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AIBU?

Children (not) saying thankyou.

64 replies

ItIsHowItIsx · 31/12/2015 14:41

Yesterday we took ds's 10 y.o. friend with us swimming (spa pool so not cheap), we had dinner in the restaurant and he stayed the night. After breakfast this morning ds walked home with him. If I hadn't stopped him at the door he wouldn't even have said goodbye and I didn't once hear a thank you from him. Is this normal for 10 y.o. or bad manners? I make a point of talking to my kids about pleases and thankyous. Would be mortified if I found out they don't say thank you when they spend time with another family.

OP posts:

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catfordbetty · 31/12/2015 14:42

Is this normal for 10 y.o. or bad manners?

Both.

ItIsHowItIsx · 31/12/2015 14:47

Thanks Catfordb..

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/12/2015 15:18

I'd be beyond bloody mortified. How very rude. He's 10 not a baby. Surley he should be aware of basic manners.

Varya · 31/12/2015 15:19

How rude!

AnnaMarlowe · 31/12/2015 15:20

Bad manners. Regardless of age.

mrsfuzzy · 31/12/2015 15:23

seems to be uncool in some circles to have basic manners. did the parents thank you op ?

Biscuitsneeded · 31/12/2015 15:24

My DS1 is 10 and says thank you. DS2, who is 8, is pretty good but sometimes needs a prompt. But other parents seem genuinely amazed that they doand are always telling me what polite boys they are. And DS1 has some friends who do, and others who are perfectly nice kids with lovely parents who just don't. I guess it's partly good training, but also just a developmental thing - I think it doesn't occur to all of them at this age that anyone has spent any money or put themself out in any way. If he was polite and agreeable while he was with you then I wouldn't take a absence of thanks as bad manners at this age. But by 12/13 I would!

LittleCandle · 31/12/2015 15:24

He wouldn't be coming back to my house again! He's bad mannered.

catsofa · 31/12/2015 15:26

Bad manners for me.

Biscuitsneeded · 31/12/2015 15:27

Actually I have noticed that the kids who don't say thank you often have parents who are very lovely, thoughtful, kind people and are very relaxed with their kids. I am a bit of a dragon (my DSs would say so anyway!) and I don't think I am a better parent than my very laid-back and loving friends. Am sure their kids will grow up into lovely people like their parents.

mudandmayhem01 · 31/12/2015 15:30

My boy is 10 and quite shy, I have seen him say thank you at the end of a party and the adult he thanked quietly has ignored him or just carried on talking to another adult. I can then see him looking awkward and wondering if he should try again!

YakTriangle · 31/12/2015 15:33

My 14yo DS's friends wouldn't say bye when they leave if I didn't walk to the door to make sure they close it properly. They'd just run downstairs and bugger off. Pretty normal I assume. I hope DS says goodbye when he leaves their houses but I bet he doesn't.

usual · 31/12/2015 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usual · 31/12/2015 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaitlinktm · 31/12/2015 15:35

I was often told off for not saying thank you as a child when I had done so but hadn't been heard. When I protested I was told I should speak up - I thought I was! I remember the awkwardness I felt when I knew someone wasn't paying attention/hadn't heard and I had to gear myself up to try again.

honkinghaddock · 31/12/2015 15:37

As long as he behaved himself during the visit, not inviting him again is a bit of an over reaction.

YakTriangle · 31/12/2015 15:42

I much prefer it when kids have nice manners and say please, thank you, goodbye when they leave etc... But I wouldn't ban anyone from the house for not doing it.

ItIsHowItIsx · 31/12/2015 15:47

Thank you for all your replies . It's up to ds if he comes again, I won't ban him. He is no problem to have around. I just don't know if I am a bit of a 'dragon' like Biscuits or if I expect too much. I've realised that we are much stricter than a lot of other parents with many things. I'm also not in the UK, so it could be a cultural thing. While I am on here - does mainstream, daytime UK radio play songs with the word f* in it?

OP posts:

Sianilaa · 31/12/2015 15:47

I'm in two minds about this - while yes, of course it was bad manners, some children need a bit of reminding.

I'm a stickler for getting my kids to say please and thank you and they're mostly pretty good at it now at almost 8 and 6. But occasionally I need to prompt them. I'd be mortified if they forgot to say thank you for having me to a friend's family but equally I do know that sometimes they just forget.
My friends are the same, sticklers for manners and would be mortified to know their children hadn't said please or thank you to me but they didn't... I just take it as a little lapse and know that they are usually good mannered.

But I would also thank someone for having my children regardless so hopefully his parents have said it to you even if he forgot!

Sianilaa · 31/12/2015 15:48

And no the radio would remove any swearing!

medalsforeveryone · 31/12/2015 15:49

Kids at that age get lazy with manners. No excuse and a stern ticking off is in order when they lapse though.

sleeponeday · 31/12/2015 15:53

Honestly, I'm pretty appalled by how rudely most kids behave in that context.

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Micah · 31/12/2015 15:54

It depends. I always found it very awkward as a child to talk to adults, even just to say thank you.

If the child is generally well behaved and a pleasure to look after, i let it go.

Did the parent thank you though? I know dc1 in particular has a similar difficulty talking to adults, so i will always try to thank the parents myself.

DinosaursRoar · 31/12/2015 15:55

it's rude.

Mind you, I was at a party the other day for a load of 6 year olds and one of the dads made a point of saying that he and his wife had commented on my DC1's lovely manners, as of all the children they'd had over for a playdate from the class, he was the only one who said "thankyou for having me" to them and "thank you for sharing your toys" to their DS. I just thought it was normal to say thank you, most of my close friends' DCs say thank you when they leave, I hadn't really noticed that the playdates from school hadn't been. (although will make a note now!).

I guess not all parents are as strict keen to encourage saying thank you as I am.

wigglesrock · 31/12/2015 15:58

My 10 year old had a friend round yesterday, I dropped them both into town, picked them up, had them back to my house for a bit then dropped her home. I'm not sure if she specifically said thank you when leaving but she said thank you when I left out some food, wasn't any bother at all and her mum sent me a text later in the evening.

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