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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder about other generations

82 replies

blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 11:37

MIL (we aren't married but you know!) is staying.

She is in her fifties so not old yet is constantly complaining about how much we shower and wash our hair (once a day.)

She showers and washes her hair once a week.

She uses a washing up bowl, a flannel and soap on other days.

WHY? She isn't unwell, by the way.

OP posts:
rageagainsttheBIL · 28/12/2015 11:38

I don't think there's anything wrong with either method tbh. What exactly does she complain about? Does she just think it unnecessary?

rageagainsttheBIL · 28/12/2015 11:39

Oh and I don't think it's generational either. My parents probably shower more than we do...

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 28/12/2015 11:40

a washing up bowl!!!!!! - that's what people in their 80's and 90's used to do, not someone in their 50's!!!!!!!

Everyone should shower daily.

Hope that helps !!!!

Postitblue · 28/12/2015 11:41

I recon defo a generational thing- tell her you pay a set rate for your water so don't feel the need to restrict the amount you use. Personally I think showering once a week is a bit soapy but if she's not active / building up a sweat then her choice. I would feel like my skin was crawling with just a flannel wash for that amount of time Wink

Original poster
blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 11:41

Yes, she just thinks it's unnessecary although the fuss she makes about it is unbelievable, but I suppose it just mystifies me a bit.

A bowl,mflannel and soap means you can't rinse the soap off properly and that can't be good for your skin, especially in delicate areas, and it's so much faff and extra work than jumping in the shower!

OP posts:
cleaty · 28/12/2015 11:42

I am in my 50's and shower every two days. The other day I use a flannel to wash my armpits.

Chopchopbusybusy · 28/12/2015 11:42

Nothing to do with generations. I'm in my 50s and shower every day. Wash my hair most days. DH is nearly in his 60s. Showers in the morning before work and comes home to a bath each day. Personally I think that's excessive - but I hate baths anyway.

theycallmemellojello · 28/12/2015 11:42

Agree that it's personal preference. The flannel method is less common now more people have showers. She is bu to judge.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2015 11:44

Because many of us in that age group grew up in houses where there was no central heating so the immersion heater was put on for Bath Nights (e.g. Sunday) and the rest of the week it was strip washes.
It was expensive to use the immersion.

We had clean clothes every day though and my mum spent her days knee deep in washing with an old boiler tub and a spin dryer.

Perhaps your mother in law thinks all the showering nod hair washing is excessive and energy wasteful?

If she doesn't smell or never changes her clothes then it's fine.

She should constantly complain about what you do though - is she an Eco Warrior?

AuntieStella · 28/12/2015 11:45

Do remember that there are MNetters in their 50s!

Yes, back in the 1960/70s people did not have a bath daily, and not every house had a shower. Washing was done at the sink with a flannel (so people weren't smelly unless they were slobs), and it's perfectly possible to rinse properly. Hair was washed when dirty, also over a sink.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2015 11:45

shouldnt constantly complain!

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2015 11:47

And yes, I was about 20 (30 plus years ago) before I lived in a house that had a shower!

TinyMonkey · 28/12/2015 11:49

Erm, my parents are in their eighties and both shower every day.

It's a personal thing, not a generational thing.

Original poster
blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 11:50

Do you know she is so far the opposite of an eco warrior! But I think she just likes lecturing us on how wrong we are and how right she is.

She definitely has a bee in her bonnet about soap and flannels though.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 28/12/2015 11:51

Im near your mils age so that generation i shower regularily maybe she is just stingy frugal with her water and electric showering everyday generates washing and uses electric and water perhaps a daily wash is what she is happy with let her moan and ignore her

UndramaticPause · 28/12/2015 11:53

It's a personal thing. My parents are in their 60s and shower/bathe daily. I'm the same and can't understand why anyone wouldn't so think dh is a dirty minger for showering alternate days

Original poster
blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 11:55

She has one day off s week and spends it having a shower, washing drying and straightening her hair.

I just don't think she can fathom how I do it daily.

OP posts:
Postitblue · 28/12/2015 11:56

Actually yes scratch my generational comment- my parents are 60+ and defo shower daily. Rather than generational maybe it was her circumstances growing up and it's an ingrained habit. Apologies for offending any 50+ MNersFlowers

cleaty · 28/12/2015 11:58

I used to shower daily and had constant problems with dry skin. Showering every two days has got rid of that. Unless you are sweating lots, there is no need to shower every day.

absolutelynotfabulous · 28/12/2015 12:02

I'm mid 50s and shower every day, although I don't necessarily wash hair.

Back in the day, we didn't have a shower and baths and hair wash were restricted to twice a week. Showers are easier, but I'm guessing that your relative is either stuck in her habits, or genuinely thinks a shower a day is unnecessary. Each to his own..

MrsJayy · 28/12/2015 12:02

My skin goes the same so i shower every 2 days im trying to tell dd that her showering sometimes 2 a day might be causing her dry skin but she is having none of it

Birdsgottafly · 28/12/2015 12:05

I live on a housing estate, many people haven't had the money to put in showers and they don't come as standard in C/HA houses.

I'm 47, we didn't have inside toilets when I was very young, they were added in the 70's.

Everyone had a bath and hair wash once a week and a 'wash down' everyday. Girls hair was put in rags, or plaited, nightly.

I bath at least every morning and wash my hair every two days.

Everyone I know of my age, has daily bath/showers.

This is a personal thing of your MIL.

Either way, you are adults, she shouldn't be telling you how to live.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2015 12:10

Yep, eczema sufferer here and I shower alternate days.

I don't smell and I daily change underwear and any layers next to the skin.

I only wash my hair 2-3 times a week because it's quite dry and I don't put sticky products or sprays on it.

I do worry about energy wastage actually and wonder how the 2-Showers-A-Day people will manage when the inevitable happens and they start rationing power supplies

UndramaticPause · 28/12/2015 12:12

I'm in the unfortunate position of having dehydrated skin and hyperhidrosis. Go figure.

I wash daily to stop myself from smelling. I also wash my hair daily because I hate the feel of a dirty head.

Birdsgottafly · 28/12/2015 12:15

On a side note, it's always depressing to be reminded of how some view the 49+.

Mentally I'm the same, but wiser, than I was at any age and physically I'm fitter than I was in my late 20's/30's and happier because in not ttc and/or sleep deprived etc. Being a daily gym goer helps, as well.
I view myself as having 28 years working life left and constantly plan new hobbies, learning languages etc.

I know no-one that haven't 'aged' in the way older women are described in here, until they're over 80.