the group! Admin should delete the mother straightaway. And as for other parents apologising - ANY circumstances when a child has been selected over others doesn't deserve ANY public debate. You have a problem, go and discuss it with the school.

What a bitch! Good on your DH. The school will be very interested-please go and show them.

I missed the mothers day comments. That is just horrible I'm hoping you might be troll op how could anyone do that Definitely show the school. Our school used the newsletter to have a swipe at parents using fb in this way.

Your DH posted a very mature response

Treating children fairly doesn't mean treating them all the same. They weren't being UNfair to anyone, no one else lost out because of the things they did to support DSS. It would only be unfair if they didn't give the same consideration to another child in difficult circumstances.

Also vague posting so as not to out. At work a child who lost mum very tragically was acting up(non surprisingly) and another parent was all like 'yeah I know about the background story but she can't use that as an excuse forever'. I did really well not to act unprofessionally. God knows what's said about me on FB!

My Dh gave a fantastic answer!!

And yes I would let the sxhool know. Not the least because that sort of comments/insuniations are likely to tickle down to the children and you really want the supply teacher/the HT etc... to know about it

I would really struggle not hide rotten prawns in her garden!

I'm going to try really hard not to out myself here, but I run an extremely popular club after school which is run on school premises (immediately after school) . It has a long wait waiting list, and we admit pretty strictly on a first come first served basis. Parents need to put their dc on the waiting list early (around pre-school to get a place)

Last year i was approached confidentially by school management asking if I would consider taking this little girl who had an extremely chaotic home life, and was on the at risk register. School, and the girl's SW, thought it would be a good activity for her and to have another significant adult in her life (our activity is good for building good self esteem and we build good relationships with our members)

She obviously wasn't on the waiting list, but I never hesitated.

I took a LOT of flak as it was seen as "special treatment" for a lazy parent who couldn't be arsed to put her name down.
It was all over the school FB page, and it took a lot of self restraint for me to not respond, but I'm glad I didn't.

Well done to your DSSs school for great pastoral care, and just remember you have to account for stupid on FB.

Great response from your DH. I think that response was necessary if only to give the school credit for thoughtfulness.

It is disgusting that people would use a fb page to talk about children.