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AIBU?

Children (not) saying thankyou.

64 replies

ItIsHowItIsx · 31/12/2015 14:41

Yesterday we took ds's 10 y.o. friend with us swimming (spa pool so not cheap), we had dinner in the restaurant and he stayed the night. After breakfast this morning ds walked home with him. If I hadn't stopped him at the door he wouldn't even have said goodbye and I didn't once hear a thank you from him. Is this normal for 10 y.o. or bad manners? I make a point of talking to my kids about pleases and thankyous. Would be mortified if I found out they don't say thank you when they spend time with another family.

OP posts:

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moopymoodle · 31/12/2015 16:56

My friends kids never say thankyou fir anything, drives me mad.

My children are very young so I often have to remind them (3 and 6) although the eldest has just about cracked it.

Tbh it annoys me more when parents don't prompt them, especially parents of older kids!

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usual · 31/12/2015 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 31/12/2015 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thelaundryfairy · 31/12/2015 17:10

If he was polite to you during his visit, then I think he was probably a bit shy, hence the not coming to say goodbye. However, he could have said thank you when you saw him before he left.

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Narp · 31/12/2015 17:13

I agree with usual

I appreciate a thank you. It makes me think better of that child. I don't think too much of it if there isn't one , assuming the child has been polite during the visit. OTOH I have encountered children who are great parent-pleasers but not totally full of the milk of human kindness when it comes to their interactions with friends

I would expect my children to say Thankyou and would be annoyed with them if they forgot, but I could not guarantee it

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mrsmugoo · 31/12/2015 17:14

Bad manners.

My toddler says please and thank you!

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Narp · 31/12/2015 17:16

I see Zhabr has also mentioned children who know how to please adults

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Micah · 31/12/2015 17:22

I had it drummed into me to say please and thank you.

To the point Id spend the whole visit anxiously trying to find an appropriate point at which to say it. in the end i started just not going to sleepovers and places unless i knew the parents well and that they just liked having me round, rather than basing their opinion of me on manners.

Consequently id be more relaxed and saying thank you came naturally.

In hindsight id have hated to be one if my own friends, knowing my mum was watching and judging whether they used the right knife, sat the right way at the table, and had the appropriate manners to be invited round again.

So i apply the same rules. If the kid is nice and good company, and i like having them over, thank you is nice, but not a must.

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PrimeDirective · 31/12/2015 17:23

Shyness, awkwardness, forgetfulness - all things that can leave an otherwise polite and well behaved 10-year-old, not saying thank you.
Sometimes these things are easier for toddlers - life is less complicated when you are 3.

If his behaviour was good throughout, then that is the most important thing. Of course a thank you would be appreciated, but I wouldn't stress over him needing a prompt.

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LalaLyra · 31/12/2015 17:29

Could it be that he thanked your DS?

A friend and I had a chuckle recently as we overheard her DS thanking mine for the day our we'd had, and mine thanking hers for having him to stay over after it. Like the two 9-year-olds had done all the organising/paying etc. They just didn't think and got caught up in each other.

I'd rather deal with a polite child who forgot to say thank you, than an annoying one who remembered to parrot "Thanks" on their way out of the door.

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LalaLyra · 31/12/2015 17:30

*day out

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StrumpersPlunkett · 31/12/2015 17:36

TBH I think I am probably a bit of a dragon.
The same rules apply to guests in this household, so if I don't get please and thank you's they don't get.
"I want a drink"
"Do you mean please may I have a drink?"
I don't worry about reminding people. Kids forget and so I remind them
if we had been on a day out as the OP described I wouldn't have let it get to the end of the day without a please or thank you.

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gubbygubby · 31/12/2015 17:49

My 46 year old brother left my house on Boxing Day after spending the day with us without saying goodbye to me or thankyou.
He turned up late and brought no wine or anything. His wife did say goodbye.

We spent lots on a lovely meal. Provided all the wine and lovely puddings.
He does this every year .
I hid

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gubbygubby · 31/12/2015 17:50

His my nice wine from him as he always drinks my posh wine and never ever brings any . He is a tight twat.