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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder about other generations

82 replies

blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 11:37

MIL (we aren't married but you know!) is staying.

She is in her fifties so not old yet is constantly complaining about how much we shower and wash our hair (once a day.)

She showers and washes her hair once a week.

She uses a washing up bowl, a flannel and soap on other days.

WHY? She isn't unwell, by the way.

OP posts:

Potatoface2 · 28/12/2015 13:01

the flannel and soap thing is what is done in hospitals to people to ill to get in the shower....and if your boiler isnt working!....nowadays you can jump in the shower and have a quickie 1 minute freshen up all over which is far quicker than a soap and flannel wash down...doesnt use much water either...my daughter can stand in the shower for ages, whereas im in out and dressed in less than 10 minutes...i do this twice a day (have to keep fresh in my job)...each to there own i suppose but i have looked after older people who think its okay to not wash for days and refuse washing even though they obviously need to...people have funny ways about them dont they !

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/12/2015 13:03

DH calls the basin of water and flannel a "pensioner's wash."

BoboChic · 28/12/2015 13:05

My father is nearly 83 and has a bath every morning and a shower every evening.

Alicewasinwonderland · 28/12/2015 13:06

Agree with most of the above, nothing to do with generations, it must be about her own circumstances.

I don't know anyone who didn't have a bathroom in the 60/70s and doesn't wash everyday. It's not THAT long ago. It doesn't mean everybody had one, but baths and showers were not a luxury back then.

PrimeDirective · 28/12/2015 13:10

Everyone should shower daily
In your opinion!
If that works for you, then that's fine for you.
It doesn't work for everyone and it is a nonsense to suggest that it is necessary for everyone.
People need to keep clean - it's up to them how they choose to do that.

RudeElf · 28/12/2015 13:11

My parents are in their 60's and shower daily. My nama is 87 and baths daily. Full bath. Not a strip wash. It isnt generational. Personally i feel grim if i havent showered by 11am. My day cant start until ive showered and dressed. I might go a day between washing hair but i dont like doing it.

ninared · 28/12/2015 13:17

sorry not sorry but she is making excuses for being not so clean This is nothing to do with generation!

when I first married we had one of those cheap rubber shower heads plugged into bath taps as we had no shower and a fairly cold house - didn't kill me and DH to squat in the bath holding the shower head above to have a good wash in the morning very early every day before heading for the train to the city and had a bath (sometimes very shallow and no that warm brrrrrrr) every night - not a lot of money, or hot water or luxuries but still in bath or kind of shower twice a day

There is no excuse for not being clean and you should not be feeling guilty for showering.

IMHO shame on her for still flannel washing In this day and age. Her problem really

. Pretty gross like my mother in law who is of the same ilk - you can smell her skanky smell because she believes it is old school not to wash - I think this is an excuse to be a lazy ba*tch with a stinky fanny.

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 28/12/2015 13:23

She uses a washing up bowl

I bet she does this to save money and is proud of not putting the hot water on.
Some people have a weird puritanical/moralising when it comes to normal things like a daily shower.
I know a couple of people who do this-in their late 80s not 50s.

She sounds tedious btw

Original poster

blueriverlavenderfield · 28/12/2015 13:39

To be fair, she doesn't smell. The washing up bowl, soap and flannel must be effective if nothing else

OP posts:

mixedpeel · 28/12/2015 13:44

We humans are not self-cleaning, hence we need to do some form of washing daily. Ever seen how much time other animals spend grooming? It's gotta be done, and luckily for us most of us now have showers so it can be done quickly and in comfort.

The lecturing thing your MIL does. My dad does this too. To some extent I think this is ageism from the other direction. He wouldn't speak like this to his friends. It's as though he can't accept we are adults making our own choices about how we live.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/12/2015 13:45

I'm 45 in February, we moved to a house with a shower when I was 7. For as long as I can remember we had showers every other day. Once I was a teen I had a shower and washed my hair every morning and haven't stopped yet.

