Children (not) saying thankyou.

[ItIsHowItIsx]

Yesterday we took ds's 10 y.o. friend with us swimming (spa pool so not cheap), we had dinner in the restaurant and he stayed the night. After breakfast this morning ds walked home with him. If I hadn't stopped him at the door he wouldn't even have said goodbye and I didn't once hear a thank you from him. Is this normal for 10 y.o. or bad manners? I make a point of talking to my kids about pleases and thankyous. Would be mortified if I found out they don't say thank you when they spend time with another family.

[gubbygubby]

His my nice wine from him as he always drinks my posh wine and never ever brings any . He is a tight twat.

[gubbygubby]

My 46 year old brother left my house on Boxing Day after spending the day with us without saying goodbye to me or thankyou.
He turned up late and brought no wine or anything. His wife did say goodbye.

We spent lots on a lovely meal. Provided all the wine and lovely puddings.
He does this every year .
I hid

[StrumpersPlunkett]

TBH I think I am probably a bit of a dragon.
The same rules apply to guests in this household, so if I don't get please and thank you's they don't get.
"I want a drink"
"Do you mean please may I have a drink?"
I don't worry about reminding people. Kids forget and so I remind them
if we had been on a day out as the OP described I wouldn't have let it get to the end of the day without a please or thank you.

[LalaLyra]

*day out

[LalaLyra]

Could it be that he thanked your DS?

A friend and I had a chuckle recently as we overheard her DS thanking mine for the day our we'd had, and mine thanking hers for having him to stay over after it. Like the two 9-year-olds had done all the organising/paying etc. They just didn't think and got caught up in each other.

I'd rather deal with a polite child who forgot to say thank you, than an annoying one who remembered to parrot "Thanks" on their way out of the door.

[PrimeDirective]

Shyness, awkwardness, forgetfulness - all things that can leave an otherwise polite and well behaved 10-year-old, not saying thank you.
Sometimes these things are easier for toddlers - life is less complicated when you are 3.

If his behaviour was good throughout, then that is the most important thing. Of course a thank you would be appreciated, but I wouldn't stress over him needing a prompt.

[Micah]

I had it drummed into me to say please and thank you.

To the point Id spend the whole visit anxiously trying to find an appropriate point at which to say it. in the end i started just not going to sleepovers and places unless i knew the parents well and that they just liked having me round, rather than basing their opinion of me on manners.

Consequently id be more relaxed and saying thank you came naturally.

In hindsight id have hated to be one if my own friends, knowing my mum was watching and judging whether they used the right knife, sat the right way at the table, and had the appropriate manners to be invited round again.

So i apply the same rules. If the kid is nice and good company, and i like having them over, thank you is nice, but not a must.

[Narp]

I see Zhabr has also mentioned children who know how to please adults

[mrsmugoo]

Bad manners.

My toddler says please and thank you!

[Narp]

I agree with usual

I appreciate a thank you. It makes me think better of that child. I don't think too much of it if there isn't one , assuming the child has been polite during the visit. OTOH I have encountered children who are great parent-pleasers but not totally full of the milk of human kindness when it comes to their interactions with friends

I would expect my children to say Thankyou and would be annoyed with them if they forgot, but I could not guarantee it

[thelaundryfairy]

If he was polite to you during his visit, then I think he was probably a bit shy, hence the not coming to say goodbye. However, he could have said thank you when you saw him before he left.

[moopymoodle]

My friends kids never say thankyou fir anything, drives me mad.

My children are very young so I often have to remind them (3 and 6) although the eldest has just about cracked it.

Tbh it annoys me more when parents don't prompt them, especially parents of older kids!

[AndNowItsSeven]

My children's friends regularly come on days out and sleepover. They are just treated as one of the family I wouldn't expect thanks.

[Georgeofthejungle]

My OH's family never see please and thank you to each other - including his 3 and 5 yo nephews. Really grinds me! I will be enduring my little one is well mannered when the time comes.

[aoife24]

My 18-year-old nephew didn't acknowledge £350 I gave him for his birthday. At that age he should know better and there will be no more of that from me.

[anotherbusymum14]

I'm not surprised. The kid could've been tired from sleepover or shy and just ready to get home. Sounds like a busy 12 hours or so. I agree that although Id like a thanks, I'm not going to expect it.
Some kids say thanks and just say the words (as they've been taught or made to say it). I'd rather hear a genuine thanks from the heart of the individual than a practiced half-hearted thanks. Just my opinion :)

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Is he shy? I was v painfully shy as a child and it would take me ages to work up the courage/find a quiet moment to say thank you to my friend's mum when I went to play/dinner.

[KERALA1]

Help in my dds class of 6 year olds and really noticeable the ones that say thank you. And often it isn't the ones you would expect either. Definitely worse manners from the middle class boden contingent's kids -

[littleleftie]

I did ban one of DDs friends when she was about 13, as she never said Thank You. I would overlook a single instance, but if it's all the time it would really annoy me.

Luckily for me it's only ever been the one friend that has been like that.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

I'm frustrated that my ds does the same thing. I say thank you a lot so it's not him going by example. I'm not sure why he doesn't, and he's ten too. I guess I haven't reinforced it enough. I'm not good at "preparing" him beforehand, maybe that's it, i.e. reminding him beforehand to say thank you to the neighbor whose house he is about to visit, etc. He does say thank you, especially for gifts, just not all the time, at appropriate times...I would like suggestions on how to fix this myself. There are a couple of children we know who have impeccable manners and I so admire that. I think maybe they were reinforced a lot when they were young, perhaps.

[Joolsy]

I don't like it when kids don't have manners - I've noticed alot with DD2's friends - there's alot of "I want....". I always say, would you like to ask properly please? And they know exactly what I mean! It tends to be the ones that I know well, their manners tend to slip as they get more comfortable.

However, you said in your OP that the spa day was expensive - that's pretty irrelevant. The child in question wouldn't know whether it cost alot or not.

[Sallyingforth]

I wouldn't want them to say Thankyou.
But I'd like them to say Thank You.




OK, I'll piss off.

[budgiegirl]

I think that some children just forget, no matter how they have been brought up. As long as they are polite and respectful when they are visiting, I don't have too much of a problem if they forget to say goodbye or thank you.

I've taught my children to say 'thank you' after visiting a friend, or being given a lift. But at 10, I'm sure there were occasions when they forgot. Now they are teens, I'm fairly confident that they remember every time.