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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So apparently I am "hogging" the baby

86 replies

BooAvenue · 25/12/2015 13:03

Xmas Hmm

I have DS 7mo and DD5 and we are at MILs for Christmas.

MIL has just taken DH to one side and told him to ask me "not to hog the baby". I assume this is in reference to the fact I asked to have him back and took him upstairs quietly for a feed after she had held him virtually non stop since 8am. It's nice that she wants to be involved but she makes it into some sort of competition as to who can hang onto him the longest Sad.

He's quite a fussy baby and when he starts grizzling I think he just wants a cuddle with his mum but I have to virtually wrestle him off her.

DH has already told her that I'm not "hogging the baby" I'm just being a mum in no uncertain terms but AIBU to ask him to tell her to back off?

Any tips for coping?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/12/2015 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrandNewAndImproved · 25/12/2015 13:06

I'd get pissed and let her get on with it.

When your a granny/nanny I expect you'll want to squeeze as many baby cuddles as you can into a day as well.

Wolfiefan · 25/12/2015 13:07

Hog away. Then send him to her for 7 years when he hits teenagerhood!!
Xmas Wink

blatantplacemark · 25/12/2015 13:08

Gosh give her a break! You get to cuddle the baby all the time, let her have as many cuddles as she fancies. She'll soon pass him back when he starts full on howling

I never really understand all this, it really is a non issue. Enjoy the break and don't create waves where there are none

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 25/12/2015 13:08

Tell her he's your baby. You had to make him, you had to carry him for 9 months and you had to heave the bugger out of your poor vagina.

If you want to cuddle your baby then do it. MiL can hug a cat or a cushion or something.

3sugarsplease · 25/12/2015 13:09

What kingjoffrey said.

He's your baby... Hog Away!

jorahmormont · 25/12/2015 13:09

YANBU to ask him to tell her to fuck off back off.

LovelyBranches · 25/12/2015 13:14

My MIL hogs the baby and covers him with her perfume. He's now 14 months and runs away from her. She thinks he's being cute but he is openly affectionate with everyone else. She's just too desperate for him to hug her. I'm sending my sympathies.

JT05 · 25/12/2015 13:25

Get him to sleep, then give him to her to hold. She'll be stuck on the sofa with him for a couple of hours. Take yourself off somewhere for quiet time!

holeinmyheart · 25/12/2015 13:28

Mmm the old MIL/ DIL tug of love. As you have a son OP you will find yourself in this position yourself one day, and the best of luck. It can be a very uneasy and difficult relationship to get right, ON BOTH SIDES. ( there are loads of threads on Mumnet that testify to the difficulties)

If you don't see your MIL very often than give her a break. You never know, in the future, if you got sick, you may need her good will.

She loves your babies as they are partly her flesh and blood. You and her have just been thrust together because of circumstances. You need to tolerate each other for the greater good, that is called family.

Also it is Christmas the season of good will.
She wants to cuddle your baby...........what a criminal.

thelouise · 25/12/2015 13:30

You are both being ridiculous.

lostinmiddlemarch · 25/12/2015 13:32

She sounds (a) pathetically desperate to have the baby (b) a foolish woman with no sense of boundaries or what's appropriate.

I would go to her and say pleasantly, 'If you have something to say to me, say it to me and don't bring my DH into it. I'm very happy for you to enjoy your role but I'm his mum and that doesn't stop just because it's Christmas day. If he needs a quiet room to have a feed, I'll see that he gets it. If you want to second-guess my parenting, do it to my face but you'll find it won't get you very far. Let's have no more of this and get on with the day together'.

YellowDinosaur · 25/12/2015 13:33

Tell her he's your baby. You had to make him, you had to carry him for 9 months and you had to heave the bugger out of your poor vagina

If you want to cuddle your baby then do it. MiL can hug a cat or a cushion or something

^ this

And I say this as a mum of boys. I don't anticipate many mil/dil clashes though because I wouldn't behave like such a twat

howtorebuild · 25/12/2015 13:33

She is projecting then. Go for a sleep mn and watch a video leave her to the cooking and caring for the baby.

reallybadidea · 25/12/2015 13:38

It can be a very uneasy and difficult relationship to get right

If you say things like 'don't hog the baby' to your dil, via your son, this will not help.

Inertia · 25/12/2015 13:46

Because your baby is obviously a commodity that others have rights over, rather than a living baby with needs (such as the need to be fed). Therefore he should be shared as directed by your Mil with instructions about not hogging him. Best make sure you don't hog the telly or the potatoes while you're at it.

Honestly OP, just do what your baby needs. And ignore all the screeching about mothers-of-sons-it'll-come-back-to-haunt-you.

HopeClearwater · 25/12/2015 13:50

'Hog the baby' - my god the woman is mad.

Your baby, do what you like.

Whoever up thread mentioned the MIL's perfume - you're so right!

Fourfifthsof · 25/12/2015 14:07

My ILs are like this... Which is strange really as they are constantly slagging off my SIL for the opposite. Can't please some people...

YANBU - DS is your baby. Cuddle him as much as you like.

Hatethis22 · 25/12/2015 14:08

You sound like you're coping fine! You've let her hold him most of the time from 8am. Keep taking him up to feed. Remember that you won't be in the same house as her for too long and you'll get peace again soon.

I can't offer advice on how to not find her behaviour annoying.

JustAnotherOP · 25/12/2015 14:09

Why can't you enjoy the break? If he needs feeding then by all means do so but it's just one day so let her get on with it. Unless of course there is a massive back story and she's over bearing I see no harm in letting her 'hog' ds for today.

WorraLiberty · 25/12/2015 14:10

Grab an arm and a leg each and pull him like a Christmas cracker.

Whoever wins, gets a hat too.

Xmas Grin
lostinmiddlemarch · 25/12/2015 14:13

justanother Because perhaps she (a) doesn't want a break and doesn't have to want a break from such a precious responsibility and (b) is concerned that her baby feeds well and goes down for naps so he is settled and (c) doesn't like having completely unfair and rather bullying barbs delivered via her husband on Christmas Day?

Just a guess.

BurningBridges · 25/12/2015 14:15

FFS he's not a remote control who the hell does she think she's talking about?! How would it sound if she'd said "tell Boo to stop hogging her own baby" ? puts it into context eh? She's just being annoying OP, try to ignore her and do what you want.

TheEagle · 25/12/2015 14:20

I know this question is trotted out as the panacea for everything baby-related but have you got a sling?

I used to put DS1 in the sling a lot so ILs couldn't jiggle him about when he was tired/fussy.

My ILs are nice people but they have a habit of shouting into my babies faces (which let's face it, babies don't really like) and my FIL keeps trying to stand one of my DTs on the ground by himself. He's 8mo.

MrsTammySwanson · 25/12/2015 14:21

I have two boys and I dread the day when wanting to hog my grandchildren becomes the you have the MIL from hell thread on mumsnet.

Lol @ the ridiculous psycho babble that follows on these threads - grandmother wants to spend a long time cuddling her grandchild. What a bitch - clearly has issues.