PILs are late 70s and my parents are early 70s, they all shower daily. My Gran died at 88, 6 years ago, and bathed daily for the last 25+ years of her life.

I couldn't be arsed faffing about with a washing up bowl and flannel.

Lightbulbon · 28/12/2015 16:17

We had no shower til I was 12 so it was a weekly (immersion) bath before that. That habit's stuck for me.

I honestly don't know how people have the time to wash & dry hair etc so often! It takes me 2 hours and that's not including hair drying!

maggiethemagpie · 28/12/2015 16:56

I'm in my late 30s and shower every two days, unless it is particularly hot or I've been particularly exercising. Nowt wrong with that!

Indantherene · 28/12/2015 17:28

I'm in my 50s and wash at the sink every day. It's a perfectly adequate way to keep clean and I don't smell. I wash my hair every other day.

My DM is in her 70s and showers or has a bath every day. We are on a meter. She isn't.

We didn't even have a shower until I was 40 and since then we seem to live in houses where they are out of action more than in use. I don't like the getting dry part and find that takes longer than the actual shower.

Unless somebody really smells unpleasant then I can't see that it matters to anyone else.

I do believe though that every house should have a water meter so that people pay for what they are using.

carabos · 28/12/2015 17:36

I'm 52 and grew up in a house with both bath and shower rooms. We bathed or showered every day and still do. It's nothing to do with age.

glamorousgrandmother · 28/12/2015 17:51

I am 60. When I was growing up we had a bathroom (before I was about 5 there was a bath in the kitchen -plumbed in bath but in the kitchen) but didn't bath every day. I don't know why, maybe it was the cost or the fact that my parents grew up without bathrooms. As a 20 something I lived in grotty bedsits so usually had to wash with a bowl of water and a flannel (this was the mid 70s). In one place the hot water heater took so long to run a bath the water was cold by the time you got in, sometimes I went to a friend's flat to bathe.

However, I can't imagine why anyone would find this preferable to a daily shower. Ever since I have had the facilities I have showered daily although I don't wash my hair every day as it seems unnecessary, every 2 or 3 days seems enough.

RudeElf · 28/12/2015 17:55

It takes me 2 hours and that's not including hair drying!

2 hours to do what?

I shower, wash hair, dress, do teeth, do make-up and dry and straighten hair in 45 minutes. What are you doing for 2 hours?

RudeElf · 28/12/2015 17:58

I don't like the getting dry part and find that takes longer than the actual shower.

You're using a towel to dry, right? it takes 10 seconds for me to dry of with a towel.

ClaraLane · 28/12/2015 17:59

I'm in my mid twenties and only shower every two days. The other days I wash under my arms with soap and water because that's what I was taught to do growing up.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 17:59

Well I am almost the same age as your MIL and I think strip washing from a bowl is weird and horrible and I don't understand why anyone who has easy access to hot running water would choose to do this. But it seems that plenty of people do - especially older people.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 18:00

I also find that strip washing is messier and more of a faff than just getting in the shower.

EmilyAlice · 28/12/2015 18:04

I am in my mid-sixties and have had a bath or shower every day of my life. I grew up in a house with an outside toilet and no bathroom, but we all had a bath every day in a tin bath filled by a hose from the gas water heater, then emptied outside. This included my grandmother, born 1883, my parents born 1910, my sister born 1939 and me.
So the generational concept is utter bollocks.

miakulpa · 28/12/2015 18:08

It just seems odd if it's easy to have a shower. I'm 50, shower in the morning plus wash hair, bath at night, showered/bathed twice a day as long as I can remember. We might not have had a shower/central heating when I was very small but I'm pretty sure I still had a bath every day.

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 18:22

"It takes me 2 hours and that's not including hair drying!"

What do you do that takes so long?

A non hair wash shower takes me just a few minutes. One with a hair wash takes about 10 minutes, plus drying.

Indantherene · 28/12/2015 19:39

RudeElf I'm not you.

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